The Journal Entries of a Pirate King
by Velirae.1245
Summary: Elizabeth Swann is suffering over the loss of her beloved, William Turner. So, therefore, she gets a diary to write about what happens to her, able to write out her emotions on paper. SPARRABETH Post AWE. Please R&R, thanks! NOW RATED M.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: _**New Story! Wooh! lol Alright, this story is different from the others I have done in the past. It is from Elizabeth's point of view, and basically it's her, writing entries of what has happened to her from the end of AWE in her journal.**_

_**I am sorry for how short they are, but come on! They are journal entries, yes? I'm writing these so that they are easy to read, easy to follow, and a breather if you need to sit down quick during the day and just lose yourself for a moment.**_

_**Pairing is one hundred percent Sparrabeth! Sorry if it's a little Willabethish right now, but you'll see why. Thanks!**_

Disclaimer: I don't own the Mouse. Period.

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**Chapter 1:**

_May 14, 1689_

_Dearest journal,_

_I cannot begin to describe to you what has happened in the past few days. It is too much. My heart is filled with sorrow, the despair and pain of the whole situation crushing me, and I feel as if I am suffocating. Is there no way out? I feel cornered, and there is no one I can trust who'd let me lean against them and take the agony from me._

_There is no one left in the world who cares of me. James is dead; he fought an honorable fight but died before my eyes. My father is dead; I met up with him on the journey home from the worlds end._

_Will is dead. The only man I had really ever, truly loved is dead, speared with his very own sword by Davy Jones._

_I am in denial, but I do not care. I recoil from reality in my mind, I don't want to acknowledge what has happened or what will happen; there is no choice. If I let myself finally admit that he is dead there will be nothing left for me to cling to. I don't know where to go, or what to do, or who to talk to. There is no one I can seek solace in, there is no rock in the river of grief to try and hold on to. It's carrying me away, journal, and there is nothing to stop me from drowning in my own bitter tears._

_We were to be married after the battle was over. How many times had we talked about it, hidden from the world in one of the spare cabins of the_ Black Pearl, _giggling and planning like two silly, completely happy children? Too many times to count. We had wanted to marry in Port Royal, our home town; I with a beautiful white dress and he with a dashing black tux, holding hands alone as the minister made us husband and wife. There was to have been no lavish wedding, no crowd. We both had no parents or relatives, and planned to have a simple wedding, with perhaps Mister Brown as our witness as well as Mister Gibbs, or dare I say Jack Sparrow. (No doubt though, journal, that he would have broken into the supply of rum and drank himself into a stupor before then.)_

_All my dreams have been dashed to pieces by his death. He is alive and well now, breathing and speaking, as the new captain of the_ Flying Dutchman,_ but it is not the same. There is a look in his eyes, an older, more grave look. It scares me. He holds a wisdom beyond my imagining, and his voice is grim when he talks to me. "I cannot stay long." he says. "I have to go ferry the souls across to the other side." he says. "I love you, I always will." His words make me want to cry when I've already sobbed so much that my eyes sting._

_I've seen the scar that mars his chest, it is awful to look at and awful to feel. It was rough and jagged under my fingertips as I stroked it through the opening of his shirt, and it had made tears pour down my face harder than ever before._

_I'm supposed to be strong. I'm the Pirate King - courtesy of Jack - and I control the pirates, but how can I be a good pirate when I cannot hold back my own tears? Why did he make me King in the first place? That will haunt me until I figure out the answer._

_Jack says it's good for a woman to cry. "The emotions of a woman are powerful and beautiful in a special way, love. It makes em' unique." he had said, and the warm smile that had grown across his lips while he had brushed some hair from my face made me tremble. We've not talked much since I killed him, and I don't blame him, but I think he has forgiven me as time has passed. I no longer see hate and distrust in his eyes when he looks at me or speaks to me._

_It was him who gave me this journal to write in. He told me to write down all my thoughts and feelings into this heavy, worn, leather book, and keep it safe from prying eyes. (I can't help but wonder if he hinted to that because he knew curiosity would get the best of him and he'd come looking for it, ready to stick his nose into places it certainly doesn't belong._ Pirate.) _He had insisted so feverishly that I had felt inclined to take it, and the grin of satisfaction he had shown afterwards made me thankful I hadn't rejected him._

_Jack's kept his distance from me in respect of how I am feeling, but at the moment I feel that is the worst thing he could have possibly done. I know he cannot handle tears and sobs, but at least he understands them. All I need is for someone to hold onto me, so that I don't end up drifting away and losing myself forever. Instead of standing back, I wish he would come and hold me, and just listen to me for once, let me sob and cry all I need to. Crying here, with each tear blotting the ink and spoiling each letter, it's not the same. I am alone, and I am cold, and I wish, above everything else, that someone, out there, would understand what I am going through._

_For the moment all I have to lean on is myself, and I don't know how much longer I can stand to do that before I collapse. Humans are not meant to deal with such horrible agony alone, and I am doing just that. I have to have courage, and I know I will get over Will's death after a while, but the question is: How much of the person I originally was will be left? There is no doubt I will end up changing, but for better or for worse I have no idea. Worse, that's what I'm leaning towards._

_He leaves tomorrow at sunset, and I have one last day to spend time with him before he is gone for the next ten years. Will I ever see him again? Can I even hope that long? How will he survive? How will I survive? The raw truth: I don't know._

_Love,_

_Elizabeth Swann_


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: _**Thank you so much for all the amazing reviews! I'm so glad you like it!!**_

_**P.S. This is SO not Willabeth, but you have to remember that Elizabeth loves Will and therefore for a while she'll be hurting. Sparrabeth will be slow, but it will be there. And I intend to make this a long story/journal. Also, there is NO Will Jr, just to answer that question. So, please, could you just get past this chapter for me? It'll be much better, I promise!**_

_**One more note about this story. I'll update when I can, but my main focus is to keep BFM going and finish TPTV, which I will eventually do! But this will fill in for my drabbles once that is finished.**_

_**Another thing. I am sorry these A/N's are so long, but after this one and everything I need to say is out of the way then there will only be the very first sentence instead of everything else.**_

Disclaimer: Sorry, I own nothing here.

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**Chapter 2:**

_May 15, 1689_

_Dear Journal,_

_Will, my dear beloved Will, is gone._

_The pain has intensified. I am falling, falling, falling into a huge black pit. I can't climb back out, no matter how hard I scrabble at the sides._

_My heart hurts, and with every beat I can feeling myself dying, just a little more than before. How many more beats until I give up and pass on? Perhaps I will even be lucky enough to have him ferry me across, so that I will be able to see him, one last time._

_He gave me his heart. Yes, I know, but in two ways. Most women can say that they hold their dear one's heart in their hand, but only _I _can say that my sweetheart had _his _cut out and locked away in a chest, which he has placed in my possession. Tonight I'll hold it close, and see if our heartbeats match. _That, _at least, should comfort me a bit, ease the ache I feel inside._

_We spent our last day together cuddling. It unnerved me that he had no heart, and really __was dead, but I pushed that away so that I could enjoy my time with him. We talked about a lot of things, but of one topic in particular. He said that, if I wanted to wait for him, he had no objections against that at all, to which I had managed a very weak smile. Yet, then he became hesitant. "Elizabeth." he had said. "Ten years is a long time. If you... Well, I'm not going to be the one holding you back if you end up falling in love with another. You have the freedom to love who you want, and so I will not stop you. It's an unfair situation for the both of us, not being able to marry like we wanted to," and here he rest his head against mine, "but I will not have you suffering if instead you can find peace in someone else. I want you to be happy, not sad like this."_

_I hadn't said anything. What could I do, promise him that I would find someone and replace him? No, I couldn't do that. Yet, I could also not disagree and say that I'd never leave him, because that isn't true. It is very unlikely that I'll find someone else who I'll love that'll love me in return, but if that _does _happen I won't stop myself from letting it become something more._

_Once the sun was close to setting, he had lifted me up in his arms, kissed me firmly on the lips (His mouth was cold, not warm against mine as I had expected. It gave me the chills to think of it later on, but at that moment I couldn't have cared less.), then set me down and handed me the chest. As I watched him leave, I felt that I could not breathe. It was as if something was squeezing me, a pressure building in my chest. A broken sob had escaped my lips, I dropped the chest, and then ran after him._

_He turned just in time, catching me in his arms and kissing me fiercely. I relaxed, a warmth spreading from my head to my toes. Pulling back, he placed his hand on my cheek, and I covered it with my own. "I love you, Elizabeth, never forget." he whispered, and I had to bite my lip to hold back a sob. Then he turned and walked into the water, disappearing. A couple moments later the green flash appeared, and then he was gone._

_I managed to control my emotions, grab the chest, and row to the _Pearl_, where I am staying because Jack had offered to let me sign onto the crew. The moment I got onto deck, I dropped the chest and broke into tears, hiding my face in my hands._

_Moments later two arms wrapped tightly around me, and a chin wormed its way into the crook of my neck. It was Jack. I leaned back against him and he stayed silent, holding and rocking me until my sobs turned into broken hiccups._

_"Sh, Lizzie." he had said, his voice soft and breath hot against my ear. "Sh, dove. Everything will be alright, ye'll see."_

_How can he say that? How does he know that everything will be alright? Why must he try and get me to hope when I cannot see it myself? He always says that there is a silver lining to each bad situation, but I see none. I see neither the brightness of the sun or the gentle, relaxing flicker of the midnight stars. There is no joy, only pain, only a deep hurt that seems to have rooted itself in my heart. It hurts to try and pull it out, because it goes so deep, but it hurts even _more_ to let it stay._

_If I cannot have the heart to pull it out, then who can? There is nothing left for me here, except the_ Pearl _is my home, and it is the only home I will have now, unless Will and I are destined to have a future together._

_I know that I am being an ungrateful wretch, and that even through the bad I should be searching for the good, but what __good will that do if I am blind to it? I need someone to lead me by the hand for a while, to help me find the good though the tears and suffering, but no one has offered to help me._

_Have they?_

_And I cannot forget about Will, he probably has it harder than I do. I have a home with friends that I know, he only has a ship and his father. It's worse because he has to see death on a daily basis, where at least I get the small, lingering comfort of his heart and familiar ground._

_I've retreated to my cabin and locked myself away for the night. Jack gave me pardon from my duties, and I really do appreciate that. He's been a friend to me, trying hard to understand what I'm going through, and honestly, even if I do not show it, I am thankful._

_Love always,_

_Elizabeth Swann_


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: _**Wow, you guys. Thank you so much for all the beautiful reviews! I really appreciate it!**_

_**This chapter is more Sparrabethy so keep your knickers on. x3 Thanks. Also, it's a bit longer than most will be, but the history of the two is long.**_

Disclaimer: That's what this is, you know, a disclaimer. lol

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**Chapter 3:**

_May 18, 1689_

_Dearest Journal,_

_Each day that passes has been worst than the one before it. The pain is unbearable. Every night I hug Will's chest to my body and press my ear against the side so that I can hear his heartbeat, which lolls me to sleep._

_How long will I suffer before the pain I feel fades into a dull ache? Sometimes it hurts so much that I have to stifle screams, and others I just wish it would all be over; that I would pass out and forget about it all for a while._

_I think Jack is worried about me. He gave me the job of swabbing the deck because I had asked for it (gives me something to do with my hands), but every once in a while I feel as if someone is watching me. I look up and, sure enough, Jack's quickly glancing away or hastening to do something else. As if I wouldn't know it was him._

_In a way, though, I sort of like the attention. Since Will's been gone it feels nice to have someone pay attention to me or care about me, even if it's from a distance._

_As I was finishing my duties this afternoon I remembered something. After Will had died, Jack had torn me away from him. I was distraught and upset at the time, but now I realize he did it to protect me from seeing Will's heart get cut out._

_But that is beside the point. The point is, he saved me again. Not only from watching that happen to him, but also to get me off the_ Dutchman_ before it sank beneath the waves. The way he held me, as we were flying through the air, felt - well - sort of _nice._ He had protected me when I needed it the most, and he had understood. I was more than grateful that he didn't try to speak to me, for there was nothing to say._

_Perhaps Jack is here for me after all. Maybe he'd listen if I asked him to? Just to listen, mind you. Our past together runs deep, and I'll have to guard myself now more than ever before._

_I should probably write down a brief summary of our history together. I intend, someday, to give this journal to my kids, and then to their grandchildren, and so on. (If I ever have any children, that is.) If not, I'll give it to Will so that, if he one day falls in love with someone else, he can pass it on. I'd give it to Jack, but there's no doubt that he'd either lose it or ruin it or something._

_Jack and I met four years ago in Port Royal. I remember that day very clearly, as if it had happened yesterday. It was the day of James Norrington's ceremony. Afterwards he had brought me up to the top of the fort, where he had voiced his interest in me as a future wife. (I remember thinking, at the time, that he was a fine man, but that I didn't love him.) It caught me off guard, though I had been expecting his proposal sooner than later. After all, father had been talking about that 'perfect match' quite a lot. The corset I wore made it hard to breathe, and I ended up fainting and falling right off the fort wall._

_The next thing I knew, other than the fact that I was going to die, was a pressure lifting off my chest, forcing me to turn over and cough up water. When I opened my eyes, the face of a pirate swam into view._

_And that was my first meeting with Jack Sparrow._

_Since he had touched me, not to mention the fact that he was, apparently, going to steal a ship, he was sentenced by my father to be hung. I had to intervene, he had saved my life! My father was reluctant, Jack was clapped in irons, and then he trapped me with them and used me to get away. I don't remember being afraid, there was only a thrill inside that a pirate was behind me, touching me, that I had _finally_ met one. Truth of the matter is, though, being a pirate isn't all glamor and excitement, something I had yet to learn._

_Well, he got away, and for that I was glad. After that I didn't see him for a while, not until I myself was kidnapped by Captain Hector Barbossa, who was cursed; something I thought only a ghost story, but which proved to be quite true. (I've learned, during my adventures, to except _anything_, for you never know what might hit you next.) Jack caught up with us, there was a _huge_ fight (he saved me yet again), and then the both of us ended up being marooned because of Will, who Jack had come across and decided to bring along._

_I was trapped on a desert island with the pirate for a day. And I have to admit, it wasn't all that bad. He proved to be a very interesting, very thoughtful, and very smart man, and I do believe that he is a good man, whether or not he actually wants to believe that._

_That night we danced around the fire, singing and drinking, and I think that had to have been the best day of my life so far. I had so much fun, and as I was supposed to be 'proper' I had never been allowed to do something like that. The only time I ever danced was at balls, and those were so boring and droll, I'm surprised I didn't fall asleep on one of the suitors my father introduced to me._

_Seeing as Jack wasn't thinking of a way to get off the island, I had made a plan, and therefore made him get drunk by pretending that _I _was drunk as well. We fell in the sand and talked about the sea, and what freedom was. He said that the _Pearl_ isn't just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails, because that's what a ship needs, but what a ship is, is freedom. I believe he really meant that, and now I believe it too._

_After that (we had escaped because I set fire to the rum. You should have seen the look on his face when he realized that!) the curse was broken and Will and I were saved, but Jack was sentenced to be hung...again. I was surprised, though. He looked so calm, standing there, almost bored. I could just picture him turning and telling the executor to get along already. Anyways, Will ended up saving his life, and then after telling me that it would _never_ work out between us he left, leaving Will and I to admit our love for each other after I told James I didn't want him, but Turner._

_So much for writing a summary, and that's not the last of it! Two years later Will and I were arrested on our wedding day for helping him escape. I was thrown in jail and Will was given the job to find Sparrow, get the compass, and come back with it, otherwise we'd hang for treason against the crown and helping an outlaw._

_I escaped and got the letters of Marque from Beckett at the use of persuasion, then set out for Tortuga to help Will find Jack._

_Well, I _did_ find Jack, but not Will. Apparently, he had been 'pressed-ganged- into the crew of Davy Jones. Which basically meant Jack traded Will to save his own skin. He told me, after realizing who I was, that the compass he had was unique, and that if I could find the chest of Davy Jones I'd ultimately find Will. Of course, I agreed. Jack has a certain way of talking. He's very smooth with words, and every time he talks I can rarely reject him. I don't know why, but he can very easily make me swoon, not that I'm proud of that._

_Jack and I formed a game, one of playful bantering. He'd say something, and I'd be quick to say something back. We teased and riled each other, and I actually enjoyed that. It was nice to have someone to talk to, and I got to know him better. He really _is_ a good man, and a good friend._

_We actually almost kissed once, after he asked me to marry him. I think he was joking that time, but when am I ever really sure of what he's saying? How am I supposed to know if he's joking one time and serious the next? Jack is _really_ hard to read, but that's what makes me unique. I've never met anyone like him before, and he intrigues me. Actually, and since this is a journal and I can be truthful since no one _else_ will read this until after I'm gone, he _more_ than intrigues me. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if it _would_ work out together, but that's never going to happen, and I love Will._

_Later on, after we found the chest (and I thought for the longest time that the compass was actually pointing to _him_ as to what I want most), the Kracken attacked us because Davy Jones wanted his heart back, and away from people who would do it harm, or use it to their own advantage._

_We had to abandon ship. I still feel _so_ bad for what I did, but I chained Jack to the mast and left him to die. Well, actually, I _kissed_ him, pushed him back, and _then_ shackled him to the mast and left him to die._

_Why? Why break his trust like that and maybe sever any strands of friendship between us? Why make him want to hate me?_

_Because I thought I loved him, and I was afraid. I didn't like the way I felt when I saw him, or locked eyes with him. My heart would flutter, my mouth would go dry, and I'd want to kiss him. I didn't like that I felt something for a man who _wasn't_ my fiance. I was supposed to love Will and want that with _him,_ not Jack! But, Will never made me feel the way Jack did, and still does, and so I wanted to slay my lust for him and drown my guilt for falling for another man._

_I was sorry, I was sorry for killing him, and I will always be. No amount of apologies will ever erase that from his mind, or mine, and no amount of sorrow will bring our friendship back to the way it was, but the one thing I will _never_ be sorry for is that kiss. It blew me away, and made my head spin, and the moment our lips touched I actually questioned why I was going to kill him, and almost stopped myself, but I didn't. After all, the Kracken was after him, not us. If he didn't die, we'd _all_ die._

_He called me a pirate. After excusing myself for killing him he smiled and called me a pirate, almost as if he was proud. I'll never forget that._

_I should cut this last part quick, as my hand is starting to cramp from writing so much, and anyways I should go out and ask Jack where we are actually headed. I've not done that yet. Now that the East India Trading Company has been destroyed, and the pirates are no longer in danger, what are we going to do now?_

_So, like I said in an earlier entry, Jack and I haven't talked very much since we went to rescue him from the Worlds End. I'm not sure if he's forgiven me, as we've not talked about it, and we probably should. Yet, I don't think he hates me. He's been a very good friend lately, helping me through Will's death, and I appreciate that more than I could ever tell him._

_I should go. It's getting late, I'm tired, but I should thank Jack for giving me this journal. It's helped me a lot, and now I don't think my heart hurts so much._

_Lots of love,_

_Elizabeth Swann_


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: _**Wow. Thank you everyone for all the reviews, I'm so glad you like this story so far! I hope you enjoy!**_

_**When I break off part way through a chapter that means that Elizabeth got up and left when she wasn't done with the journal entry. Just to make that clear.**_

Disclaimer: The Mouse isn't mine, sadly.

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**Chapter 4:**

_May 20, 1689_

_Dear Journal,_

_I caught Jack snooping around in my room today! I walked in and found him looking through my bookshelf. Upon asking him what he was up to, he only chuckled and said something about having hidden it good, then left the room. I have a feeling he was talking about my journal. The twit. I hid it between my mattresses, so I do hope he won't think to find it there. Yet, that means he's looking for it, so I should find a better place to hide it. I don't want him finding it. That would be embarrassing._

_I asked Jack last night where we are headed. He told me that we are going to Tortuga, and then from there he's going to use the charts he stole from Barbossa to find the Fountain of Youth. I think that would be great if we all drank from it, because not only would we all be immortal and untouchable, but then I could live forever along with Will, who is also immortal unless someone stabs his heart. Think about it. I wouldn't die, so he won't have the pain of ferrying me across some day, but that way we could be together!_

_The pain is becoming a dull ache, like I had hoped. Every day I wake up and remember that I won't have to wait long before I can see him again, because is nine years really a long time? My father always said four years was a blink of an eye, so then nine years should be two and a half blinks of an eye._

_I know, that sounded silly._

_I've comfort, though. His heart; I've sworn to keep it safe, and I will. It makes me happy, knowing that a part of him will always be near me. It's almost as if he never really left, but that he's here with me, keeping me sane._

_Ever since Will left I've been met with surprise after surprise. I'm glad, because that helps to take my mind off of other things, and I have to admit that when I'm alone and not doing anything my mind wan..._

_--_

_I _swear_ I will _kill_ that man one day!_

_I'm sorry for cutting off in the middle of a thought, but Gibbs came to the door and told me I needed to come out and hear something._

_I cannot _believe_ Jack would do that! I know he's good at telling stories, but he's _also_ good at exaggerating them. The thing that unnerves me the most is that everyone actually believes him!_

_He was sitting with the crew in a circle around them, telling them all about when he was killed. Really, ever since the crew realized that _I_ killed him it's been their favorite story, the one where a woman bests their captain. I found it amusing, but I think he likes twisting it to make it sound like he was going to allow it all along. So I walked out there, and sure enough Jack was telling them about it, his hands flying all over the place in animated gestures._

_"Gents," he was telling them, "I've never been so surprised in me life! There I was, thinking over staying on the _Pearl_ and going down with her, when Miss Swann, the innocent Governor's daughter, comes up to me and taps me on the shoulder, then kisses me! What do ye all think I did?"_

_There was a cry of both "Kiss her!" and "Shag her!" from the crew, which I think made me blush a dark red. We didn't even have _time_ to sleep with each other! What _has_ he been telling them all? If I learn that he's suggested that I am less than innocent I'll kill him a second time, and this time I won't be sorry about it!_

_"Nay." he said, waving his hand to dispel their suggestions. "I let her kiss me. After all, who in their right mind would push away such a woman as Miss Swann? But what she _didn't_ know, through her intentions to shackle me to the mast and leave me there to die, is that I was going to stay anyways."_

_That is ridiculous! _Totally_ ridiculous! He wasn't about to stay! He's a _coward!_ He traded Will away to save his own skin, he trapped _me _when we first met so that he wouldn't get shot! Jack Sparrow wouldn't go ahead and stay on the ship to let everyone else escape! He was lying through his teeth, probably so that the crew would think more of him. After all, everyone knows that the captain goes down with his ship..._

_I stood by the stairs, watching him as he continued to talk, blushing darker as he described the kiss. I don't think I've ever been so embarrassed in my life. It made me relieved that I had stayed back in the shadows, otherwise I probably would have been leered at. Then I realized something. He was looking at me, his eyes locked with mine, the amused smile on his face growing wider as he - deliberately! - made the kiss much more than it had been._

_I'd had enough then. I was both humiliated and hurt, so I turned and fled. I'm not sure what else he told them, but whatever he did, it was a lie or else it probably wasn't the _true_ version of the tale._

_Why would he do that? Is he still upset about the time I killed him, or was he just bragging? There's a bitter taste in my mouth, now. Surely he doesn't... _hate_ me, does he? I'm afraid to ask, and I think it would be for the best if I just stay away from him for a little while._

_Anyways, back to my original thought. Like I was saying, it's nice to get distracted from my thoughts every once in a while. The crew has been extremely nice to me lately. I was down in the galley this morning when Ragetti came down and asked if he could sit by me. I nodded and he drew me into conversation, asking me how I was fairing and then telling me, quite shyly, about how he's trying to learn how to read. I told him I'd teach him if he wished. Oh, you should have seen the large smile that crossed his face when I uttered those words! He clasped my hand eagerly, kissed it, and then hopped up and left the room._

_We didn't really set up a time for these lessons, but whenever he wants is fine. It would be nice to spend time with someone, now that Will is gone._

_I'm lonely. I hate to admit it, but I miss having someone I can talk to._

_Actually... I miss being able to talk to Jack. Will, not so much. He and I didn't part on such great terms. During the past half a year we rarely talked to one another. Same thing went with Jack. I've never felt so alone in my entire life. Will was avoiding me because of that one kiss he saw between Jack and I, and Jack was avoiding me because I killed him. I felt hated, I truly did. And now Will is gone, on better terms than we used to have, but Jack and I still aren't talking._

_So, perhaps teaching Ragetti would fill the void I feel, give me someone to talk to?_

_I hope so. And I hope that, after a while, Jack and I will start talking again._

_Much love,_

_Elizabeth Swann_


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: _**Thank you so much for all the amazing reviews! I really, really appreciate getting feedback from you all!**_

Disclaimer: Don't own.

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**Chapter 5:**

_May 21, 1689_

_Dear Journal,_

_I found a better place to hide you! As I was looking around my room I realized that one of the floorboards are loose, and upon investigation I was able to lift it up enough so that I could look down inside. There's just enough room for it to fit, and the board lays back down just enough so that you wouldn't be able to tell that it was loose unless you studied it. Part of the board is missing, just enough to slide two fingers in and pull up._

_Jack will _never_ find this book there, and so that's where I'm going to be putting it from now on. _

_Speaking of Jack, he came to talk to me yesterday afternoon, about an hour after I had listened in on his story telling to the crew. I'll write what I remember here, because it really was an..._interesting _conversation._

_I was making my bed from that morning when a knock came at the door. He opened it a few seconds later and slipped in, shutting it behind him before walking over to me. I bristled and ignored him until he placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me around, meeting my glare coolly._

_"Ye and I both know the truth, love. Isn't that good enough?" he had asked quietly, searching my face. I sighed and looked away from him, letting the sheet that was in my hand drop to the floor._

_"And yet you need to tell the crew a fanciful story that isn't true?" _

_He smiled a little. "M' captain, Lizzie. What would the crew think if they knew I was nothing but a coward?"_

_"Perhaps they would come to respect you more for trusting them enough with the truth instead of a lie."_

_Sighing, he pulled his hands away from me and turned around, making his way over to stand by the window and look out it. I bent down and grabbed the sheet, shaking it our and folding it before putting it away in the lowest drawer of my dresser. The silence went on for quite awhile, and after a time it became uncomfortable._

_"Jack, do you hate me?" I asked, not expecting to ask that but desperate to talk to him. He started and turned, blinking._

_"Hate ye?" He smiled a little, but it quickly faded as he became serious. "I don't hate you, Elizabeth. I might have held a grudge against you fer a while, sure. I might have even contemplated killing you t' get even," I stiffened at his words, "but I've never hated you. Truth is, I _couldn't_ hate you. No matter how much I wanted to, no matter how much I wished I could curse you to hell. Ye're a pirate, love. I've always known it, and I couldn't help but be proud when you kissed and killed me." He smirked. "I couldn't have asked for a better way to die."_

_I managed a small smile._

_"So, you're not mad?"_

_He shook his head. "Nay, love, not in the slightest."_

_What a relief! Honestly! I had to clutch the edge of the mattress to keep from jumping up, throwing myself at him, and hugging him to death._

_Ambling over to me, he crouched down in front of me and smiled genuinely, staring into my eyes. My breath caught in my throat, and I found myself drowning in those dark black orbs, orbs as black as a starless night sky. He leaned towards me, my mouth went dry at the sight, and immediately different ideas of what he was going to do flashed through my mind. There was only one thing I could really think of._

_Was he going to kiss me?_

_No. He stopped, our faces a mere two inches apart._

_"Ye making good use of that journal I gave ye?" he asked in a quiet voice._

_Stunned at his question, I opened my mouth to say something, then was shocked beyond a point of disbelief when his mouth was suddenly pressed hard against mine, his hands coming up to cup my face._

_Oh my God. He _kissed_ me._

_It was over way too soon. He pulled back, stroking my face with his fingers. It was a disappointment, for I had been to shocked to either slap him and tell him to get the hell away, or to reach over and respond to the kiss with all I was able._

_I'm still not really sure which one it would have been._

_A chuckle escaped his lips._

_"Speechless, eh? Ah Lizzie." he whispered, smiling, then got up. "If ye need t' talk t' me ye know where t' find me, love." With that he turned and slipped out the door, shutting it noiselessly behind him._

_I'm still shocked. He kissed me, he _kissed_ me! The worst of it was Will was far, _very_ far from my thoughts at that point. If I would have slapped him, it would have only been because it was improper, not because I was in love with someone else._

_And now that I think about it, it's not improper at all. I started this whole thing when I first kissed him. I'm a bloody pirate, for God sakes!_

_Should I take what I can and give nothing back, then? Would I _really_ be unfaithful to Will with Jack?_

_No. I wouldn't. Jack doesn't feel anything for me..._

_Then why did he bloody go and kiss me??_

_I am so confused. He doesn't hate me, I know that now. He told me so himself. (I am still really happy about that!) Yet, he doesn't love me, and why would he? He's a pirate! He doesn't love anyone, because his first and only love is the sea._

_My head hurts. Perhaps the best thing to do is forget about it, claim it never happened. I love Will, anyways. It was a kiss. A simple, quick kiss. Nothing more, nothing less. It didn't mean anything!_

_Did it?_

_I'm sick of all these unanswered questions, and I'm not about to go risk my pride and ask him them either. It will remain a mystery, and that is fine with me._

_Love,_

_Elizabeth Sp-_

-There is an ample amount of erasing here, and so the 'Sp' are blurred, though not entirely unreadable-

_Elizabeth Swann_


	6. Chapter 6

A/N:_**Thank you for all the amazing reviews! I really appreciate the feedback!**_

Disclaimer: See first chapter.

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**Chapter 6:**

_May 22, 1689_

_Dear journal,_

_He kissed me because he wanted to gain my bloody attention! I would never have guessed that, but there it is. I've not confronted him about it or anything, I figured this out on my own. Yet, the question still is, _why?_ Why does he want my attention? What am I to him? Fellow Pirate King and Pirate Lord? Sure. Friend? I'm not sure if we're friends. Enemies?_

_That's probable, though I hate to admit it. He doesn't hate me, but he sure as hell doesn't like me..._

_Does he?_

_More questions! I can't get my mind off him, or that damn _kiss! _If I didn't relish Jack's presence I'd damn him to the deepest pits of hell._

_I love Will. I hate how I have to keep reminding myself that, to get _him_ out of my head. It should be easy, I should remember that I love him without having to think about saying it, but my fiance has been slipping from my mind more recently than not._

_Speaking of William, he's been gone exactly a week now. Thinking about that causing my heart to throb painfully, but I've ceased crying myself to sleep now. He's not coming back, and I have to deal with that. I'll build myself a life and live until ten years are up, when I will finally be able to see him again. It won't be so hard. I'll be doing what I love the most - sailing the seas - and I'll be with Jack and the crew, just like I've been before. If being here on the _Pearl_ doesn't work out, then I can go live in Shipwreck Cove and make a life there. There are plenty of options; I'll not let the pain of my heart stop me. I refuse to break down, to give up, to become someone who doesn't want to live anymore. I'm independent. I love Will, sure, but I don't need to cling to him. He's not my lifeline, and I'll refuse to let him be one. I can take care of myself, just as long as I have a place to live and someone to keep my company._

_At the moment, it looks as Jack will be keeping me company._

_And automatically my mind goes back to the kiss! Damn him!_

_Ragetti had his first writing lesson today, by the way. (Yes, I know I'm off subject here, but hang the kiss.) I taught him how to write his name by writing it in pencil, showing him how to hold a pen, then made him trace it. He did well, though his letters were a bit sloppy, and so we progressed to me writing his name and then him copying it on a separate piece of paper. Once he had that down he gave me his Bible and asked me to help him read it. First I'm going to have to teach him what letters are which, and that I will save until tomorrow to do. But I think that I should teach him to both read and write, which was why I made him write his name. He's a very good pupil, and I have to say that I am proud of him._

_I'm debating over whether I should go and talk to Jack. Just talk, nothing more, and I won't mention the - Here I go again. How many times has this word appeared yet? - kiss. It would be humilating, most likely than not. Maybe he meant nothing by it, and I am wrong in my assumption. Maybe it was a spur of the moment thing and now he regrets it. Perhaps he hadn't even realized what he had been doing. I don't know, but he's going to be the one to bring it up first, not me. After all, _he's _the one who kissed me, not the other way around, and so _he_ should be the one to mention it._

_The only thing I really want to know is why he kissed me. That's all. I don't need to know anything else other than that._

_Well, this journal entry is rather short, but other than babbling about that kiss I have nothing else to write. Nothing interesting really happened to me today. We'll just have to see what tomorrow brings, won't we. Every day brings something new to the horizon. In any case, we should be reaching Tortuga soon. It should be nice; the crew will restock on supplies and Jack, Gibbs, and I are headed to a tavern to drink to our good health and fortune before we set out for the Fountain and immortality. Who knows whether we shall live or if we shall die along the way?_

_Is immortality really worth dying for, is it worth taking that risk?_

_I do believe it is, especially if it ensures being with Will forever._

_Yet, and I cannot believe I'm asking myself this, is William Turner really who I want to spend the rest of my life with, having to wait every ten years only to enjoy one day with him? Is it worth it? Or should I try and find happiness in someone else, someone I know who will be there for me, no matter what?_

_The only other person I'd want I have no idea what his feelings towards me are._

_I hate how complicated life is...and lately this journal seems to be both easing and complicating my thoughts even more._

_Love,_

_Elizabeth_


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: _**Thank you for all the beautiful reviews! I really appreciate them all!**_

Disclaimer: I don't own PotC.

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**Chapter 7:**

_May 24, 1689_

_Dear Journal,_

_I don't really know where to begin. I'm shaking so hard that it's sort of hard to write this, but I need to get it down on paper._

_Jack and I had a fight._

_Well, sort of. It all happened just about an hour ago, and still my mind is spinning from it. Sometimes I wonder if I just hadn't dreamt it up, instead of it actually happening. Oh, but it _had_ happened. It was real, about as real as something could get._

_I'm not really sure why, but I had been staring at Will's chest, running my fingers over all the intricate curves and designs that had been carved into the wood. I had been trying not to think of him; when I do it hurts, and I start to doubt, and I don't want that. Yet, I felt the need to, and it was a comfort until a flash of anger ran through me. My eyes filled up with tears, and I remember thinking how bloody _unfair _it was that Will had died._

_It is! If he hadn't died, he had I would have been married by now. We'd be fine, and in love, and moving back home so that we could settle down and enjoy the rest of our lives together! I would have missed the sea, yes, but I would have gone with Will. It's not the freedom, but the man that is important to me. Will makes me content. I think that if Will and I had gotten our own ship afterwords, I would have been very, totally and completely, happy._

_That didn't happen though, did it? No. He was damned, and then doomed to a fate, a job that he has to do for the rest of his life, doing something which made it so that I could not follow. I was viciously torn away from him - _literally, if I recall - _and now we can never be together except for that _one_ day._

_The next thing I knew, after all these thoughts had run through my head, was that I had made my way to Jack's quarters. I threw open the door and stalked in without knocking, too angry and upset to think about that. Jack looked up from where he was sitting and leaned back, shifting the hat that sat on his head._

_"I believe there is such a thing as knocking, Miss Swann." he said, smirking. I stopped right in front of his desk, seething._

_"You bastard! You killed Will!" Yes, I said that. At the time I really hadn't been thinking well, and he was really the only one I could blame to soothe the hurt I felt inside._

_Jack blinked, obviously surprised by this outburst. He stood up and narrowed his eyes. "No. No, I believe a _sword_ killed him." He made a stabbing motion to his chest._

_"You're the one who made him stab the heart! You're the one that doomed him to sailing the seas forever! I will never see him, and it's _all your fault!"

_I think he became angry with me at that point, as he came around his desk and grabbed my arms, propelling me until my back hit the wall. He pinned me there, searching my face with dark, annoyed eyes._

_"No." he said again, his voice now dangerous. "Ye know that's not true. If I hadn't made him stab the thump-thump he would have died anyways. I believe I _saved _him."_

_I shook my head. "You damned him to a life he didn't deserve! There had to be another way! He wouldn't have... There would have been..."_

_"No. Elizabeth, n-"_

_"Is that all you can bloody say?" I yelled at him, struggling now. His grip was too tight, and he only tightened it, pressing me back until it became painful. "No? _No?_"_

_"No." he replied, pouting a little._

_"Ah!"_

_"This is _beside _the point!" he growled, looking more than frustrated with me. "There had been nothing anyone could do. Davy stabbed 'is _heart._ Lizzie, Will had been on the brink of death anyways and, without my help, Will wouldn't even be _alive!_"_

_Tears streamed down my face, blurring my vision. "I don't believe you." I hissed. Jack sighed._

_"Ye should."_

_"Let me go." I struggled again, but he held firm, refusing to pull away._

_"No." I could feel the heat of his gaze on my face. "Not until ye calm down."_

_"Go to hell!"_

_I think I heard him murmur 'I will'. I blinked as he pulled me away from the wall, though his hands were still firmly on my shoulder._

_Then his mouth slanted firmly across mine. I made one effort to try and push him away, and then found my hands sliding up his chest and locking around his neck. His arms came around me, comforting me, both of them pressed against my lower back, crushing my body firmly against his. I whimpered and kissed him harder, letting myself forget, concentrating on how his lips felt against mine._

_The next moment I was back against the wall as he deepened the kiss, his hands moving from my back to slide under my shirt. I gasped against his lips at the feeling of his rough, calloused fingers sliding across the skin of my stomach, the action sending a rush of warmth down to pool in my stomach. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew this was wrong, that I should pull away, but I didn't want to. It felt so _good._ I've never felt anything so amazing before. Will's kisses just didn't compare. Will's were soft and sweet, like the melting so sugar on my tongue, making it feel like I was floating in the clouds, but Jack's? His mouth was warm and firm. He played mine like a fiddle, with skill, making me feel as if I was on fire and shooting through the air as free as a bird. There's a chemistry there, that Will doesn't have, as much as I wish that he did.  
_

_He nibbled on my lower lip before he drew away, moving his mouth to my neck. Hot, open-mouthed kisses were placed along my neck to my throat, where I tipped my head back, a plaintive whimper escaping my lips. I felt like I was was drowning and, not only that, I realized with a start that I didn't want Jack to stop. I wanted to keep going, to find where this would lead us, to let him bring me to a state where I could no longer think. Actually, I was finding that state pretty quickly._

_He must have been encouraged by my silence, as he began to unbutton my shirt, kissing my skin as it was revealed. My hands found his head and my fingers tightened in his hair. A gasp escaped my lips as his warm, wicked mouth found my cleavage, and then I gathered up the small shreds of strength and pushed him away._

_"Jack." I croaked. I must have looked and sounded awful; crazed. He met my eyes, and I shook my head. "I can't do this."_

_With a grimace he pulled away from me, stared at me for a very long moment, then turned and walked away._

_"I didn't kill your dear William." he said at last, as I rebuttoned the top three buttons of my shirt and tried to calm myself. "I could have stabbed the heart myself, you know. I could have become immortal and lived forever. Yet, I didn't. I allowed him to stab the heart because I couldn't bear the look of pain on your face, the agony in your eyes. It ripped me apart, knowing I had a choice and that, once again, I was going to do the "right" thing and give up what I wanted, all because of my charming murderess." His voice was soft, but he didn't look at me, now standing at the window. I was very shocked by what he had said. He had made Will immortal because of me, giving up what he wanted?_

_"Jack, I-"_

_"Go." he whispered, and I blinked. "Just go, Elizabeth."_

_I did. I left._

_And now I have to ponder over what the hell happened, and what I did, and what he had said. I _should_ be mad that he kissed me, but... I'm not. I've never felt that way, not with anyone. I realized, too, that I wanted more, and I wanted it with him. Will hadn't been on my mind, not once._

_And now there's a question that I really must ask myself._

_Do I really love Will? Do I _really_ want to wait ten years to only see him one day, when he said I was free to choose another?_

_Love,_

_Elizabeth Swann_


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: _**Thank you for all the wonderful reviews!! You all are amazing!**_

Disclaimer: I own...the journal!

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**Chapter 8:**

_May 25, 1689_

_Dear Journal,_

_How could I do that? How could I let Jack, _Jack,_ a man that I do _not_ love, kiss me like a husband would kiss his wife? I'm not rightly sure what happened. One moment we were fighting, and then the next he was kissing me! Worst thing of all is that I let him! I gave into him, let him kiss me._

_Can I be blamed, though? At the moment it felt so good, and so comforting. With his arms around me, holding me so close that I could feel his body heat; his lips on mine, stealing what wasn't rightfully his, but what I had let him take... Him kissing me took away the empty hole inside him. He filled it, for just a moment, and it felt as if the only person who actually loved me had never really left. Jack cannot substitute Will, and I don't think he ever could, but the attention, and the pleasure, and the overwhelming drowsiness and desire to be Jack's clouded my mind._

_I still love Will. After I wrote that entry yesterday night I went to bed, and I realized that while laying there, staring up at the ceiling, his heartbeat echoing around the room as if taunting me for what I had done; chiding me. It was almost as if Will was there...and disappointed. I _do_ love Will, just...not so much in the same way. If he were to suddenly appear beside me, I'd tell him to marry me, and then kiss him feverishly, but he's not here. I fear that, as each day passes, those feelings for him, my desires, hopes, and dreams for our future, fade away bit by bit._

_He's been like a brother to me all my life. I can't help but wonder (as I have been wondering a lot the past few days) if that's all I've ever really felt for him, tricked into thinking that it was romantic love, a spouse-like love that I felt for him in my heart._

_Jack peaks my interest. That kiss, even though I know it should have never happened, ignited some feelings in me I've never experienced before. I don't regret that we kissed, but I do wish that it had gone differently, something that was more innocent, and that wouldn't make me feel so filled with guilt. I will not say I am sorry that Jack Sparrow's lips were on mine, because that would be a lie, but I don't love him. I never will. The things I feel for Jack are strictly desire, nothing more._

_Ever since I met Jack there's been some type of chemistry between us. A fire, a tension. Those games we played, teasing each other, they were not so innocent as everyone would guess. We were both standing on the tip of a sword. One wrong move, wrong wrong word and gesture, if one of us pushed the other too far, we'd both fall. I don't doubt that, if he had turned on a little more charm, or if I had seduced him a little better, that we would have found ourselves rolling around in his bed._

_Looking back, I'm rather glad we didn't go that far. No doubt I would have enjoyed it at the time, but the trust between Will and I had already been broken, and if he would have found out... I'm not sure our relationship would have survived. Will is everything I had ever hoped for in a suitor. Kind, gentle, respectful, someone who keeps his distance instead of advancing on me. When we admitted our love for each other, and then when we got engaged, he never did anything more than kiss me, either carefully and hesitantly on the lips, or on the forehead. I had been very, very content with that...until Jack came along._

_Then I was introduced to the life of pirates, and after three years I realize that Will sustains me. He is my safety, my comfort, the one thing that I know will never change. Will will always love me, he will always be faithful and gentle to me, he will always respect me. Jack? Well, I'm not rightly sure how to describe him. He's not safe. He's _dangerous_. He's cunning, witty, and decieving. Being around him excites me. It's something new. You can never guess what's going to happen next when around Jack. Take the kiss we just shared, for example. I had no idea that it was going to happen, but it did, and it caught me totally off guard. Will is never-changing, always the same, always there; Jack is unpredictable, always changing in his ideas and his actions, always moving. If I ever wanted more with him, which I _don't_, what makes me think I could ever catch him, that he would always be there for me?_

_Will is pure, innocent, sweet, everything I should ever want, and Jack is dark, brilliant, beautiful, and everything I could ever need. They are both amazing men, but that's not what will make me decide what I want._

_Jack has the sea. Jack has freedom. If I were to stay with him for the rest of my life, that is what I would get. That is probably all he could ever offer me._

_I'd take it._

_Will? He wants to settle down, have a blacksmith shop, and come home at night to see the children and me. I'd work on mending shirts, making tea, doing the chores, and all these things that, really, don't appeal to me. I love Will, but I'd rather be on the sea, whereas he _doesn't_ want to be on the sea._

_If I loved Jack, then I'd stay with him, get the freedom I want. Will would understand that, he said I could move on if I wanted to._

_Thing is, I _don't_ love Jack, and so I'm stuck with the gentle, safe, comfortable flutter of love and adoration for Will, my first and only love, and the desire and longing for Jack, a man who makes my body spin with emotions I've never felt before._

_I've decided that it would be best to steer clear of Jack for a couple of days, to let whatever the hell happened between us blow over before I even dare try and talk to him. And now I'll have to keep my guard up, just in case the situation gets to overwhelming and the threat of another kiss becomes evident. When that happens, I'll try and get out of there. I want to be faithful to Will. Even though I have the feeling that I _will_ end up kissing Jack again before these ten years are up, I feel the need to be true to Will. I love him, I truly do, and I'm sick of questioning my feelings about it. Actually, I'm more disgusted that, in the span of a week and being without Will and alone with Jack, I'm already questioning my feelings for the two of them.  
_

_Those kisses? They were just kisses. They don't compare to true love between two people. Time and distance shouldn't change it. At least, that's what everyone says._

_Love,_

_Elizabeth Swann_


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: _**Thank you so much for ALL the reviews!**_

Disclaimer: Don't own.

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**Chapter 9:**

_May 28, 1689_

_Dear journal,_

_We arrived in Tortuga yesterday night, which was why I didn't write an entry before I went to bed. The last two days have been rather hectic, and I'll tell you why._

_First off, I've been avoiding Jack as if he were the devil himself (which, you know, he actually could be. He's the most sliest, charming, smart, and cunning man I've ever met. You take one look at him and think he's intriguing, but innocent. Innocent indeed. Well, you know how it is. Looks are often deceiving). Ever since that bloody second - _third! - _kiss we had I've been staying as far away from him as possible. I don't want to put myself in a position when I might snap and give in again. The first time I'd been stunned, the second caught off guard and then gave in... I don't want a third time to make an appearance._

_Secondly, those lessons with Ragetti have been rather time-consuming. He's a very good, earnest, and honest pupil, and I find him rather enjoyable to be around. The only thing that slightly annoyed me at first was that he continued to call me poppet, even when I reminded him of my name. I've gotten used to it though, and other than that he's really taken a deep interest in what I'm teaching him. He never interrupts me, always waits to ask a question, never argues... He _really_ wants to learn, and he's studying outside of class to prove it. His name writing has gotten much better too, I might add. Earlier today we practiced over his vowels, as we are starting with those. I think he almost has them down._

_Lastly, it appears Jack isn't the only one that wants to go to the Fountain of Youth. I think I forgot to mention this in an earlier entry, but Barbossa keeps quarters with the men downstairs. He hadn't been kicked off after the war, as he had no where to go, but I think Jack's meaning to give him the boot rather soon. In fact, now that we're in Tortuga, I've not seen him since. I can only hope that he left, but I rather doubt it. _

_I overheard him talking last night, right before I was going to go to bed. He and a couple other crew members were gathered by the gangplank, and I quickly ducked behind the stairs to listen in. They were all talking in hushed tones about the Fountain of Youth, and immortality, and then Hector said he was planning to take the Pearl back when Jack was gone and that he'd need their help. If they chose to assist him, they'd get their share of the treasure. Of course they agreed, mutinous bastards. With that, I rushed off to tell Jack, even though I wanted to avoid him, but he was gone! His quarters were empty, a lone candle flickering on his desk. It made his room seem a bit eerie, and so I left quickly after and went to find Gibbs._

_He wasn't there either. I've not seen either of them this morning, and even if I did and I told them they'd probably not believe me._

_Barbossa's planning to take over the Pearl, I'm the only one that knows, and the people I should tell aren't around._

_What am I going to do? _

_Wait, why am I even wasting time writing this? I should be out looking for them! Sometimes I feel like such an idiot. _Why_ did Jack vote me Pirate King again?_

* * *

-Words are now crisp, dark, and written with anger-

_Now I know what the sting of jealousy and hurt feel like, now I know what an honest to God fool I've been, and _now_ I know the cold, bitter claws of fear as nails like ice tear open my heart and let it bleed._

_The _Black Pearl_ is gone. Vanished. I should have never left the ship. I should have done something, told someone, alerted the crew... Yet, how was I supposed to know who was for Barbossa? In any case someone against Jack could have found out and locked me away in a closet, or worse, killed me. Even worse, Will's heart was on the _Pearl_, and now is at the mercy of a man who is totally _merciless.

_The only comforts I have, at the moment, are these. One, I brought my journal with me. It's small enough that it fit into the pocket of my coat, and I'd been in such a hurry that I'd shoved it in and left. Thank God I have something I can use to pour out my frustrations in, otherwise poor Gibbs might be subject to long bouts of complaining._

_The other comfort is that I have the key to the chest in my pocket as well. Will's heart will be safe from harm, but still. He gave it to me, entrusted to me his heart, his _life, _and I lost it. It's all my fault. I should have known, I should have _known_ this would happen! I should have _known_ that Hector was waiting for me to leave! Bloody PIRATE!_

_Do you want to know the real reason why I am so angry, so confused, so upset? Everything else I've mentioned up until now seem mere trifles. I shouldn't feel this way, I should be relieved and glad, but I'm not. In order to know, I'd have to tell you what's happened up unto the point Jack, Gibbs, and I walked down the docks and found his ship, our _home_, gone. My pupil and friends, gone. The person I'm trying to avoid? Unfortunately still here._

_I'd run through the town, trying to find Jack. No doubt he was in one of the taverns drinking. I hadn't even been thinking about what I might happen to stumble across, my mind was set on finding him and telling him about him being mutinied. Again. It pained me to think of that. No matter what Jack did to irk and fluster me, he didn't deserve to be mutinied a third time._

_After about fifteen minutes of running around, as Tortuga's quite a large port, I entered the Faithful Bride. I'd been lucky enough to find Norrington there once before, perhaps I'd be lucky again. It _did _seem like a popular place to drink and be merry. Worming my way through the crowd, I spotted Jack, and relief flooded over me. He was safe, not dead or tied up somewhere, not suffering. Just sitting in the corner, drinking rum, chatting away with Mister Gibbs. Sighing, I began to make my way over to them when a particularly pretty wench walked by where he was seated._

_I froze where I was, beside a support beam, watching as he reached out and pulled her down into his lap. She turned, looked at him, then giggled, curling one arm around his neck. A wave of jealousy washed through me, though I don't know why. I can't be jealous of his affections towards another woman...can I?_

_She was rather beautiful. This one didn't wear as much make-up as the others did. Her dark black hair fell about her in glossy smooth waves, framing her face perfectly. Creeping forward until I was fifteen feet away from them, still unnoticed, I saw that her eyes were emerald green, sparkling with a seductive light. He whispered something into her ear and she giggled again, playing with one of the trinkets in his hair. He replied to something Gibbs said, then turned his head when the woman put her other hand on his cheek. Her nose brushed his, and then she pressed her lips to his, pulling him closer._

_I felt sick at that point. Disgusted and upset, hot angry tears welling up in my eyes, I made to leave when Gibbs suddenly saw me and beckoned me over. Jack noticed too and broke the kiss, our eyes meeting and locking together. Unnerved by his gaze I looked away and blinked back my tears, then reluctantly went to sit next to Gibbs, frustrated that I'd gotten caught and feeling nauseous because of Jack. Two days ago he'd been kissing _me_ with that mouth, and now he was kissing some common whore? Was that what I was to him then, a whore? If he liked me at _all_ he wouldn't have moved on so quickly, would he?_

_"Miss Elizabeth! Hadn't expected to see _ye _here." Gibbs shot me a sympathetic look and I sighed, grabbing his mug of rum and taking a sip to try and calm my nerves. Successfully blinking back the tears that burned in my eyes, and hoping that they hadn't noticed the glassy, humiliated look in them, I nodded. In fact, for a moment I had forgotten the whole reason I'd been trying to find them in the _first _place!_

_Looking around, my eyes alighted on Jack, who was looking straight at me. I couldn't read the look on his face, and I really didn't _want_ to, so I quickly looked down, running my fingers over the grooves in the worn wooden table before me. I felt his gaze on me still, and glanced up, freezing at the sudden dark, still unreadable look in his eyes. This one was different, though, than the last one. More private, more secretive._

_"Jack." My hands curled tightly around the mug I had grabbed. "Come upstairs, yes? It's been too long." The soft purr of the wench sitting on his lap made me ridgid with anger. I had the sudden urge to look up, and saw that Jack looked very amused. He pulled the girl closer to him, then shifted his eyes to my hands. My knuckles were turning white under the strain of my grip. "Please? No charge."_

_"I dunno, love." Jack said, lifting one hand to brush some hair out of her eyes. "Wouldn't be able to stay very long." His fingers trailed down her face gently, and the anger and hurt that coursed through me grew hotter and deeper. He was doing this just to annoy me, wasn't he. And, oh God, it hurt to see him with another woman like this. Not that he didn't have the right to do whatever he wanted...but doing this just to hurt me...that was low. And it stung._

_"Don't need very long t' do what we want to do." she whispered, then caught his mouth in another kiss. Jack kissed her back, his hand sliding down her arm, and I snapped._

_"I hate you, Jack! I _hate _you!" I yelled, shooting out of my chair and throwing the mug at his head. He broke this kiss, his eyes widened, and then he ducked, the mug crashing against the wall behind him. Turning around, I ran, hot tears streaming down my face as I darted through the crowd, my heart beating painfully._

_I ran outside and stopped to look around, then gasped when someones hand encircled my wrist and yanked me backwards. Dazed, I was spun around and pressed against the wall of the tavern, Jack's face a few mere inches away from my own. I struggled blindly, but he only pinned my hands by my head, his body trapping me where I was._

_"Let me go!" I sobbed, cursing. He said nothing, and I opened my eyes to see him studying my face curiously._

_"Wish t' tell me why ye are so upset and tried t' hurt me person with a mug?" he asked after a long moment._

_"No!" I spat._

_"Then I'll assume the worst and keep ye here until ye tell me." I scowled and cursed again, then heard him chuckle and tried to kick him. He growled and pressed himself against me so I couldn't do that again._

_Standing there, pinned against the wall with his body, able to feel him warm and snug against me, I was upset to realize that I was reacting to how close he was. A wave of heat washed through me, and my head spun as I was able to smell rum, spices, and sugar on his breath._

Sugar._ Bloody wench. Hating myself, I turned my head away, trying to pull what shreds of self-control remained together. Slowly I calmed down, though the warmth I felt because of his body pressed against mine didn't go away. I have to say, it was rather distracting._

_"Let me go, Jack." I said softly, turning to look at him again. "I need to go."_

_"Go where? Like I said, I'm not letting you go until you tell me why you got so upset."_

_"Are you really that blind?" I asked, then groaned. "I want to go back to the _Pea-_" Suddenly I remembered. "Oh my God, Jack, the _Pearl!_"_

_Jack looked a little confused, relaxing his grip on me _just_ a bit._

_"Barbossa! I overheard him talking to some of the crew. He wants to perform another mutiny and..." The realization of how bad this was hit me. "They were waiting for us to... Oh God."_

_Immediately I was let go, and Jack took off towards the docks, arms flailing as he tried to make himself run faster. Gibbs came out of the tavern, saw this, and we both ran after him. As we went, he asked what had happened, and I filled him in. 'This doesn't bode well, lass, doesn't bode well at all' he had said, and he'd been right._

_For the present, Jack's not doing so well. All we have is a dingy. I'm not sure what is going to happen next, or what he is going to do. Perhaps he will send me away, tell me to go back to Port Royal or Shipwreck Cove. I don't know..._

_Ever yours,_

_Elizabeth Swann_


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: _**Thank you so much for all the AMAZING and supportive reviews! I'm glad that you all like this story!**_

Disclaimer: I don't own Disney.

* * *

**Chapter 10:**

_May 30, 1689_

_Dear Journal,_

_It's been two days since the _Black Pearl_ was stolen by Hector. Two, very long, very stressful days._

_Jack and I have barely had the time to speak, even though we are sleeping in close quarters..._

_After the _Pearl_ was taken we went to find an inn, to get a place to stay. Unfortunately, Jack and Gibbs only had enough money for one room, although thankfully that one room has two beds..._

_The thing is, though, Gibbs gets his own bed. I cannot remember Jack's excuse, but I have a feeling he made it up _just_ so that I'd have to share a bed with him. It's rather nerve wracking, but I manage. I stay on my side of the bed, he stays on _his_, so it's all good. For now, at least. He hasn't tried to do anything to me. In fact, he hardly looks at me anymore! Whether it's because he's mad at me for some reason, or because he's too deep in his thoughts I cannot tell, but it does hurt to be ignored._

_Also, we've not talked yet about the whole scene in the Faithful Bride with the wench. Not that I _want_ to talk about it... Even now I wonder why I was so upset, why I threw the mug at him. I couldn't possibly be because I was jealous, could it? I do _not_ have feelings for Jack!_

_Do I?_

_Lately my emotions have been so very frustrating. I hardly know who I am anymore. I've changed so much since I left Port Royal as a Governor's daughter. Now I'm a pirate, even though my father would have never approved. I fell in love with Will almost five years ago, and in that time I've changed. I am no longer the proper lady he fell in love with. I'm a murderer, a cold-blooded murderer. I know how to use a sword, I keep close company with twenty different men, and I've kissed my dirty, disgusting, vile captain more than once. I even killed him by using a kiss to gain what I wanted._

_No, Will shouldn't love me. Why does he? Why does he hold on to the feelings he had as a child? Why do _I _hold on to those feelings? He's no longer the blacksmith, the boy _I_ fell in love with. He changed too. He hid things from me, lied, betrayed, stole...all to save his father, whom he put before myself. I think the urge to fulfill his promise took over his common sense. Now he's a member of the living dead, and I'm alone, fighting my feelings for a man whom I despise._

_About now is usually the time when I remember that Will said I could move on to someone else if I fall in love with them. I'm so god damn lonely...and I've been tempted once or twice to take that and use it, but I don't want to. No matter what, I love Will. I _do!

_Why is it so hard to believe myself? I hear my thoughts, I say that I love him out loud to the room, but it sounds so hollow. So...fake._

_I write in my diary when I am alone, and I keep it on my person where ever we go. Not to mention that, at night, I hold it close just in case Jack would try to take it and read it. My question is, though, am I normally a heavy sleeper, or a light sleeper? If heavy, Jack could easily take it and read it, and then put it back before I wake up. If light, then I'm safe. I'm worried, though. There are things in this diary I don't want him to read, things that are meant for my eyes and mine _alone. _If he were to read it... I'd never be able to look him in the eye again._

_Earlier today we all went to have lunch in a tavern, planning out our next move. We've decided that we should commandeer a ship, but it has to be a good ship, otherwise we'll get no where. It has to be sturdy, and then we have to find some able-bodied men, which is what Jack and Gibbs are doing right at this very moment. Anyways, all the ships that have been in harbor the past couple days have been flimsy things, or something that can only crew a few men. We need a big, sturdy ship, something that will be able to serve us very well in helping us find the _Pearl.

_Oh, they're back. Better go._

* * *

_How to explain this next part to you... A lot of things have happened in the past two hours._

_We've commandeered a ship, but not without loss. We'd hoped that everything would go perfect, but it didn't. Plain and simple. Now, we're all in a bind. Well, me, mostly. I'll explain what I mean._

_Jack and Gibbs rushed inside just as I wsa tucking the journal in my coat pocket. Without a word of explanation Jack grabbed my hand, pulling me out of the room and down the stairs._

_"Jack, what the hell? What's going on?" I asked, frowning, trying to slow down to talk to him. He didn't listen, only tightened his grip on my hand until I could almost _feel_ my bones crack. "_Jack!"_ He frowned, then tugged me next to him so that I could hear him._

_"Ship." he said. "We've got ten men. The ship only stopped in for supplies. She's perfect, Liz, a dream. Not as good as me girl, of course, but it will do. There are four men keeping guard as well as the captain, the rest went into town. They'll only be here for forty-five minutes, maybe an hour... There's a lot t' be done."_

_Reality dawned on me, and I nodded before jogging to keep up as he pulled me out into the streets. They were crowded, and he growled before suddenly turning, grabbing me, and throwing me over his shoulder._

_I protested. Of _course_ I protested. Wouldn't you, if you were suddenly treated like a sack of potatoes? I beat against his back for a moment, but he tightened his grip on my legs and pushed his way through the crowd. I _suppose _that it was easier for him to carry me, and after a few moments I quieted down and let him do what he willed, but I still didn't like it._

_After about ten minutes we reached the ship and he set me down, then pulled me over to a store. Ten other people, including Gibbs, gathered around, and we planned out how we would do this. Jack would take on the Captain, Gibbs and three other men would take on the first man, who was big, muscled, and bulky. I could see him from here, he could smash your skull in with the use of his fist only. Two would take on the second guard, who wasn't really a threat, two would take on the third, same as the second, and the last three would take on the forth. I was painfully aware that Jack left me out of the fighting group, and that made me angry. Was it because I was a woman? Did he think that I was useless when it came to fighting?_

_Pulling him aside, I glared at him. "Why the _hell_ can't I fight?" I snarled, placing my hands on my hips. "I'm as good with a sword as any of you, maybe even better! You _know_ that! Why can I not fight?"_

_Jack watched, amused, then placed on hand on my shoulder to calm me down. Angry, I shrugged his hand off, but he only caught both my shoulders and pulled me close. His eyes bore into mine, and my anger quickly melted away. "Why? Because you have a different purpose, Lizzie, one none of us men can accomplish." At that I brightened, feeling special, until I realized what he meant and scowled at him. I was the bait, that was all there was to it. Wonderful, I felt like some cheap whore. _

_"No. I won't do it." I told him, but he only shook his head._

_"We need the element of surprise, Lizzie." he said, no anger or deception in his eyes. "You can help us get that, and we'll get the ship. That's all there is to it. Wink at them, toss your hair, swing your hips...They'll focus on you, and we'll crawl up the opposite side of the ship and surprise them." I sighed, unsure, then looked over my shoulder to see that everyone else was gone. I turned back to him, and then he turned around, grabbed a bag off a barrel, and handed it to me. I pulled out a black dress, a rather flimsy one at that. "Put that on." he told me, smiling. "Ye look like a lad, lass." Sighing, I made to go around him and into the store to change, but he grabbed me, then cupped my face and kissed me. Hard. When he let me go I stumbled backwards, but by the time I got my wits back he was gone._

Pirate.

_Quickly I went and changed into the dress, cursing him a million times over in my head. The woman of the shop let me use her back room, also lending me some combs, which I will probably never give back to her._

_The dress, in question, was actually very beautiful. I have to admit, Jack has good taste. It was a bit low cut and showed my cleavage, but the hem of it was lacy, a slit in the side coming up to above my knee. On the bodice there was an intracite design of different beads and ribbons...and I actually enjoyed feeling the fabric against my skin. I hadn't worn a dress for so long...it was nice to been in one again. It was perhaps even more comfortable than my boy clothing._

_Thanking the woman, I walked out the store, composing myself for my task. While walking towards the docks, many men whistled at me, but I ignored them, feeling rather humiliated. Here I was, the Pirate King, and I was dressed like a whore. Wonderful. I was going to throttle Jack when I was done._

_Making my way towards the chosen ship, I stopped and took in a deep breath before walking up the gangplank and onto the deck, a bold move within itself. Immediately someone came over, probably the captain because of his hat, and touched his pistol to show me that I wasn't welcome, although his eyes swept up and down my body appreciatively. I smiled seductively but didn't move forward, my eyes locking with his._

_"You are not welcome here, missy. Leave." he said, but I only tilted my head to the side and walked forward until I was standing close enough to smell his rum soaked, putrid breath. Oh God, what was I doing here? Ah yes, I was risking life and limb for someone I hate._

_"I don't want to." I whispered, reaching up to trace the outline of his lips. "You look lonely, like you could use some loving before you leave. Won't you indulge me for just a couple of minutes?" I pressed my body to his, my hands coming to rest on his shoulders. He glanced down at my cleavage, then back at me with a gleam of lust in his eyes. Good, I had him. "It's on the house."_

_If he had been a smart man, he'd have known that it was a trap. Granted, he wasn't, and I was lucky. If I'd have been a smart woman, I would have seen what was coming next. Granted, I _am_ smart, but I hadn't realized until it was too late._

_He kissed me._

_His mouth covered my own, his tongue slipping into my mouth as his hand found my leg and pulled up my dress. He intended to take me right there, as he was backing me up towards the mast. Oh hell, I hadn't seen that coming. His hand reached my bare thigh, his other arm coming to squeeze one of my breasts as he pushed me back. Disgusting. I was appalled by the way he was touching me._

_His sleeve brushed my stomach as he went to free himself. I began to hyperventilate, wondering upon where the hell Jack was, until I was greeted with the sound of a gunshot, and the warm spray of blood against my face. The man slipped to the floor, dead, having been shot in the head. I straightened out my dress and looked up to see Jack glaring at the man, looking murderous. Simple, he'd murdered the man. Why was he so mad, though?_

_"Bastard." he said, then spat on the corpse before lifting his eyes to me. He looked...worried, guilty, concerned. I blinked, and was about to speak when another gunshot went off, and the look fo concern was overcome by a look of horrible pain. The color drained from his face, and he fell to the ground. I immediately dropped to my knees and lifted his hand, checking his pulse. He was still alive, but just faintly._

_I cried. I'll admit it, I cried. Hard. Grabbing his pistol, I got up, then pointed it at the crew member and screamed in rage before shooting him. "No one _dares_ shoot my captain!" I yelled, watching as the man dropped to the deck, his blood pooling around him. Then I turned back to Jack before yelling for help. Gibbs came running, and he helped me get Jack into the Captain's quarters and onto the bed in the sleeping cabin while the others took out the rest of the men._

_Jack had been shot in the back, close to his heart. One inch over and he'd be dead. After changing and washing the blood off me I helped tend to him, and now I sit by him, waiting for him to wake up, never leaving his side. Gibbs cannot sit there, he's steering, and to be frank... I don't mind it so much. I'm afraid, scared he might never wake up from unconsciousness._

_I will keep you updated._

_Love,_

_Elizabeth_


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: _**Thank you all for the perfectly wonderful reviews! They all mean a lot to me! Hugs and rum to you all!**_

_**I've a poll on my profile about how many chapters this story should have! It would be nice if you could all vote; help me out!**_

Disclaimer: I don't own Pirates or Disney.

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**Chapter 11:**

_June 2, 1689_

_Dearest journal,_

_Jack has been slipping in and out of conscious now. At first he was out of it, and for the longest time too. It was only today that he woke up, and then slipped under again. I'm worried about him. Three, four more inches to the left and he would have been dead, there was no question about that. I don't even like thinking about how close I was to losing him. Not again, not when it would have been all my fault. He shouldn't have to die again because of me. Even now he's not entirely safe. He lost a lot of blood, and if he doesn't wake up soon, if he keeps slipping under like this..._

_It makes me sick to think about it._

_It's been three days since he was shot. We brought him in here, where Gibbs came in and helped me take off his shirt. Cotton manned the helm, and the crew were put to work, all the bodies quietly disposed of. Once his shirt was off Gibbs stopped the blood with the already soaked, ruined fabric in his hands, then heated a piece of metal until it was hot and sealed the bullet wound shut._

_I will never forget the blood-curdling scream that came from Jack's lips. I could hardly even believe that such a sound could come from such a fearsome pirate, but it did. He whimpered in pain and lifted his head, the skin just below his shoulder blade red hot, angry, and melted. _

_"It's okay, Jack." I soothed, coming over to stand by his side. He glanced over at me, his eyes wide and dark with pain. A look of recognition, and then relief, flashed through his beautiful, agonized black orbs, and then he fainted, going limp. I stroked his cheek with the back of my fingers, then went and sat down in a chair, watching as Gibbs came and placed a cool cloth over the sealed, burning wound. He turned to me, then, told me to watch Jack and inform him of any changes, and walked out of the room, leaving me alone with a hurt, unconscious man._

_Of course, I don't watch him the _whole_ entire time, but for most of it. I'll trade shifts with Cotton or Gibbs, help with the crew, or actually have a break all to myself, where I can think things over. There are a lot of things I need to figure out, things I need to make clear. I really haven't had enough time to fully deal with that, yet._

_One of those things being my slowly but steadily increasing feelings for Jack, yes. I have no idea what to call these feelings yet. Love? I really _really_ doubt that. Lust? I used to think so, and I still do...want him in that way, but my feelings are more than that. What is in between lust and love, then??_

_And then there is also the question about how I feel for Will. I love him, I know I do, but _how_ do I love him? Romantically, sisterly, friendly? Did I ever really love him romantically in the first place, or was I just tricking myself into believing that? Or do I _really_ love him and want to marry him, and I have all along, I just haven't been able to really firmly say that and mean it yet? I don't know much about relationships, I never had a mother to tell me about these things, and my father is dead. So honestly, I can't tell what love feels like for certain._

_Is it that sense of security, that sense of belonging and contentment that is love? Or is love when your heart flutters, your stomach clenches, and you never want to part from the person you are with? Is love when you feel that half of your soul, of _yourself_ is gone when that person leaves? And what about wanting to be with them forever, and never wanting to part with them? Which of those all equals love, a love so deep you want to be with that person forever?_

_I know what lust feels like. I've felt it before. Desire, more accurately. Where my blood boils and my heart speeds up, where my stomach clenches and my thoughts wander to things entirely inappropriate. Longing is not a hard feeling to decipher, really._

_Why does love have to be so difficult?_

_It is times like these that I wish my parents were here to help me. Mother would know _just_ what to tell me. She was such a wise, amazing woman. It was as if, when I was a child, she knew _everything._ She had the answer to every problem I could think of, could solve every mystery, every question that came to her attention._

_My feelings...they are definitely a problem, aren't they?_

_Is it, perhaps, possible to love two men at once, and I love both Will and Jack, just in different ways? Perhaps they both own two completely different parts of my heart, and then that way I won't have to choose, for a while, anyways._

_In _that_ scenario, Will is the gentle, caring boy I have always loved. His love is unconditional, he will want me no matter what happens. He's safe, good, and his love is pure and innocent. Naive, even. Jack, then, is the passion. The freedom. He could show me so many things, teach me things I've never even heard of before, help me become the pirate I was always meant to be. However, his love _isn't_ unconditional. I don't even know what he feels for me, other than a powerful desire to get in bed with me. He could just drop me the next day and walk away. I'd never have to worry about Will doing that to me. He'd stick by my side no matter what._

_Will's gone for ten years, though. I only get to see him one day, and then he will be gone again. No matter what, I'm not sure I can wait for him like that. That _one_ day I will hope again, be happy again, only to be crushed the next sunset, when he's gone again. I couldn't survive that. No human being could. No woman, not one in love, could possibly do that. It's unfair, love would burn out so fast..._

_So perhaps my love for Will will always be a love from afar. A hope for his best wishes, a familiarity when he is finally back, and yet a freedom to love the man who will be around me for the rest of my life. My love for Will, and his love for me...it will set me free to be with the one I _truly _want to be with._

_Am I confusing you? Yes, I thought so. I'm sorry. I told you my thoughts have been rather jumbled lately. I've not had the time to sit down and think properly since Barbossa stole away with the _Pearl. _That bastard. He took away the one thing that would hurt Jack the most, and for the _third_ time. How is that even _possibly_ fair? Of course, they _are_ pirates... Though not all pirates are bad. Like Jack, he is a good man, even though he always disagrees with me._

_It's rather silly. He has the chance to do the right thing, and he _wants_ to do the right thing, and he _knows_ it, but he just won't admit that. I think it's because he's afraid it will ruin his image. Not like I will tell anyone about the man behind the mask...he should know better than that. He should trust me..._

_He doesn't though. I killed him. Why _would_ he want to ever trust me again?_

_I have to go, now. It's my turn at the helm, to give Cotton a break._

_I'll write as soon as I can!_

_Love,_

_Elizabeth Swann_


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: _**Thank you all so much for the amazing, lovely reviews! It makes writing worth while! -Hands out cookies and rum-**_

Disclaimer: I don't own the Mouse.

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**Chapter 12:**

_June 4, 1689_

_Dear journal,_

_I have some good, no _great_ news! Jack is _finally _conscious, though rather muddled. He's not speaking either, but I can tell he's aware of his surroundings. We've carefully rolled him over onto his back, even though it must have hurt, and so now he can look around and try to communicate with us, if he wishes. Right now, though, he's drifting. I'm not sure if he really knows where he is, or what is going on. In fact, when he glanced over my way, I held my breath, but he just past over without a glimpse of recognition, or hatred, or _any_ feeling at _all!

_Which brings me to what I fear the most. What if, what if he has lost his memories? What if he no longer knows anything; who he is, who I am, where he is...his _ship_, even. I won't lie, I'm genuinely worried about him. I've actually offered to watch him all time, just to be around if he breaks this silent pattern. Gibbs immediately took me up on that offer, and so here I sit, stressing more and more with each passing second, watching him very carefully._

_Perhaps I shouldn't have offered to stay in the room with him all the time. It'll only make me more confused, more than I am already..._

_I'm so jitterish, I have to put my thoughts down _somewhere._ If Jack ever remembers, or at least says something, I will have to thank him for giving me this wonderful journal. It's saved me from a lot of confusion and heartache, things I probably would have succumbed to already. Writing in this really helps let my emotions flow out through the crisp, penned words I put down, instead of building up inside me until I spontaneously combust and everything just breaks loose at once._

_I should go check on him now, just to make sure that he's doing okay. I'm really...very worried about him. What if he never remembers? What if I am a stranger to him..._forever?_ What if he never remembers what has happened between us? I'll never know how he feels about..._

_Well, if he ever felt such a way in the first place. Not that he'd ever feel that way towards _me... _I think I hope too much, sometimes._

* * *

_Finally, some good news!_

_I went over to sit by Jack, and took his hand, stroking my hand over his skin. He was sleeping, which was good, and so I sat there for a while before sighing. What kind of world would it be like, for me, if he had forgotten everything? All the adventures we'd been through, all the danger and excitement and fond memories...and my feelings too, my suffering. They would all be in vain. Grimacing, I held back tears of self-pity as I was determined not to think about it, and was studying one of his rings (a black onyx stone with a gold band, a border of silver holding the precious midnight orb in place) when he suddenly stirred and woke up._

_I glanced up, and he stared back at me, and then he smiled. _Smiled.

_"You're alright." he whispered, his voice rough and hoarse. Probably from spending so long in bed with very little water. I immediately reached over, without speaking, and offered him some water. He took the glass from me and drank greedily before wincing and pulling away. At my confused look the corner of his mouth twitched. "Feels really raw. Sore." I nodded, then looked down at his hand again, biting my lip. He remembered! I hoped. At least, I _thought_ he remembered! And this was the first time he'd spoken in a while. "Where am I, 'Lizabeth?"_

That_ was the final straw. My head snapped up, my heart soared, and before I thought over what I was doing I flung myself at him, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck as I peppered his face with kisses. At his soft groan of pain I froze, then pulled back with a sheepish smile on my face._

_"I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" I asked, glancing at him quickly. To my surprise he was smiling again, looking like he was trying hard not to laugh. I frowned. "What?" I asked dryly, only to have him shake his head._

_"Nothin'." He then looked around, realization seeming to dawn on his face. "How long?"_

_I knew what he was talking about. "Five days." He grimaced and made to sit up, but I immediately placed my hand on his chest, pushing him back down. "You need to rest, Jack. You were shot in the back." I shuddered, and he didn't fail to notice it. "You could have died." I whispered. "You could have been killed, and it would have been all my fault." I looked away from him, gritting my teeth together to keep myself calm. Then his hands were on my face, and he was making me look back to him. His eyes were narrowed and apologetic, though I knew he'd never apologize to me aloud._

_"It wasn't yer fault that I got shot, Lizzie. I shouldn't have made you do what you did, even if it got us a ship. That bastard...he could have hurt you. I would have never been able to... Well, you know. I'd have had to live with that forever, knowing that I was the cause for what he'd have done."_

_I nodded. I knew what he was trying to say. "Thank you, Jack." I mumbled, turning my head quickly to kiss one of his palms. "But it wasn't your fault. I could have refused you, but I didn't." I wasn't sure why I'd been foolish enough to agree to what he asked. Perhaps it was because I wanted to prove my worth to him. Perhaps it was because I think I might, in fact, do _anything _he asked, no matter how silly._

_Oh hell._

_I'm in love with him. I'm in love with Jack._

_Why? Why _me, _why _him?_ What about _Will_?_

_Maybe I have already answered all these questions, and I already know what I want. Perhaps it was just denial that kept me back. In any case, this just made everything so much more complicated. Even more since Will gave me the right to move on to someone else that makes me happy. Jack makes me happy. Every cell in my body leaps for joy when he's around. Yet, I still feel like I am betraying him, betraying my first love. And I love him, I really do, but we've grown apart. I can deny that no longer. We've become two different people, wanting to different things. There's nothing that can change that now._

_Taking his hands in mine, I looked hard at him for a long moment. Then I sighed. _

_"Why did you do that Jack?" I asked. He looked confused, so I added, "Why did you kiss that one girl, in that tavern?" Immediately he looked down right amused, and then a little guilty. "To irritate me?" I pressed. "Because you did _that_ very well."_

_"To make you jealous." he corrected, heaving a long, tired sigh. His dark chocolate eyes met mine, and immediately I was captured. Needless to say, I didn't struggle to get free. Instead, I relished the hold he had on me._

_"Why?" I breathed, frowning a little, then finally looked down and turned one hand over, letting the other go so that I could trace the lines on his palm._

_"You are so determined t' stick wiv' a man who isn't around anymore. So determined to wait for a whelp with no heart, and no future with you. That was lost, and it can never be regained. Still, I think that, somewhere inside ye, you have a soft spot fer' Ol' Captain Jack." I glanced up sharply in time to see his teeth glint gold as he grinned widely. "Ye might as well admit it, love. The whole purpose of the wench was fer me t' see how ye'd react. Ye threw a bloody mug at me head and ran of cryin', love, that has t' count as somethin'. I know you well enough t' know that something 'bout the whole charade bothered ye."_

_"Of _course_ it bothered me!" I exclaimed wildly, pulling my hands away. He looked mildly surprised. "We'd kissed, and yes, that kiss meant something to me, but then you turn around and kiss someone else like the kiss _we_ shared meant absolutely nothing! And then you just rubbed it in my face. So yes, it hurt, and yes, it bothered me, and yes, I was upset! Perhaps I _do_ have a soft spot for you, not that it matters any."_

_"Why do ye say that?" The amusement slowly trickled from his expression as his smile turned into a frown, like he had guessed what I was about to say beforehand._

_"I know you, Jack. I've known you for a long time, and I keep seeing the same thing over again. I don't blame you, that's who you are."_

_"What the hell are ye talkin' 'bout, girl?" Swiftly, he grabbed his face again, pulling me closer to his. My eyes widened in alarm. "Are ye saying that you think I wouldn't be able to return said feelings?" He shook me, but gently, and my teeth chattered. "Silly, silly girl!" he growled, then shook his own head, tangling his fingers into my hair as I scooted closer to him so that I wouldn't be uncomfortable. "Why do you think I let Will stab the heart? Why do you think I was there t' comfort ye, why I gave ye that bloody journal ye've been writin' in? _Why_ do you think I've saved you a million times over, when ye could have easily been killed and dealt with?" He shook his head again. "They say actions speak louder than words. If all I have ever done isn't enough t' prove somethin' to ye, then I'm at a loss of what else I could do."_

_He was skipping around what he really wanted to say, I knew that, but I got the meaning anyways, and smiled. So perhaps he didn't love me, or anything like that, but he cared a hell of a lot about me just like I cared about him. Immediately, trying to protect myself, I pushed away all thoughts of what could happen and instead focused on what was happening now. He stared at me for the longest moment, then pulled my head forward so that I could feel his breath warm on my face. His eyes flickered down to my lips and then back up to me, waiting and questioning._

_I decided for him, leaning in the rest of the way and very carefully pressing my lips against his. He smiled a little, and then he kissed me back, his hands falling from my hair to around my waist, leaning forward to kiss me harder..._

_The he groaned and pulled away, looking pained. I laughed a little and reached up to smooth out of face with my fingers. I supposed I should be careful, keep my distance until he was better... Plus I had a lot of thinking to do anyways, with what I just learned and all._

_I'll keep you updated!_

_Love,_

_Elizabeth Swann_


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: _**Thank you so much for all the enthusiastic reviews! I am so glad that you all are enjoying this story!**_

Disclaimer: Sorry. Don't own. Wish I did.

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**Chapter 13:**

_June 7, 1689_

_Dear Journal,_

_Jack is slowly but surely getting better now. Every day the fire in his eyes seems to get stronger. Soon enough he'll be out of bed, even if he's not fully healed. I don't think there's really a way to stop him. It will happen. After all, with the _Pearl_ gone he's more than determined to find his ship, because he'd rather have her at the bottom of the ocean than in Hector's hands. I don't blame him. I feel the same way. I just want Jack to look happy again, to have his ship back. I can only see him when I see the _Pearl,_ he's her only _real_ captain. Any one else who steers her is an impersonator, an intruder._

_I've been thinking a lot, about what I discovered. It's frightening, to know that I love him. Just the thought of parting with him hurts me now. Not only is the sea what I want, but he is what I want as well. He is the embodiment of freedom. Without him, freedom just seems..._dull._ If I had my own ship, which I very well could, it wouldn't be the same thing without seeing him every morning at the helm, looking wild and untamable, his eyes glowing with an excitement that can't be stomped out by any mere thing._

_Which is _exactly_ what of what I'm scared. I've fallen for a man who is dangerous and unpredictable. He has my heart, just as Will does (but in a different way), and Jack could break it as easily as he could one of his empty rum bottles. What if he toys around with me for a little while, and then once he's done being amused is no longer interested in me, or my love for him, and turns his back on all that we had? If we'll have anything at all..._

_I have many hopes for this new found emotion that's inside me. Jack cares for me. He admitted such only a few days ago. However, he does not love me. I didn't really think that he would at first anyways, if _ever._ At least I know he doesn't hate me, but still. What will happen between us? Will we spend more time together and do all that being a couple does, or will nothing happen at _all?_ If he doesn't want what I want, which isn't much, I don't think he will hurt me... Jack's not a cruel man, I know that. He'd let me down gently, but the knowledge that such a thing_ might_ happen hurts._

_I've always heard that you can't have love without pain and fear. Perhaps that is more true than I ever realized before._

_I am probably a fool for falling in love with him. I will probably only get hurt in the end, be left with the tiny shards of my broken heart. That doesn't matter, though. I couldn't help myself. Who could? He's so charming, and undeniably handsome... Witty, sly, _mysterical_... Dangerous too, I know that. I'm not surprised that I find myself hopelessly head-over-heels with him..._

_I'm just no longer sure what to do with myself. This new knowledge has left me toppled over and inside out._

_Love,_

_Elizabeth_

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_June 8, 1689_

_Dear Journal,_

_Just as I suspected. I came in this morning to check on Jack (I took back my old quarters now that he is awake), and he wasn't there. I went to find him, and there he was, out on deck shouting orders. The crew has been slacking ever since he was bedridden, and seeing them cower like the dogs they are? It was...oddly refreshing. Anyways, I went over to him, and noticed that he seemed to be uncomfortable but was trying to hide it. I should have known, and I should have stopped him. He didn't want to stay in bed, like he should, but his pride and being captain made him do it. And now he was suffering because of it. His eyes were bright with pain and anger, which tipped me off more than anything else, really._

_"Jack." I whispered to him, grabbing his hand. He turned to stare at me, then smiled, although it didn't quite reach his eyes. "You are hurting." It wasn't a question, and he sighed. I tugged at his hand a little, careful not to add more pain. "Come inside and lay down."_

_He shook his head, pulling his hand back with a frown. "No." he said childishly, pouting a little. "I've been in bed too long. I need t' be out here."_

_My eyes narrowed, and I took his hand again, holding it tighter. He was in pain, and so I knew he wouldn't shove me away for fear that he might hurt even more. "Listen to me." I demanded. "You are hurting. If you don't stay in bed until you heal, then you'll get worse, and then you _will_ be bedridden, and longer. Do you understand me? Another week in bed and no more pain? Or a month in bed and agony all the way through. Your choice."_

_He glared at me half-heartedly, then pulled Gibbs aside and told him that he was in charge before following me below deck, all the while muttering angry curses under his breath. I only smiled and pulled him in through his quarters and into the bedroom, where I lay him down. When he tried to sit up, probably to defy me a little, I crawled on the bed and straddled him, putting my hands on his chest. He immediately relaxed, staying where he was. I smiled down at him, careful not to put any weight on his upper torso, for fear it would hurt him._

_Apparently, however, he didn't mind that much, for he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me down against his chest. Our faces were a mere inch apart, and he smiled roguishly, ignoring the worry that was written all over my expression._

_"Jack, are you sure-" He frowned and lifted his head, cutting me off with a swift, fleeting kiss._

_"Ye worry about me too much, love." he whispered against my mouth, then pulled away, shutting his eyes with a sigh. I blinked, but then cautiously rest my forehead against his cheek, moving a little while I tried to keep my weight off him, for the most part. He realized this and his grip on me tightened, until I couldn't do anything but rest my whole body weight on him. I straightened my legs out, then sighed, frowning. "Ye won't hurt me...I'm almost healed, remember? Just hurts when I walk an' stuff. Ye're light love, maybe _too_ light." He shook his head, then kissed my temple, causing me to lift my head and stare at him. "I could carry ye fer miles and I probably wouldn't even break a sweat." _

_I began to scowl in annoyance at his teasing, but then he kissed me, and I couldn't remember what I had been about to say anymore._

_The kiss was again quick, and I pouted when he pulled away. He chuckled and pressed his lips to mine once more, then brushed some hair from my forehead with a soft, wistful sigh._

_"Don' worry, love." he whispered to me, and the sound of his voice made my heartbeat quicken. "As soon as I'm better I'll take yer breath away, and more." I think he felt me shudder, because he grinned, and then let me go. I scrambled up off the bed and told him that I was going to go get something for him to eat before I ran out of them room. I would do that...but not right away..._

_Still my heart quickens erratically when I remember his whispered promise, and the husky sound of his voice when he said it. One week until he'd be healed... Any sooner and I think my heart just might stop. I know what he meant when he said such a thing... Even now I think I might start to hyperventilate...for more than one reason too, which I'll write about once I've calmed down. I should really go take Jack his food, and then leave the room _immediately._ Does he know how much he affects me, how much power he has over me?_

_I don't think he does. Not yet, anyways..._

_Love,_

_Elizabeth Swann_


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: _**Thanks for all the reviews!**_

Disclaimer: I don't own the Mouse.

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**Chapter 14:**

_June 9, 1689_

_Dear Journal,_

_That's it. I can't keep Jack in bed any longer. Again he got up, and when I went to fetch (and half-heartedly scold him) he snapped at me. I didn't really realize what being stuck in bed would do to him. However, if he wants to be in agony for longer than he could be, that's up to him. He'll have no one to blame but himself._

_He's such a foolish, stubborn, hard-headed idiot. Honestly, if it wasn't for Gibbs (and now me as well) I don't think he'd live very long. He doesn't want to take care of himself, especially when he gets hurt. He thinks all he needs is rum to keep him going, and a few hours of sleep._

_That has to change. He may not like it, no, he _won't_ like it, but it's for his own good. He'll realize that...someday. He'll realize that he's not all that lucky, that he's not invincible, and then he will be forced to think through what he's doing more carefully. I wish he just wasn't so..._independent._ He's let me seen more than anyone else, I'm sure, and sometimes what he says honestly puzzles me (take the night I realized that he cares, for instance. I wasn't expecting that. He doesn't usually open up so much, to anyone let alone to me). Yet, he's still hidden away, the mystery of who he really is buried deep below the surface, buried deep inside a heart which is locked up and barred so that no one can worm their way in. It annoys me to know that he doesn't trust anyone with his secrets and his thoughts, but I also know that I was the one that was closest to cracking him open, perhaps, and I went and killed him. I had a chance, and I lost it._

_Yet perhaps I have wormed myself past his barriers. There has to be a few cracks, a few places that are so small he'd not see them, where I could quietly slip in and root myself. And I have, apparently. Jack is a very good friend. I see a lot that no one else sees. That heart of gold, that caring smile, how I know he is a good man...he wouldn't show those to just anyone, would he? The way he holds himself tells me that he wouldn't. He's strong, fearsome, egoistic. A danger to behold on all the seven seas. Even his ship strikes fear into those what see the black sails, who knows the legends behind her strongly built form._

_I see the other side of him. He is not brutal, nor is he unfair. He treats his crew well, and if he can sway from the path of violence he will (unless, of course, it comes down to him and his sworn enemy. Like Barbossa, for example). He doesn't hold a grudge lightly, he cares very much for all his possessions, and he really is somewhat of a kind, gentle man at heart, though I'm sure he would never, _ever_ show it. I don't think he'd ever want to admit that he's just a tad bit soft when it comes to the things he cares about, which makes me think all the more that he really _does_ care about me. He was right, even though he would never say _'I care about you'_ aloud or to me, he would show it with his actions, and he has._

_Jack is a brave, brilliant, amazing man, but I wish he wouldn't try and hide himself from me. Not now when I already know so much about him. Or, at least, as much as he would ever let me know._

_This frustrates me quite a lot, and quite frequently. I don't think I will ever really understand who he is, or what his childhood is like, or why he believes and thinks the way he does. It will most likely always be a mystery that is unsolved._

_Not that I will give up trying to understand him. Never._

_Love,_

_Elizabeth Swann_

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_June 9, 1689_

_**(Night time)**_

_Dear Journal,_

_I know I already wrote this morning, but a lot of things happen during the day, and so I will write about one thing that was more...interesting and kind of shocking...not that it didn't get better around the end._

_About half way through the work day I went over, _again_ asking Jack to go lay down (I should really know better by now. He's too stubborn for his own good!). Of course, he said no, but I pleaded and bugged until he got upset and followed, glaring and pouting the whole way. I really had to try hard not to laugh. He's such a _baby_ sometimes. I think, though, that he _knew_ he had to lay down, and me coming over was an excuse to go, but he had to make a big deal out of it as a performance for the crew. I really do think he is grateful, because the moment we were inside he sped off into the other room and collapsed on the bed with a loud, tired, and pained groan. I followed, pulled off his boots and his coat (with his help), then sat on the edge of the bed._

_"Come lay my me." Jack bade, smiling as he reached out and pulled me down against his chest. I snuggled against his warm, comfortable body and shut my eyes, feeling his arms come around me. Hands resting on my stomach, his nose skimmed across my hair, and then he buried his face against my neck._

_"Stay in bed tomorrow, please." I said after a moment. He sighed, then inhaled, as if he was smelling my hair. I actually think he was._

_"I can't. I have me duties, ye know that." I frowned, then shook my head. _

_"You know you want to stay in here. You seemed very eagar to come with me. I know your in pain, Jack, so why must you try so hard to hide it? From everyone, from.._.me?"_ He snorted, and I turned in his arms to look at his face. It was brooding._

_"I'm the bloody captain." he said at last. "I've to be strong all the time. If something bad happens, I'm the one they look to in expectancy that I will fix it. They work for me, I get them where they are going. I decide almost everything. Getting shot was _not_ a good thing. I'm no longer in charge when I'm hurt. Gibbs takes over, and I am skipping out on my duties. So I must be out there as soon as I can, before they can start to question whether I am a good captain for them or not."_

_"They are good men." I argued. "They understand that you are in pain, and that you were hurt. They would not mutiny against you for getting shot."_

_He raised an eyebrow. "No? I thought the same thing once. 'They like me, they trust me. They should know that I will give them a fair share of the treasure' I thought, but that wasn't it. They mutinied against me, left me for dead, all because of greed. They wanted me out of the picture. Instead of a good captain, they wanted a traitorous bastard. And only _one_ man stood up for me. Instead of respecting him for that, they let him drown. They _killed_ him." He shook his head. "When ye're a pirate love, ye can never be too careful."_

_I stared at him, shocked, then rest my head against his chest and shut my eyes. I hadn't realized it was that bad, I thought the men on the _Pearl_ were good people. They respected me, and him, because Jack was always good and fair and I was the Pirate King. I didn't realize that the balance was so precarious, that one wrong decision would send everything crashing down on him._

_"Some people would speak up for you, Jack." I whispered. "Gibbs would, for sure. Cotton, Marty, Pintel and Ragetti - Those two more than the others. I think they learned their lesson the first time. And...me. _I'd_ speak up for you too."_

_"Ye wouldn't if ye were smart." Jack said darkly, looking away from me now. His eyes were distant and angry. "Those who fall behind are left behind. If I was mutinied by the majority of the crew, the few men to defy would be killed. Those who spoke out would be silenced. Even you, my King, even you."_

_A thrill of excitement rushed through me when he said 'my King'. I bit my lip, feeling warm, then sighed and shut my eyes. "I am sorry it is that way, Jack. I'd no idea." He sighed and gently ran his fingers through my hair, seeming to be lost in his thoughts again. I frowned, then turned so that I was laying against him fully, my chest pressed against his. He didn't even open his eyes, but let out a soft sigh, the hints of a smile pulling at the corners of his lips, though he seemed like he was trying so very hard to keep from showing that this pleased him. I smiled, then gently pressed my lips against his before pulling away._

_His hands snapped to my face, and then his lips were against my, soft, warm, and very delicious. I sighed contentedly, our mouths moving together perfectly, as if they had been made to be like this. His lower lip fit beautifully between mine, and my upper lip between his, and for a moment everything seemed fine. He was not hurt, I was not confused, the _Pearl_ was safe and reclaimed, and Will?_

_Oh, Will._

_E.S_


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: _**Thank you to all of those who reviewed. I love getting feedback from you all. For those who don't, review and tell me what you think! I'd be much obliged!**_

Disclaimer: I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean.

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**JEPK 15:**

_June 11, 1689_

_Dear Journal,_

_Well._

_Jack insists that he will be better by tomorrow. He told me that this morning, claims that he feels wonderful, if just a little stiff, and that getting out of bed would really do him some good. I can't disagree...if only for the fact that, ever since he told me, he's been staring at me, watching me with those beautiful, dark, fathomless eyes of his. No matter where I go, if I am in his range of vision, he's always staring after me._

_It's unnerving, to say the least. And I know _why_ it is too._

_His promise. His promise to take my breath away, and more. He's planning to make good on that, which means..._

_Oh God._

_Well._

_The immediate question is, do I want this. Do I want _him?_ I am sure I could stop him if I needed to. He wouldn't do anything to go against what I wanted, I know that, but...do I really want to stop him if I have no good reason? Just because I am a coward and afraid of what I will find if we go...farther, go deeper?_

_I love him, but I am not sure yet how deep that love runs, how immovable my feelings for him are. Sleeping with him...that would be the ultimate root, the thing that would secure my love for him. Something that, once fastened, could never be ripped out._

_And even then, even if I _did_ sleep with Jack...I still love Will. Perhaps not in the way I thought, but I do, and somehow I would feel guilty if I went and gave all I could give to the man that I love. I love them both, but Jack more than Will, and Jack in a different way. I will never feel...the passion and desire that I feel with Jack towards Will. I never have, now that I really think about it. I love him, but in a more childish, innocent way. Where we can just sit back, bask in the comfortable silence, share tender looks and hold hands. Jack and I would never be able to have that. There is tension, sexual and mental tension between us, and not all of it is bad. However, Jack will never just be able to relax and spend time with me in that way. He might stand and watch the sunrise with me, his arms around my waist, but instead of just being comfortable where he was I can almost guarantee the silence would be filled with sensual kisses, touches, and smoothly whispered words about going back to bed._

_I crave both. I want both that fever of love, the raging storm that takes us to new heights, and that time of silence, where we can just be content to lay in one another's arms, enjoying being alive, enjoying being with each other._

_I don't think that Jack could ever really give both. He doesn't strike me as a tender sort of man, really. He's more dark, dangerous, and very sly. He does, though, have that soft spot in him, not that it comes out very often. And when it does, when he slips up his guard and lets me see who he really is, I know he regrets it. I see it in his eyes, the anger towards himself, the helplessness, the tenderness towards me, and the bitterness when he realizes what he's done._

_I wish he wouldn't act that way. It's not bad for him to let me know what he's feeling. It builds trust, doesn't it? I suppose, though, that it's just how he is. Perhaps he will never really open up to me farther than he opens up to his crew. In that case, it saddens me, but there is nothing I can do about it. I just don't know how we can have a relationship without him being able to trust me, and me being able to trust him._

_I wonder if killing him made him harden more towards me. It's something I really, truly regret, and yet I don't think he will ever be able to let it go. He forgave me, sure, but still. I killed him, I broke his trust. I broke down the walls with that kiss, he'd been so vulnerable, and then? Then I killed him. And he hates that, hates that in a moment of weakness he showed me everything._

_I will still go on with this newly founded relationship, I think. Perhaps I just need to give it time, need to learn more about him and who he is. Perhaps, after a while, he will be fit to trust me, to show me more of who Captain Jack Sparrow truly is, instead of hiding behind masks and legends._

_One can only hope._

_Still, what am I going to do about tomorrow? Tomorrow night, most likely. I can't lie and say I..._don't_ want this, with him, and us, together...but I've never slept with anyone before. Not even Will, remember? We decided to wait and see instead of getting married? He wanted to do it properly, wanted to have me properly. If, after ten years pass, I still want him, _then_ he and I will get married._

_It all depends on Jack and my relationship now, during the next ten years._

_In any case, I can't lie and say I'm not nervous, because I am. And I should probably tell Jack that I am still a virgin...would he even want me if he realized I was?_

_Oh, we have so much to talk about, so many things to say, to discuss, to remember. And I will really hate having to bring this up to him, but I should probably ask if there is an 'us', and what will happen in the future. If he figures upon taking my innocence and then dumping me in some port, then I'll leave now, before that happens. You can never be too careful with Sparrow, he has such a past with those things. Yet, he _is_ a good man, and I am hoping that he will want to keep me, instead. He said so before, but after that he was so grumpy and irritable, which calls back to what I said about him regretting._

_I think I need to go somewhere quiet, after my shift, and think everything over. Shift starts soon, but...being with Jack is something hugish, and it would be a lie to say that it doesn't matter, because to _hell _it does!_

_There is so much I need to figure out, think about, realize... I love Jack, and yet I'm afraid of what that means, of what will happen in our relationship, of what the future will bring for the both of us. Fate is cruel, I've realized that. Fate has torn Will and I apart more than once. Will it tear Jack and I apart as well?_

_Again, so many questions and, dammit, not enough answers._

_I hate being so confused. What happened to the time where I was the strong Pirate King, Lord of Singapore, Captain of the Empress? I had my head back then, I knew exactly what I was doing all the time, and questions like this didn't even exist._

_And it all fell apart after the battle._

_How...inconvenient._

_Love,_

_Elizabeth Swann_


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: _**Thank you for all the amazingly thoughtful reviews! I really hope you enjoy this chapter!**_

_**Also, I will be gone from the 3-9, so this will be the last update until after then. Unless everyone reviews before then...in which case I will try and update on Saturday. Still, I try to give people time to review, and I appreciate every one. Thank you!**_

Disclaimer: I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean.

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**Chapter 16:**

_June 12, 1689_

_Dear Journal,_

_Jack's out of bed for good today. I went in this morning to check on him and he was up and dressed, combing through his dreadlocks and trinkets with his fingers before retying on his bandanna. He hadn't spotted me, and I went to duck out of the room quietly and try to avoid him, but the door creaked and he turned around on his heel, stuffing his hat on his head. I froze and he stared at me, then smirked before coming over, his infamous swagger seeming to put a bounce in his step._

_He stopped right in front of me, then suddenly looked confused for a moment before he reached out, placing two fingers under my chin. I held my breath, waiting, but...nothing happened._

_"What's the matter, Elizabeth?" he asked quietly, all mischief gone from his expression. "Why are you so tense, hm? Ye look...troubled."_

_"Jack." I whispered, glued to the spot. His eyes narrowed a little, and then his arm slid around my waist, pulling me against him. "Jack, I-" I trailed off, my body now pressed snugly against his. My breath caught, a warmth slowly flooding through my body as my heartbeat started to beat faster. I glanced up and met his eyes, and then they shut as he leaned in slowly, his hand tipping my head back. He brushed the back of his hand across my cheek, and then his mouth pressed gently against mine._

_We'd kissed before, ever since I admitted that I was jealous. We'd kissed, but it was nothing like this. This wasn't an innocent kiss. No, this was a kiss that would grow into something more, that would end with us both in his bed, lost in each other. I knew that, but I couldn't pull away, I couldn't tell him what I needed to tell him. Instead I only kissed him back, my arms coming up to lock around his neck, pulling him closer._

_Our lips moved in sync as Jack moved forward, shutting the door with his foot. Then I was pressed up against it, and Jack's kisses became more demanding, a strong undercurrent of desire beneath each one. A gasp escaped my lips as his knee slid up between my legs, parting them, and then he was nibbling on my lower lip, worrying it with his tongue and teeth before he parted my lips, surging in to explore every part of my mouth, leaving me breathless afterwords._

_I was very warm now, and my breathing was very ragged as he pulled away, cupping my face carefully in his hands. He studied me for a moment, then lowered his head to kiss along my jaw, one hand sliding down to my neck to help tip my head to the side. Feeling completely boneless, my head lolled, and I shuddered as he reached my neck, then moved his soft, weathered lips up to my ear, where he gently bit down on my earlobe._

_"Jack!" I gasped, shuddering._

_I felt his lips curve up into a smile against my ear, and then he pulled back, pulling me towards the bed. I stumbled after him, unable to stop, unable to plant my feet down and talk to him about what we were going to do. My mind was spinning, and my breathing was hard, and God...I wanted _more._ I wanted so much more, I wanted his hands on my skin, the fire I felt to burn hotter and rush through my veins._

_Taking me in his arms, he gently lay me down on the bed, and then he was over me, his hands threading into my hair again, his lips kissing mine with a sense of urgency. A soft moan was heard, and for a moment I wondered who had made that sound. Was that..._me?_ Then his lips were against my neck, moving downwards, tracing lightly along my throat and pulse. My hands tightened on his shoulders, air leaving me in sharp, labored gasps. I could feel my body trembling, and it ached, longed for something more, something even better._

_Jack's hands slipped from my head, moving down to the hem of my shirt. He lifted his head, his lips leaving the hollow of my throat so that he could concentrate on pulling my shirt off me. My skin burned from his kisses, and my eyes shut as I tried to collect my thoughts._

_Then I felt my shirt lifting up, Jack's hands brushing against my stomach, and I knew I had to stop him...stop him before I didn't have the strength to do so anymore._

_"Jack." I whispered, my voice sounding interestingly deeper than usual. He glanced up at me and smiled, pausing to trace my lips with two fingers of his right hand._

_"Sh, love. Give me a moment." he said, but I merely shook my head._

_"Jack, I can't...I can't do this."_

_He blinked, his hand tightening on the fabric of my shirt. For a moment it looked as if he was going to be angry with me, but then he simply shut his eyes, took in a deep breath, and then opened them again to stare at me._

_"Why not?" he asked coolly, his thumb tracing across my cheek with the utmost tenderness. "William's not a problem anymore, he's gone. Ye want this...I know ye do, so why not?"_

_I grimaced, finding it very hard to think when he was touching me. He raised an eyebrow, then looked about to start up again when I sat up, shaking my head._

_"Jack, I've never... That is to say, I haven't..." I trailed off when he suddenly pulled away from me, expression suddenly guarded, though an immense amount of surprise seeped past to show in his eyes._

_"You and William..."_

_I shook my head. "Never."_

_He winced. "Well." he whispered, rubbing at his face with his hands. "This changes..._everything._"_

_"Why? What does it change?" I asked, suddenly wondering if this meant he didn't want me anymore...I cringed away from the thought._

_"Everything! Elizabeth, ye're...innocent. Never been touched. I thought...it would be _easier_ for the both of us if ye two _had,_ but ye've not...and ye're..." He shook his head, seeming to be suddenly confused. "Ye don't understand. Ye're a virgin. Never been touched, never been explored, never been known before..." He blew out a sigh. "It's William's right to be the first, not me." I was starting to get the feeling he'd never been with a virgin before...and so I asked. He looked over at me, surprised. "Oh no, I have." He smiled slightly. "A few times, at least."_

_"Then why, _why_ is this such a big problem?" I demanded, feeling more and more hurt with each second._

_"Because it bloody _is!"_ he said, waving his hands in the air to make his point. "It's a delicate process, that. All painful and the like. I wanted you t' be past all of that..."_

_"Maybe I don't want Will to be the one to know me. Maybe I only want you to be."_

_Jack stared at me, blinking, then shook his head. "You don't mean that." he said, rubbing at his face again. "I don't even know if I could...not wiv' you, not to you."_

_He was speaking to himself now, staring at his hands, his breathing still slightly ragged. I stared at him, uncomprehending, then finally got up. He could do it to other women, but not to me...and that told me a lot. Well, actually, not really a lot. I was still very confused. Why was he acting this way all of the sudden? I wanted him...I wanted to be with him, but I was just worried... Oh, I should have never said anything. I should have known it would have made something like this happen._

_"Fine." I said. "I'll see you later, Captain Sparrow." Then I left the room, able to feel his eyes on me, his dark, equally confused gaze, but I didn't look back. I couldn't. If I did, I knew what would happen._

_The Pirate King doesn't beg for anything._

_So I left._

_And now I have no idea what will happen...but it hurts. My whole body aches just thinking about what he did to me, remembering his touch and his kisses...it's burning me from the inside out, and I don't know how to stop it. I wish it would, though. I want it to go away, I want it to stop._

_Is this what love is? Agony, pain, suffering, and confusion, followed by tiny moments of happiness and content? Is that really worth the seemingly sparse happy moments, or should I just give it up completely?_

_But...what kind of world would it be for me without Jack Sparrow?_

_Dark, desolate, lonely..._

_Love,_

_Elizabeth_


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: _**Thanks to all those who reviewed. I really**__** appreciated it, but I'm thinking I need to clarify something here.**_

_**I had a reason for writing what I did last chapter. One, we can't exactly see what Jack is feeling...how do **_**you**_** know what is going on inside his head? Two, he pulled away because he loves her and he doesn't want to be the one to hurt her. He wasn't expecting that, he'd thought that she'd been with Will a long time ago. And sure, he's wanted Elizabeth for a long time, but perhaps he assumed she'd been with Will before. And don't bring up the whole 'I'm so ready to be married' issue. I know. Doesn't mean she's not been with anyone before.**_

_**As for Will having the right... Elizabeth still loves Will and vice versa, Jack knows that. More than that, they are still engaged, just having postponed the wedding until the ten years are up, unless Liz wants to be with another. Jack had thought they'd already done it, and he found they hadn't, and so he was bloody reluctant to take her because of Will. Elizabeth told him it was okay, but it's the whole 'good man' thing coming through, he doesn't want her to **_**regret it, **_**and start wishing that Will had been the one instead.**_

_**Do people forget that he's a good man sometimes? Honestly. He loves Elizabeth, he wants her to be happy and comfortable..he wouldn't take her immediately afterwards. He needs to think this through, he needs time...He's a human being, he can be confused, frustrated, and hesitant.**_

_**So please, stop to think about Jack's reasons and choices, analyze a bit more and don't assume. Things are not always as they appear, remember that. lol**_

Disclaimer: I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean.

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**Chapter 17:**

_June 13, 1689_

_Dearest Journal,_

_We're beginning to get low in supplies, and so Jack has said that we will be stopping at the nearest port, quickly. Just to get what we need, nothing more than that. I can _still_ hear the crew's disappointed groans...but I understand what he meant. If we waste time doing things we don't really need to do, the _Pearl_ will just get farther and father away, making her harder and harder to catch. It's been almost over two weeks now since she was taken, and we've still no sign of her. She's the fastest ship on the Caribbean...and she's gone._

_If only we knew where Barbossa was headed...maybe _then_ we could cut him off, take the _Black Pearl_ back. Jack's just been...not really himself, not since she was taken._

_Speaking of Jack...the tension between him and I is now almost unbearable. I still don't know why he didn't take me yesterday...I admit I'm a bit nervous about the whole thing, and what he said about there being pain...but I want him. Is he afraid I might regret it after it is all said and done? That I might wake up in his arms, slap him, and hate him for the rest of my life because of it?_

_I won't hate him, and I won't regret it. I want to be with him..._

_I just don't think he really can quite comprehend that, and I can sort of understand why. I've been in love with Will for a long time. I've pushed aside Jack's advances, waved off his flirting, ignored him when he tried to seduce me... Perhaps he thinks that I'd only be with him now because Will is gone, and because I want to be with someone. I'm so really to be married...I'm so ready to have someone _finally_ show me what is so special about making love to someone, and I want Jack to be that person. I bet, though, that he's worried I'll run off to Will in ten years or something..._

_I wish I knew what was going on inside his mind. He's doubting, and he's acting like the good man I know he is, and to hell, I wish he'd damn that and act like the pirate he is, just this once. It is not the time...not the situation where he should be a good man. Not for this, not for something I really, really want._

_I once told him that I knew he'd never put me into a situation that would compromise my honor. I was right, he won't. Yet, why is that? It seems so...so unlike him. With all those wenches, he beds them without a single care to who they are or what they want...not that he forces them or anything, but he never second guesses...so why is he doing that with _me?

_It's all so confusing. I wish he'd let me understand, let me see what's bothering him. Maybe if I knew, I could stop his set of mind and correct him, tell him it's alright..._

_I don't think he'd appreciate that, though. He makes his own decisions, though that doesn't really mean I understand them...I'll give him time. I'll let him come to me when he is ready, when he is done thinking things through, if indeed that is what he's doing._

_If we're going to have a relationship of some sorts, and I _still_ need to talk to him about that, then he and I will need to be able to communicate. I know he and I are both stubborn as hell, I know he and my temper can flare up at any moment with just a word or even a look, but still. We are so alike, him and I, I and him, _us._ Peas in a pod, he once called us. Perhaps even soul mates. I've never met another man like him, one whom is almost like my equal. He wants everything I want, I want everything he wants. Freedom, the sea, a ship...the wind in my hair and the spray of salt on my tongue..._

_I feel as if we were meant to be together, that fate intervened to make sure that our paths were crossed again and again, without rest and hesitation, until the both of us realized that we are supposed to be with each other. Maybe not in a romantic way...perhaps simply as friends, but oh, it is so much more than that. I'm sure of it._

_Not that I'll be able to get anything out of Jack. He doesn't strike me as a person who'd admit their feelings well. I know I've written this down before, but he's always trying to hide his feelings, as if he thinks that, if he showed anyone even a little bit of who he _really _is, he'd be struck by lightening or cursed and smote into a pile of ashes or something along those lines. It's ridiculous!_

_Plus, it's not as if I will go and tell anyone else that he's a bit softer when he's around me. Just a little, not much, but still. You can't have a relationship without starting to think about the other, and not just yourself. When Will and I fell in love so very long ago, Will turned from the withdrawn, polite, formal young blacksmith to a bolder, intimate, included man who called me by my first name, held my hand in public, whispered things in my ear, went out of his way to do things for me..._

_I _know_ Jack isn't just like Will. Jack's more intense, tricky, able to hide behind many different things and put a damper on his emotions with the greatest skill. Even then, I do not think that, if we were to someday become a couple, he would stay the way he is. He'd have to be a bit more open. Perhaps he wouldn't hold my hand or say sweet things to me, but he'd be kinder, less hard and distantly cold, less withdrawn emotionally. Playful banter sometimes is fine, I admit. I enjoy it very much when we fight with words and try to outwit each other, but all the time? That isn't right. Sometimes there is a moment where the teasing ends, and seriousness comes into play. He can't always be so flippant, so careless, so unconcerned._

_Which makes me wonder. If I were to die, and I know this is a silly question, but still...would he even care? Would he mourn me in his own way, remember me, hurt because I was gone? Or would he simply not care, shake his head and walk away, forget me the next time another beautiful young wench happened upon him?_

_I don't really think I want to know, even though the answer would be...interesting._

_Oh. I _just_ heard the call of the sighting of land. I believe I'm needed to help dock._

_Love,_

_Elizabeth Swann_


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: _**Thank you so much for all the reviews! I loved coming back from camp and seeing them all! I really appreciated it!**_

_**Jack doesn't give a damn about William? lol I half-agree and half-disagree, but I won't go into that. Thanks so much for the review, anyways! I appreciate your feedback and critique, and respect it.**_

Disclaimer: I don't own Disney.

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**Chapter 18:**

_June 14, 1689_

_Dearest journal,_

_Well, we stopped in port early this morning, and with stopping came to learn two things._

_One, the _Black Pearl_ had been seen a little over a day ago, docking for only an hour or so to get supplies before it was gone. The people we talked to said they had gone east, towards the rising sun, the sails black and ominous, promising destruction and despair for the future. Jack was _overjoyed_ at this news. As long as we know which direction Barbossa is headed...we then have a better chance of stopping them!_

_Two, a few of the crew members had been marooned there, left without captain and ship, _including _Pintel, Ragetti, Marty, and Cotton. There were seven in all, seven out of thirty some crew members... I was surprised, but also somewhat pleased. Ragetti and I made immediate plans to continue his lessons. He said he'd missed them, and then grinned sheepishly and pointed out the flattered blush that was spreading across my cheeks and the light in my eyes, making them, he claimed, "glow brighter, miss, than the midnight stars". He tries to act like such a gentleman when I'm around...perhaps Jack will learn from him._

_Perhaps pigs will fly._

_Who am I kidding? Jack will _never_ be a gentleman. He's romantic, yes, but only when he wants something that I can give him. He's rarely tender, only concerned when something is very wrong... It makes me so very frustrated! Even more so, because the moment I think I understand him he goes and changes again, making me stumble, falter, and then confused._

_Sometimes I seriously feel like I could kill him a second time, and that I wouldn't regret it. I would, though, I know it, but he's just so bloody infuriating!_

_Yes, I know I'm whining... I've got to stop, but I just feel so..._lost_ when it comes to Captain Jack Sparrow. He tortures my mind, torments me, drives me towards the brink of insanity, and then grabs me and pulls me back just before I fall, all so he can do it _again!_ Sometimes I wish I could just banish him from me and love Will instead, love Will with the passion that I love Jack. Will isn't confusing. He's reliable, sweet, gentle, and above all he's predictable. I like that. Sure, it makes Jack mysterious, but that works in both good and bad ways. It's exciting and amazingly annoying all at once. Will, on the other hand...I can read him so well, I _know_ how he feels all the time, I know what he wants, I know how he works and his reasons behind everything that he does..._

_Ooh, I could just _strangle_ Jack! Does he really _want_ me to suffer like this?! I'm _sick_ and _tired_ of always being the helpless little damsel, the love-struck school girl who stops and starts drooling at the mere sight (or thought!) of him! Just at the sound of his _voice_ do my knees go weak, my heart beat faster, my breathing falter and then become irregular. It's...I _hate_ it! I hate _him!

_URGH!_

**- At this point the journal is angrily thrown down and forgotten -**

- **Ten minutes later: angry screaming - "OH MY GOD! YOU'RE SO DEAD, YOU SON OF A-" - More screams and the sound of someone pounding on the door fill the background -**

* * *

_Jack has successfully signed his death papers, as far as I am concerned, journal._

_I'm sorry I left before signing out, I went to go get some water and calm myself down. I was really pissed at myself, and at...oooh, I won't even mention his name! Anyways, he's doomed to die the moment _he_ lets me out of my quarters._

_Why?_

_I'll tell you, damn it, as I've nothing _better_ to do at the moment. God, he has a bullet with his name on it, just _waiting_ to meet him, and this time I _won't _be rescuing him from the Locker! Not again, it would be a waste of my time._

_I came back from getting some water to find that my door was cracked open...just a bit. I was thinking that such a thing was odd at the time, as I was sure I remembered shutting the door on the way out... Frowning, I pushed the door silently open, only to find... _HIM_ sitting on my bed, _apparently_ waiting for me, reading _MY_ journal!_

_What the _HELL!

_I stood there in total shock, too angry, embarrassed, and hurt to make myself say something. He flipped the page back, scanned over my last entry, tilted his head to the side, then flipped forward again before he suddenly seemed to realize that the door had been open. Perhaps there was a draft, or perhaps he could just _feel_ the fury rolling off of me in heat waves. He turned and met my eyes, and it infuriated me even _more_, if possible, to realize that he was masking the emotions in his eyes so that I couldn't read them. I...I poured my _heart_ into those journal entries, and he doesn't even have the _decency_ to let me see the same thing from him?_

_He is going to die. I swear I will kill him. I _swear_ it! He can't keep me in here forever!!_

* * *

_Sorry I left again. I couldn't keep writing, remembering what happened makes me so _mad!_ I fell asleep for probably about an hour...and then I went to check the door. Still locked. However, I hid you, I didn't want him sneaking in while I was out and reading more. The uncaring bastard._

_Anyways, leaving just made me madder! I didn't calm down, I got worse. Seeing as how I want to finish this, though, I should end this journal entry so that I can then plot how I am going to kill Captain bloody Jack Sparrow._

_So, I stood in the doorway, shaking with absolute rage, and he slowly walked towards me before stopping a few steps away, wary of the look of fury in my eyes. He hesitated, narrowed his eyes a little, then calculated my expression before he smiled cautiously. There was a light in his eyes I'd never seen before, and I suppose it would have struck me as curious if I hadn't been so upset._

_"Lizzie?" he asked, his voice deep and husky. Then he grabbed me by the shoulders, suddenly serious, looking hard into my eyes. "The journal, the one I put into your bonnie little possession. I came in here t'talk wiv' ye, it was there, it was open..." He shook me a little. "An' I have a question." he said, eyes narrowing. Still, I couldn't read them. I grit my teeth. "It says something, well it says a _lot_ of bloody things but that ain't the point, that caught me interest." He frowned for a moment, then turned away from me, seeming to think for a moment. Then he turned back, grinning. "It seems my intuitive sense of the female creature has proved correct. Tell me, Lizziebeth, what it said. Is that true? Ye really feel a deep and overwhelming sense of undeniable passion for me person?" His teeth sparkled gold._

_"You read my journal." I hissed venomously through my teeth, tears of humiliation burning in my eyes. At least he didn't read very much...only two entries out of the many that I have in there...but most of them are about him... Oh! It is so embarrassing! "You read my private thoughts, which are supposed to be _private!"_ My voice was rising in volume, and then I couldn't help it. I pulled back and punched him clear in the face, watching as he stumbled backwards, holding it. His eyes met mine._

_"Now Bess, be serious." he pleaded, smile gone, rubbing his nose a little. "I'm a pirate, you know that! Besides, did you ever think of actually_ talking _to me about things instead of just writing them all down?" Then he grinned again, just a little. "You were right about the whole gentleman thing, though. That I will never be."_

_"You _bastard!_ You no good, dirty, rotten, cheating, lying_ pirate!"_ I screeched, then flew at him, but he caught both wrists and tugged me close, wrinkling his nose a minute before he twisted me around, pinning me hard against the wall._

_"And you? You are no worse than I! Writing about me, all the time, but never telling me _anything_ you tell a piece of paper! If you'd have told me some of these things maybe, just _maybe_, things would have gone better the other day, hm? I came to talk to you, that was why I was in here. Waiting, because I knew we had to talk about it." I struggled, but he only pressed me harder. The look in his eyes made me hiss._

_"We? _We?_ What _we?_ I was the one who wanted it! I said it was fine, I said I didn't care, and you didn't _listen! What the hell, _Jack! I was just warning you, and you made a big deal out of _nothing!_" I struggled again, he loosened his grip on my wrist. A sorry mistake. My palm flashed out and collided with his cheek. A loud curse escaped his lips and he glared at me, eyes dark, before he surged forward and crushed his lips against mine._

_I was frozen for a mere second before I responded, lunging into the kiss and throwing my arms around his neck. Our mouths locked together, teeth scraping in angry passion as I was pinned between him and the wall again, unable to escape. Not that, I'm ashamed to admit, I _wanted_ to at the moment... My anger had been forgotten. His hand fell to my leg, and then he hitched it around his hip. I gasped at the contact, and the feeling of our bodies pressed tightly together, at the heat that once again coursed through me. He pried my lips open and deepened the kiss before he pulled back, gasping for air. I stared at him with wide eyes, and then my anger came back in double fold. Screeching, I lunged at him, knocking him to the floor. My hands found his shoulders before he'd recovered from loosing his oxygen, and then I began shaking him, screaming about how I was going to kill him._

_"Izzy!" he gasped, then caught me and rolled me over, snarling low in his throat. I struggled and screamed at him, tears rolling down my face._

_"Why don't you just go away?! I _hate _you! You don't even give a damn about me, let me go!" I yelled at him, and then he suddenly withdrew, looking hurt for a brief moment before he masked himself again. I sprung to my feet and screamed at him, but then he darted around me, slipping out of the room before he shut the door. I heard the click of the lock and sprinted to the door, pounding on it._

_"I'm not going to let you out of here until ye calm down, Miss Swann." he said calmly, and I paused. He'd never...used that name with me. Not for a very long time. "Or at least until ye stop threatening t' kill me. Ye can scream and rage all ye want, 's no bother t' me." I was suddenly worried that I'd gone too far, but then I realized that this was all _his_ fault, that he had no respect for other people's things or property, and so I began screaming at him again. I heard a sigh, a thump against the door (he was probably resting his forehead against the door), and then a few moments later, when I'd quieted, I heard footsteps walking away._

_Why is he trying to make _me_ feel guilty?!_

_Infuriating, selfish, good-for-nothing _pirate!

_E.S_


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: _**Wow! All the feedback I'm getting for this story...I am so surprised! Thanks to all who reviews and favorites and all that! I really, really appreciate it!**_

Disclaimer: Sorry! I own nothing!

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**Chapter 19:**

_June 15, 1689_

_Journal,_

_I'm out of my room now, if that's what you were wondering, and no._

_Jack Sparrow didn't meet his early and _unfortunate_ demise, as he wasn't the one who let me out._

_Will was._

_It was a total and almost heart-stopping moment when the door opened. I'd jumped up and grabbed my pistol, about to cock it when a head peeked around the door, familiar eyes and a soft smile coming into view._

_The pistol dropped from my hand, and then in the next moment I was in his arms, the door left wide open. He picked me up and twirled me around and I clung to him, my anger towards Jack melting away in a matter of milliseconds._

_"Will! Oh my God, Will!" I threw my arms around his neck and buried my face against his chest, feeling him gently set me back down. Then an arm was around my waist, his other hand stroking my hair._

_"Elizabeth." he breathed, his lips brushing against my hair. I inhaled deeply, his scent the same as I remembered it. Slowly I pulled back to look at him, then suddenly noticed how tired he looked, how pale and exhausted. Grimacing, my hand came to cradle his face, my fingertips brushing along his cheekbone, his nose, his lips._

_"You look so tired. Do you not rest?"_

_"I don't sleep." he told me, and I blinked. "I could not even if I tried. I keep awake, tossing and turning..." He shook his head, and as I stared into his eyes I could see how distant they were. He stared at me, and yet he wasn't seeing me, seeing and hearing, instead, the poor souls that were lost at sea, their cries for help..._

_"How long can you stay?" I asked, my heart suddenly heavy. He would be gone again, and it would be as if he had never been here at all. A moment of peace, a moment of happiness, lost in a future of anger and confusion._

_"Not very long. I'm on my way to gather some souls right now. There was a storm, and they were shipwrecked." A shrug. "I stay above water most of the time, and I saw Jack up at the helm when passing you... I thought I would stop and see how you were..." He trailed the back of his hand against my cheek, and my eyes shut as I leaned into his touch. I couldn't lie, I had missed this, I had missed being treated so gently. Not that the Pirate King needed to be treated as if she was some dainty thing, but it warmed me to know that he still cared about me, that someone still loved me._

_Even if it wasn't the person I wished it was._

_"I am fine." I whispered, opening my eyes to meet his. "I've missed you, Will, I really have." He smiled, but then I grimaced. He studied my face, and then sighed._

_"Jack lost the _Pearl, _I've noticed._" _he said, and I nodded. "To who? Barbossa?" I nodded again._

_"Will, I didn't know...the chest is with him. Hidden in my room, but I don't have it." He grimaced now, and I clung to him, my hand tightening on his shirt. "I have the key, though." Reaching into my pocket, I pulled it out to show him. "We _will_ find the _Pearl_, and we will get it back, and I will keep it safe once more."_

_He nodded, cupping my face in his hands. "I've faith in you. You are the only person I would ever trust with something so important." He smiled. "It belongs to you. It always has." I laughed, suddenly fighting back tears, then turned my head quickly, kissing each palm. He smiled, and then I was pulled into a crushing hug before I was let go. Then he took my hand, and we walked out of my quarters. I'd made sure to hide you, journal, before I left...I don't want to risk Jack finding it again._

_We walked out onto deck, and the moment I stepped out into the fresh air I bit my lip, able to feel Jack's dark gaze on my back. I didn't react, though, simply tightened my hand around Will's. We walked across the deck and went to stand next to the railing, talking. I asked him how he faired with his job, and his answer was long. He didn't sleep well because of the nightmares he had, he felt empty and funny without a heartbeat, without feeling very many emotions... He knew which emotions were which, though, because he'd experienced them before, but they were funny, different, without a heart. Most of the time he just felt depressed and lonely. Even _with_ his father around, whom he was becoming closer to...it wasn't the same. He missed _me_, he said, and he wished things wouls have turned out differently._

_I stayed silent, just holding his hand, keeping my fingers wrapped tightly about his. After a while I was pulled into his arms and didn't resist, merely leaning back against his chest with a soft sigh and a smile._

_"Oi! Will!" I stiffened, then pulled away from Will, letting him turn to watch as Jack came over, apparently done with his shift._

_"Jack." Will said, smiling. It seemed a little forced. I stepped back, the tension between them almost stifling. "Thank you for letting me come aboard to see Elizabeth."_

_Jack waved the thanks off, then leaned forward with a grin, his golden teeth sparkling in the dying sunlight. "Ye're doing well, then, aye? Not yet all tentacle-y." He pulled back, tugging at the braids of his beard with a calculating look. His eyes flashed to me for a brief moment, and then away. I sucked in a sharp breath, realizing just what he was trying to suggest to Will. Will glanced over to me, having heard me, and I immediately looked down at my feet as I tried to stay calm._

_"No." Will said slowly, seeming confused now. "Calypso, I've seen her. On my first day, so that she could tell me what my duties were. I asked about that, she said it would not happen, I would not become a part of the sea until I abandoned my duties and went against her like Jones had." He shook his head. "I don't need to worry about that." Then he smiled, glancing over at me again. I smiled back at him, watching Jack out of the corner of my eye. He narrowed his eyes, then folded his arms across his chest, waiting._

_Will looked back to him, then glanced around the ship. "I cannot stay very much longer. The cried of those who have been lost are getting louder, filling my head..." He grimaced, and I turned, pulling him to me and hugging him tightly. I hated his pain. I hated it a lot. He hugged me back, kissed my hair again, then untangled himself from me. "Jack." he said, and nodded to him, before taking my hand and leading me over towards his ship. He turned and, taking my hands, stared into my eyes. "Do you remember what I said when we last parted?"_

_I nodded. "Yes, I do."_

_"It still applies, if you wish it to."_

_I smiled a little. "I know, but I have not yet used such a liberty." My eyes fell, and then his fingers were under my chin, lifting my head so that he could look into my eyes._

_"Smile. It makes life all the more brighter."_

_I laughed, and then he hugged me once more before he leaned forward, gently touching his lips to mine. A few seconds passed, and then we pulled back, and I glanced over to see Jack watching, waiting, a spark of something I'd not seen before in his eyes. Then he saw that I was looking at him and he grinned at me. I shook my head and looked away._

_"Goodbye, Will. Come and visit when you can. I miss you."_

_"And I you." he murmured, then turned and walked into the railing, disappearing._

_There was a few seconds of silence, and then I saw him on the _Dutchman._ He waved, and I waved back, and then turned away, my hand going to my pistol._

_I had some unfinished business to attend to, and I wanted to get my mind of Will anyways. He was gone, our meeting had been so short...and once again I was alone, stuck with a man who's joy in life was to try and drive me insane._

_Jack watched me as I came towards him, and then he cocked his head to the side. His body language annoyed me. He didn't move, he didn't look afraid, he didn't even pay any attention to the fact that I was about to put a slow, torturous end to his life. Rolling his head, he unfolded his arms so that he could study his nails, and then glanced up at me when I stopped in front of him, pulling out my pistol and pressing it to his chest. He smirked._

_"Put the pistol down, Miss Swann, before ye hurt yerself." I blinked, then pressed it even harder into his chest, my thumb going to cock it. He looked down, mildly, then looked back up to me. "Ye would shoot me again, then, send me back t' hell? Ye should have just left me there, instead of bothering t' come and get me from the Locker. If ye truly had wanted me dead, ye'd 'ave ne'er came for me." He brushed the gun aside, then turned and walked away a few steps._

_Insulted, I followed him._

_"I only came to get you because we needed your bloody piece of eight!"_

_He spun around on me._

_"_And _because ye felt guilty, deep down inside your murderous black 'eart, am I right?" He placed his hand over his heart, baring his teeth to me in something of a small sneer. "Because ye couldn't bear knowing that _ye_ were the one what sent Captain Jack Sparrow t' his untimely death."_

_I gaped at him, then laughed bitterly. "You are _so_ full of yourself! You think you are so special, when you _aren't._ You are just like _everyone_ else on this planet, you are just like every other bloody pirate on this God-forsaken earth, and I am King over you, just like I am King over all the pirates in the Cove, over all the pirates in Singapore, and everywhere else! Do not make the mistake of thinking you are higher above them, because you are not. You are tiny, one person amongst thousands of others."_

_He snorted. "To think I made _you_ King. If I'd have known that such power would go t' yer head like this, I've 'ave voted for that French Lord instead."_

_He didn't seem phased. My anger grew, and I pointed the pistol at him, my hand shaking._

_"_Why_ the hell did you vote me King? To get what you wanted, right, just because I had the same plan as you...and then you _betrayed_ us, betrayed Will, betrayed _me_ by having dealings with Beckett! And you are saying that I am worse than you?!"_

_"Ah, your dearest William." His smile was somewhat sarcastic, and he turned, beginning to circle me slowly. I shifted uneasily, wishing now that Will hadn't left. "The one you want to wait for, be true to until ten years 'ave passed, so that you can have him for a single day. Then he will leave you again, be gone, and it will happen all over again." I grit my teeth together. What the hell was he babbling about? "You'd see each other only, oh," there was a moment of silence, of calculation, and then he finished with a chuckle of "five, six times for the rest of your life...while he will live forever."_

_I shuddered, then spun around, stopping him in his circling. "That's _beside_ the point! You went into _my_ room, and looked into _my_ journal, into my _private_ thoughts without even bothering to stop and think about how I would feel!"_

_He smiled. "Not so private anymore." he corrected softly, humor dancing in his eyes. "And in any case, your door had been cracked open, the journal had been laid out, open, on the bed...did you think that I would sit there without wanting to look at it? Be _rational_, Miss Swann."_

_My anger boiled. "Call me Miss Swann, one more time, and I'll send you back to the Locker without a second thought." I hissed._

_"You would shoot me, shoot the man you have these deep and confusing feelings for? Ye would shoot the man you are very passionately and undeniably head-over-heels for?" He chuckled, then spread his arms. "Fine, if you wish, _Miss Swann."

_My hand trembled, I processed his words in my head, and then I tightened my finger on the trigger... I inhaled deeply, tried to press down, but then with a cry of confusion and rage I threw the pistol at his feet, turning and running below deck. I was unable to do it. I was unable to kill him, because he was right. Infuriating man! He knew my weaknesses, he knew how to get under my skin... He was firmly buried into my heart, growing there, taking me over...and I couldn't stop it._

_I didn't want Will, even though I love him, I don't want him. I want Jack. I love him, even though I shouldn't, even though I will probably only get hurt in the end, I really do love him._

_And now he knows, and that makes everything worse._

_Love,_

_Elizabeth_


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Thanks so much for all the beautiful reviews!! And I'm sorry that this is short, it was a good place to stop... I'll make it up to you all next chapter, I promise.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Mouse.

**Chapter 20:**

_June 16, 1689_

_Dear Journal,_

_Well, Ragetti and I have resumed our lessons together. I found a few easy books to read in my quarters, and so now he is slowly reading through a couple paragraphs and sounding out the vowels. Apparently he practiced while he was with Barbossa, which made me very happy to hear. He really wants to learn, is really committed, and I'm very proud of him._

_He was also very informed as to where Hector is going. He's headed towards Shipwreck, though I have no idea why. Ragetti said something about wanting to meet someone there, which interests me. Who would he want to meet, and why?_

_Unfortunately, Ragetti does not withhold such information. So I suppose we'll have to live with guessing and pondering until we find him._

_It's been very windy out today, so we're making good time. We should catch up with Barbossa soon, as long as he stays on course as well as us. Perhaps we'll even stop him before he gets to whoever he wants to talk to. It's unlikely though, the _Black Pearl_ is much more faster, the fastest ship in the Caribbean. The ship we have, the _Florenza_, is a good ship, but simple. She's nothing compared to Jack's ship._

_Not Barbossa's. _Jack's._ No matter who has her in their possession, the _Pearl_ will always be Jack's in my mind._

_I've said that before, but I'm saying it again because I mean it. He's really not been the same. He's more comfortable, more at ease on his ship. And lately, I've noticed, he's seemed really tired, as if he doesn't sleep well on a ship other than his._

_I can understand that._

_It will be much better once we find the _Pearl_ and he gets it back. Perhaps things will be easier between us._

_That is, if I really feel like talking to him after what's happened the past few days... I've not talked to, or gone out of my way to see him since our fight yesterday. Or, rather, since I ran from him. I'm not proud of that, but it seems running is the only thing I can do now..._

_Not much else to say._

_I'll keep you updated._

_Elizabeth_

* * *

_June 18, 1689_

_Journal,_

_The _Black Pearl_ has been spotted on the horizon!_

_I think it's the best news any of us have had since she was taken, and the most exciting thing too (if, of course, you don't count Jack's and my numerous spats)._

_Jack is so excited, it's actually rather interesting to watch him now. He noticed her, and now he runs around deck, shouting orders, a fire burning so bright in his black orbs... I make it a point not to look into them, I already got lost once, and to his _complete _satisfaction, though he didn't smirk at me for long... His mind is other places at the moment, and thank goodness too. I'd rather not be more humiliated by him than I already am._

_The crew is also happy, mostly because this whole thing has put their captain in a good mood, but it's more than that. This ship, she's good and works fine, but she doesn't sail as smoothly and doesn't work as well under Jack's hands as the _Pearl_ does. The sails flutter, the ship creaks and groans... They'd, including myself, feel much better back on the sturdy, homey deck where they _belong_. Their home, not Barbossa's and his crew, but ours and Jack's. None of us have slept very well since we lost her, since I failed to warn others of the mutiny that was going to happen..._

_There is just one thing we are undecided on, at the moment._

_How to take the _Pearl_ back._

_Jack and myself are hesitant to shoot at her. She is _his_ ship, after all. And yet, Hector _will _shoot at us and have no problem with it whatsoever._

_Perhaps we can Parley, figure out what he wants... The _Pearl_ is a beautiful ship, sure, but there are other ships that are nice like her, just a little slower, or maybe have been christened with a different name. He wants something, and he's going to use the _Pearl _to get it..._

_Oh my God._

_The chest! Will!_

_Why didn't I think of that before?! Of _course_ that's what he wants, and he knows that I had it... It was simply a way to get the three of us off the bloody ship!_

_We _have_ to get there before he finds it..._

_But, what if he already has?_

_Oh God..._

_Gibbs just knocked on the door. I've to go. Battle starts soon, I need to be prepared...and then minute I get on the _Pearl_ I'm going to find the chest, the heart... I can't let it fall into Hector's hands, I can't._

_Love,_

_Elizabeth_


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: Thanks so much for all the reviews!! I really appreciate it! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: The Mouse is all mine! Buahaha! Of course, seeing as this is part of something labled '_Disclaimer'_, you can only assume I'm lying.

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**JEPK 21:**

_June ?, 1689_

_Dear Journal,_

_Well, things haven't gone according to plan._

_And, seeing as that might not make any sense to you whatsoever, I will write a recap of what has happened over the past twenty-four, maybe, hours._

_I went out on deck after Gibbs to see that we were really catching up to the _Pearl._ At first I thought that was an odd thing, but then I realized something. They were _slowing down_. Barbossa was planning to fight us! Immediately I checked to see if my pistol and sword were at my hip and ready if I needed them, and then I went over to Jack, who was looking out at them with a slight grimace on his face, hands holding the railing so tight his knuckles were turning white._

_"What are we going to do?" I asked him, staring out at his ship before I casually leaned against the railing. I kept my eyes from his face, trying to sound nonchalant... After all, I was, and am, still upset with him._

_He didn't say anything for a while, seeming to calculate our chances before I saw him shake his head out of the corner of my vision. "I'll be myself and whip up some magic, naturally." he said, then grabbed by arm and turned me to face him. "As for you, though... You are going into my quarters and staying there."_

_"Are you-" I started, upset and indignant, but he clamped a hand over my mouth to silence me._

_"No interrupting the Captain, and no disobeying his orders, darling. Could cost you an arm...or leg." His eyes swept down my body disinterestedly, and then he found my eyes again. "And that would be a shame, waste of a good body. Now, come on, we don't have all day. Toot sweet, Lizziebeth, be a good little Pirate King."_

_My eyes widened, but then he was dragging me off, and I had no choice but to stumble after him. He seemed nervous, and it was then I realized something. Shaking off his hand from my mouth I ran to catch up with him so that I wouldn't be pulled anymore._

_"You don't have a plan." I said quietly as he stopped in front of the door and went to open it. He paused, and this his chocolate brown eyes moved to mine. His mouth opened, shut as he looked away, and then he sighed._

_"Of course I do. Now, go in." he said after a moment and opened the door, pushing me in. I wheeled around and stuffed my foot in the door quickly before I could close it, leaning closer so that I could look at him better through the crack there._

_"You _don't,_ and you know it. Why don't you let me help, Jack? I'm sure I could figure out some grand plan like you always can..."_

_"I'd rather think all by me onsies, by thanks for the offer. Now move your foot so I can shut this damn door."_

_"Jack."_

_He groaned, and then leaned against the door frame, staring back at me through the crack, refusing to open the door wider as I refused to let it shut._

_"What the hell is it, Elizabeth? We're ten, fifteen minutes away from a battle with the most vile bastard on this planet and I don't have time for talking...so if ye could make it quick? We could have a lovely chat afterward if ye want it, that is of course if we make it out of 'ere wiv' our bodies intact."_

_"Relax." I breathed to him, shoving my body against the door. It inched open a bit more...his grip on it had gone slack. "We'll get the _Pearl_ back. She's _your_ ship after all. In any case, you need me out there. I can fight as well, if even better, than any of your crew! Let me come with you!" I can't believe I was actually pleading with him - _him! -_ but it didn't matter right then. What mattered was that, in the next half hour, our fates would be decided._

_"No."_

_"Why ever not?!"_

_Jack rolled his eyes. "Because I'm the Captain and I say so, that's why. Do I really need a reason?"_

_"Yes!"_

_"Too bad."_

_Before I realized it he kicked my foot with his to move it, and then slammed the door in my face. I moved with a gasp to yank it open, but I was too late, and the click of the lock stayed my hand on the knob._

_"Jack!" I wailed and began pounding on the door, yelling at him to let me out... A few minutes passed and I grew silent, and then I heard him sigh._

_"I'm not sorry." he said to me, voice muffled through the door, and then I heard the sound of heavy footsteps as he walked away._

_With a cry of rage I turned around and went to dig through the drawers of his desk, hoping to find a key of some sorts that would let me out of there, but I found nothing except feathers, ink bottles, old wine bottles, odd assortments of shells and trinkets, a collection of small, shiny looking rocks, a dagger (which I took and slid into my boot), and an old, silver pistol. Other than that there were simply documents and papers. Stock lists, supply lists, ownership papers, interesting doodles, a layout of the ship, and other legal papers like marriage papers._

_Nothing useful at all, except for that weapon. I supposed that Jack had already gone through the drawers himself and taken out the only key._

_Damn._

_So, after about ten minutes of frantic searching I grabbed a half-filled wine bottle and slumped down into the chair, resigning myself to my fate. There was no way out of there, the door was locked, battle about to stop...and I was helpless to help on deck. I took one sip of the wine, but it was nasty, and so I corked it and put the bottle back before I folded my arms over my chest, waiting and brooding..._

_The first cannon ball struck the ship, sending her rocking. I gasped and grabbed onto the desk. It was hopeless, I knew it. There was no way we'd survive this._

_Another struck, and then there was the sudden sound of pistols going off and swords clashing together._

_Jumping up, I ran over to the door and yanked at the doorknob. How could he lock me in here?! Honestly, I'd feel more safe out in the open then inside where a cannon ball could tear me to pieces any moment!_

_A whistle split the air and I dropped to the ground, shielding my head as something smashed a hole in the door, taking the knob clear off. After the debree scattered I got up and pulled the door open, then ran out, immediately drawing my sword._

_The scene on deck was bloody, a mess of people and corpses and fighting. Ducking my head, I quickly scouted out my course... I had to get on the _Pearl_ and grab the chest! Ducking around people, my sword was of little use...except once, but I was able to quickly finish him off. It seemed we had an advantage, Jack's old crew had immediately switched sides when they realized who they were up against, and were now betraying Hector to fight him, which pleased me._

_Sliding the sword back into its sheath, I went and grabbed a rope, jumped up on the railing, and then was about to swing across when someone grabbed my wrist, yanking me down. I found myself in Jack's arms. He looked furious and worried all at once._

_"What the hell are you-" he began, but I put my hand over his mouth to hush him just as he had to me._

_"No interrupting the Pirate King from what she has her heart set on." I whispered, then pulled away from him. "The chest."_

_He stared at me, conflict in his eyes, and then he sighed and grabbed his sword, flexing his fingers around it. "Go, then." he said, and I nodded before going to grab the rope once more, but my wrist was caught again. I blinked and turned to look at Jack, but then his lips were suddenly on mine, rough and demanding and rendering me speechless. By the time I tried to collect my thoughts together he was already gone, letting me go and getting lost intermidst all the others._

_I could just hear what he'd say... '_I'm not sorry.'

_Turning, my head spinning with a million thoughts, I got up and swung across to the _Pearl_, where people were fighting there too. I landed hard on my feet, and then made a dash towards the stairs, my heart pounding frantically._

_A hand came down hard on my shoulder, turning me around just as a pistol came up to my temple._

_I froze._

_"Looking for the chest?" Hector sneered at me, his black teeth showing as his lips curled back. I shuddered. "You're too late, my leige. I already found it." He cocked the pistol, but then dropped it with a curse and lurched away from me, holding a bloodied red hand in his other as his face twisted up in pain. I whirled to see Jack staring at me from the other ship, eyes wide and pistol up in the air, still smoking. I mouthed my thanks to him and he nodded, then motioned for me to come back before his eyes widened and he went to cock his pistol again. I immediately reached for mine, but then pain seized my whole body, radiating out from my right shoulder. The weapon dropped from my hand and I turned to see Barbossa, holding a crew member's pistol, eyes glazed with pain and revenge._

_I heard Jack's horrified cry of my name, but then blackness overtook me, and I crumpled to the deck._

_I know not how long ago that was. All I know is that I'm doing in some cell, writing in my journal (which, thankfully, I had the brains to stick into my pocket before battle), my shoulder bandaged but throbbing...painful. Someone comes down and treats me every day, changes my bandage, gives me food and water (stale food and water), and then leaves. I've seen no sign of Hector, Jack, or anyone that I know. All I _do_ know is that the heart is in the hands of a man who'll use it for his own, selfish reasons, that we lost, and that I've been separated from the others._

_To make matters worse...the key is missing. I can only hope that Hector doesn't have it, or Will is doomed for sure. It was hanging around my neck...and now it is gone._

_I will keep you updated when I learn more,_

_Elizabeth_


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: Thank you all who reviewed! I really, really appreciate it! Also, since school has started now I don't know how often I will be able to update. Count on once every week, but I doubt it will be any sooner than that unless I had a good day and wrote two chapters at one time. Thanks!

Disclaimer: I'm disclaiming Pirates of the Caribbean.

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**Chapter 22:**

_June 21(?), 1689_

_Dear Journal,_

_I still have no idea how long it has been, but I've guessed maybe five days. I've been in and out of sleep, and for how long I have no clue. All I know is that my bandages don't get changed as often, I can barely lift my right arm anymore (thank God I learned how to with my left hand when I was little, no matter how messy that handwriting may be), and I'm still alone with no clue as to where my Captain or my crew mates could possibly be._

_Another thing I don't know is where I am, although I am pretty certain I'm not on the _Pearl or_ the _Florenza._ I'm on a different ship, a stranger. She creaks and groans like something mad, jumps and bucks, is choppy when she slices through the waves...things my ship and Jack's ship are not (Jack decided when we first stole the _Florenza_ that I would have her after we got his ship back. I know I have ships at hand in Shipwreck Cove, just waiting for me to take them, but I've grown quite attached to that ship for some odd reason. I won't bother with why at the moment, but I'm assuming it has something to do with the man whom has been steering her as of late)._

_So, if I am on a different ship, then _where_ am I and _why_ am I there? Did Barbossa have no use for me?! Does that mean Jack lost?_

_I wish someone would come down and talk to me... You would think my captor would taunt me or tell me what he wants from me, but no one has done anything of the sort, and that bothers me. Why would the keep me down here if I was not worth anything to them? Would they just let me rot? I _must_ have a purpose to them, otherwise I would be dead instead of bandaged and treated._

_Also, I now know for a _fact_ that I do not have the key on me, which frightens me greatly. I've searched myself again and again, scoured the floor, checked in the damp, musty smelling hay that proves to be an uncomfortable bed, but nothing comes up._

_If it was lost, or fell into the wrong hands..._

_I've doomed Will to death. If I don't recover the key, then he isn't safe, and it would be all my fault._

_I can't believe I was careless enough to let it slip-_

* * *

_Someone finally came down._

_Oh God, my position is far worse than I've been imagining__. I thought perhaps...well, I don't exactly know _what_ I thought, but to actually now know my bearings? I suddenly wish I still was in the dark._

_A dark, lanky man with scraggly hair and a dark mustache came down, talking to me hastily in French. From what I could gather, as I learned French so many years ago from my tutor, is that I'm on a completely different ship...the _Dutchess, _I believe he said, and that the captain will request for me shortly. I didn't, and still don't trust the man's blackened smile or squinty eyes..._

_I think a request from the captain actually means just more than a quaint little chat._

_Was this the man Barbossa wanted to meet? Did that mean he won? What happened to my ship, to Jack, to _everyone?_ How could he win? I thought we'd outnumbered him... Unless, of course, the _Dutchess_ came to give aid._

_Damn._

_Oh, I hope Jack..._

_**-name is quickly scribbled out-**_

_I hope the crew is alright! And the _Pearl_, too, though I'm sure Jack didn't fire at her._

_I'm now left to wonder about my fate. What will this captain be like? What does he want from me? What will he do to me after he gets whatever he wants?!_

_Well, I suppose writing in this journal doesn't exactly help very much... I should hide it, just in case they take it and look through it for information. I had to stuff it under my shirt when I heard footsteps earlier, I was afraid he'd take it. It's dark and cold and a bit hard to write with trembling, stiff fingers, but if I didn't have it then what would I do to pass the time? This book, bless Jack (I can't believe I said that) is keeping me sane and helping me to think. You know... I think every Pirate King later on should have a journal, it really helps to keep me organized and in control of myself and my thoughts._

_I'll write again as soon as my "meeting" with this captain is done. I hope it goes well, I hope I don't do anything stupid..._

_For once, I really wish Jack was here. He'd know what to do. Even though I'm angry with him, he always seems to be able to get out of tight places._

_Love,_

_Elizabeth_


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: Sorry for the delay for both my stories! I've both been busy with school, stressed, and just not in the mood to write. Thank you for the reviews though! I loved them all, and appreciate each one I get.

Also, the character in this chapter is Spanish. I, for one, do not know Spanish and don't really know what they look like or talk like, so I'm just guessing. Please be patient with me. lol Also, they are on a French ship, to be sure...but let's just say that the Captain stole the ship and threatened the French crew...so it's a French ship with a Spanish captain and half and half crew. lol Just to clear that up. I just realized that.

Disclaimer: Just what this is. A disclaimer.

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**Chapter 23:**

_June 23, 1689_

_Dear journal,_

_Yes, that there is the correct date. I've been a week since I was taken. Apparently I had been unconscious longer than I originally thought. That means that the _Pearl_ and the _Florenza_ could be _anywhere_ by now. That thought doesn't give me much comfort..._

_I went to the meeting with the captain and came out pretty much intact and safe. I'll recap what happened...I now have a lot more to think about that before._

_I was led up the stairs, the crew member's grip tight on my arm (I'll probably get a few bruises soon enough. It was like he was afraid I'd run? _Me? Run?_ With _this_ arm? I don't think so. Where would I go? Of course I wouldn't be able to swim...), and then escorted to the Captain's Quarters, where I was pushed in and then _locked _in, the crew member standing outside the door and keeping watch._

_Looking around, I stepped forward, looking around the room interestedly. There was no one there, so I assumed I'd have to wait a little while. With that in mind, I searched about the desk for a clue as to what was going on and why I was needed. Probably some type of leverage, being the Pirate King and all._

_Unfortunately I didn't find very much. There were a few pieces of paper out on the desk, a letter to someone else by the looks of it, but I couldn't read it, as it was written in Spanish. Which meant that the captain was probably of that heritage. I spent a few moments pouring over the words, but I could only make out a few...none of them really helped me much._

_It was too bad I'd not wanted to learn a language when I was little, and even resisted when it came to French. Now such things would have come in handy._

_Of course, I never really thought I'd be in the position I was: A pirate with my own ship, Pirate Lord of Singapore, Pirate King over all my subjects, and _in_ love with one of the most famous pirates there was._

_How my life has changed. Only but a year ago was I a Governor's daughter, bound to be married to a blacksmith, but now? Now things are different. I can hardly remember the life I lived of tea parties and balls and ceremonies and all that._

_After a few minutes the door that led into the sleeping chambers opened, and a man stepped out, shutting it behind him. He turned and smiled, then sketched a deep bow before he walked over to me, splaying his hands across his desk._

_The man was Spanish by birth, that much I could tell. He had dark black, shoulder length hair that was pulled back and tied with strip of cloth. Atop his head sat a hat, somewhat like _Will's _old hat, but brown instead of red with a white feather sticking from it. His skin was quite tanned, whether naturally or because he spent a lot of time in the sun I couldn't gauge. His eyes were jet black, darker than even Jack's, and his face was sharp, angled._

_Yet he was not hard on the eyes, like _some_ pirates I've seen before. He was clean, dressed nicely, and was actually quite charming. Not that it took away from the fact that he'd _kidnapped_ me and held he, wounded, below deck like some _animal_, but still. He was different, and that interested me (not in the way _Jack_ had interested me, of course, but I was suddenly very curious as to what this man wanted...though I was beginning to get some ideas)._

_"Ah, King Elizabeth Swann." he said, his tone rich and pleasant to the ears, which made me feel a bit uncomfortable though I refused to show it. "Welcome to my humble abode. I hope you find it to your likings. My name is Antagio Resputi."_

_I tilted my head to the side, thinking of his name...but it rang no bells. "Let's skip straight to the point, Captain Resputi, shall we?" I asked, narrowing my eyes. "I do not know how long I have been below-"_

_"A week." He smiled at me, and his smile unnerved me. There was no guilt in it, nothing but a hint of a promise that something bad was going to happen. "It is June the 23rd today. I am deeply sorry for my lack of hospitality, my King, but I've been busy, and you were quite...well, useless the first few days. Unconscious, you see."_

_"Does that even matter?! You kept me down there, locked me away like I was some...some...some _animal!_ I was bloody cold, and wet! Sure you gave me meals, but I was left in the dark. No one told me where I was, what had happened, _nothing._ And now you have the _nerve_ to say that I was _useless_ to you?" I slapped my hands down loudly on the desk, glaring at him. "Get to the point." I spat between gritted teeth. "What do you want me for?"_

_His smile was gone, eyes narrowed. He looked somewhat annoyed, but actually...the more I looked at him, the more I realized that he was rather amused too. _That_ made me mad, but I didn't do anything like I wanted to._

_"I need you, my little swan, as leverage." he said, walking around the desk and fiddling with something in his hands. "See, you possess some..._knowledge_ that I would much love to know, and I'm sure that if I don't have something that will_ force _you to tell me, you'd stay in the dark." He turned on me, a sneering smile etched across his lips. "And that wouldn't be very nice, would it?" Antagio walked towards me, then looked me up and down before he reached out and touched my cheek. "I _could_ beat you until you scream for mercy, but I'd end up marring your beautiful body, and wouldn't that be a pity."_

_I stayed very still, trembling with rage as he moved his hand from my cheek to cup my chin. My fingers itched to grab my pistol and shoot this bastard straight to hell, but then I painfully remembered that they'd taken away my things._

_"Why would something like that be a pity?" I asked. "Why would you even want to beat me? _Me_, a lady? Woman? Pirate King." I began to back up towards the desk, and he followed me, his other arm snaking around my waist. I was then pressed against the desk, the smell of his breath filling my nostrils. It wasn't unpleasant, it smelled like some type of rum, but still..._

_"There has to be _some way_ to get the information I want out of you." he growled, his face inching towards mine. "But before that..."_

_He kissed me._

_You know, ever since I became a pirate I've been getting kissed...a _lot. _Will kissed me, Norrington kissed me, Sao Feng kissed me, and Jack has kissed me quite a few times! Then there was that time where I had to pretend I was a wench to get _my_ ship, and now him! You'd think a girl would like such attentions, but I don't. It's really beginning to bother me._

_Which was why, as he kissed me, I reached behind myself and grabbed the pistol that was laying on his desk. In the next moment I jammed it hard against his temple, then cocked it. He paused in his kissing, then pulled back and looked at me, shocked and amused all at once._

_"Get the hell away from me, or I'll pull this trigger." I said through gritted teeth. He pulled his hands away from me and stepped back, holding his hands in the air. I followed him my the pistol, not about to put it down. Wiping my mouth on my sleeve, I glared at him. "What the _hell_ do you want from me? For me to warm your bed? I think I'll have to _decline_ that offer, sorry."_

_He laughed at me. He actually _laughed_ at me then, shaking his head. "Ah, my little bird. What do ye think ye'll do once ye shoot me, hm? With me crew just outside the door, with orders to kill anyone who walks out of this cabin without me?"_

_I ground my teeth for a moment, then stepped forward, gun held level to his chest. "I'll figure that out once I shoot you. Do not make the mistake of thinking that I am helpless, because I am not." I tossed my hair back behind my head so that it wasn't laying on my shoulders, already trying to figure out how I'd get out of there._

_"I think-" he began, boldly stepping towards me, but I tightened my finger on the trigger, cutting him off._

_"It's _my_ turn to talk, so shut your mouth and listen to me." He blinked, but said nothing, seeming curious. I _hate_ this man! The tables were turned in my favor, and yet he was acting as if he still had everything under control! "Why am I here? Why the hell did Barbossa let you have me? What do you need me for, hm?" I stepped towards him, eyes narrowed. "Where the hell is my crew and ship?"_

_"You'd learn all of that if you'd actually let me talk." Antagio said, rolling his eyes. With that he whistled, loud and sharp, and after a few seconds the door opened. I looked over, though my gun was still trained on him, and nearly dropped it when I saw what they were carrying._

_At that moment, everything pieced together in my mind._

_"If you think I'll tell you anything, your wrong. No matter if you have the Chest, I'm not going to speak. Besides, you don't have the key!" At least I hoped he didn't. Glancing over, I saw both the crew members set down the chest, then move to wrap their fingers around their pistols._

_The tables had turned again, and now I wasn't in control, no matter if I had a weapon or not._

_"Oh, but there is where you are wrong, Miss Swann." He held up his hand, and on his palm was the key. My heart staggered, and then quickened, and I bit my lip, feeling a little dizzy. He went over and unlocked the chest, which was sitting on his desk, then opened it and peered inside. I could hear the thumping, beating of the man I cared about, and turned my head away, taking in a deep breath. "So you see, you're not really in control anymore, are you? And I think it would be in your best interest if you'd tell me everything I wanted to know, or I'll kill your beloved."_

_"Yes, and if you kill him then you'll have to take his place, sail the seas forever, carry the dead across to the world beyond this one. Is that what you really want?"_

_"I'd take the job." one of the crew members spoke up. "'T be immortal. Ye canna' beat that, aye Captain?" Antagio glanced over at him, then grinned._

_"So what will it be, Elizabeth? The information, or your beloved's life?"_

_I tightened my hand around the pistol, but knew I couldn't shoot it... With a sigh I lowered it a little, shutting my eyes for a moment before I opened them again. "What is it you want to know?" I asked, my voice strained._

_"I knew you'd see it my way." he said, circling his desk to sit down, propping his feet on the table. "I require some information about one Captain Jack Sparrow. I believe you two know each other quite well, or so Barbossa has told me." He smirked, and it took a lot not to blow the bastard to hell right then and there. One wrong move would cost Will his life, and even if I didn't love him like I used to...I could not condemn him to such an awful fate. "I'd like to know what his weaknesses are, and where he could possibly be right now. You sailed on the same ship, you two must have talked planning."_

_"What makes you think I would know what his weaknesses are?" I asked, knowing exactly what they were. Losing the _Pearl_, and me. I'd sent him to the Locker, I'd murdered him, left him to die... He had every right to hate me, and yet I wished he didn't. Even if he said it was in the past, somehow I simply couldn't believe that. "I am sorry to inform you this, but he and I haven't exactly been on speaking terms. We fight, instead. So I've not actually talked to him much. You have nothing against me, now, absolutely nothing! So your _leverage?_ It won't work."_

_Antagio got up after a moment, then narrowed his eyes, walking towards me. I backed up a step or two, trying to figure out what he was going to do. In the next moment he backhanded me, and I fell to the floor in a jumble of limbs, holding my stinging palm while gasping for air, the whole world spinning._

_"Somehow I don't believe you, my King." he said, my name spat sarcastically. "I will give you one day to change your mind. It's either the secrets of your captain, or the life of your beloved. Which one is it to me?" Leaning down, he grabbed my hair and yanked my hair back, eyes flashing dangerously. "I will get what I want, Elizabeth, no matter what. Keep that in mind."_

_With that he tossed me aside, then went and shut the Chest, locking it before he slipped the key in his pocket. I paid special note to this, then watched as he looked to the crew member whom had, so far, been silent._

_"Mr. Spriggs! Take our beloved and beautiful _King_ back to the brig where she belongs. You will watch her, take first shift. Make sure she does nothing funny." He leered over at me, then turned away. Spriggs came over and took my arm, helping me up before he led me out the door. His grip on my arm was gentle, loose almost, and I knew that I could run if I wanted to...but I would only be caught and probably punished more severely then being slapped._

_Once we were down in the brig he let me go, then reached for the keys, flipping them before he found the right one and unlocked the door. I stepped in, my chin held high...but the door didn't shut. Instead, Spriggs caught my arm, turning me. I blinked, then, for the first time, actually looked at him..._

_...and nearly fell to my knees in shock._

_"Jack?"_

_He smiled then, that brilliant, gold-glinting smile that made me grab the bars of the cell to keep from swooning._

_"Hello love. How's yer cheek?"_

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_**To be continued... :P**_


	24. Chapter 24

A/N: I am so sorry for the long wait. I've been extremely busy. I really hope school settles down soon, it's driving me mad. Anyways, I dunno how long it's been since I last updated, but I'm very sorry I haven't sooner than now. Thank you SO MUCH for your patience, and reviews are very much welcomed and appreciated.

Disclaimer: I don't own, sorry.

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**JEPK 24:**

_June 23, 1689_

_(continued from the previous entry)_

_Dear Journal,_

_So somehow Jack had found me, which is where I'll pick up in the telling of the events that had happened only earlier this day._

_"I don't understand!" I'd gasped, my hand automatically tightening around the bars that I was holding. He'd stared at me for a moment, then chuckled and stepped into the brig, quietly shutting the door behind him so that he could lean against it. "How are you here? How did you find me? What's happened? Where's everyone else? I-" Looking quite amused, he put a finger to my lips as he stepped forward from where he'd been resting, silencing me._

_"So many questions, love. I'll answer them in due time. First, though, let me take a looksie at that cheek of yers." His finger traced my lips and his eyes darkened a little with anger. "Bastard. Should have never let him-"_

_"It's okay, Jack. If you'd have done something, you'd not have been able to rescue me." He shook his head, seeming to be frustrated, then let his fingers wander from my mouth to my stinging cheek. Flattening his hand, he gently caressed the sore flesh with his thumb, his perfect midnight eyes never leaving mine._

_"Doesn't look like anything serious." he murmured, glancing to where his hand was before he pulled away, locking his fingers behind his back. "It will just hurt for a while."_

_"I have been through much more pain lately than being slapped. I can handle it." I watched as he moved his gaze from my face to my shoulder, where I'd been shot. A grimace flickered across his expression, and then a frown._

_"I should have come to you earlier. You'd have been cared for as ye should have-"_

_"No." Stepping forward, I raised my good hand and placed it hesitantly on his arm, even though my fingers itched to caress his face... "I'm Pirate King, Jack. I'm tough. You know that." A shaky laugh escaped me, and then I sighed. "You are here _now,_ that's good enough for me." I looked down for a moment, and then back to him. "I missed you, though." Turning on my heel, I paced across the cramped space as far as I could go, then spun back, feeling suddenly very hot and very crowded. "It's been hell, being alone in the dark for a whole week. I didn't have anyone to talk to..."_

_"Ye brought yer journal, though, so it couldn't have been _that_ bad." I blinked and looked over to see Jack holding my journal in his hands, studying it. My hand flew to the pocket of my coat, but then I realized that I'd hid it under some hay before I'd gone to see Captain Resputi, just in case he would have searched me and found it._

_Heart beating nervously, I wet my lips, then held out my hand wordlessly. He looked down at the book before he reached out, placing it on my awaiting palm. My fingers gripped it tightly, and then I slipped it into my pocket, thankful that he'd given it to me without insisting on looking through it first. Maybe he wasn't hopeless after all, having learned his lesson after the last time he'd taken it. Or...maybe he was just toying with me. I couldn't tell._

_"No, perhaps not, but a journal is no substitute for human company."_

_A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, and then in the next moment he crossed the space between us in two steps, wrapping his arms tightly around my body. I admit I was a bit surprised, but the relief of not having to hold myself back was enormous, and so I let him hug me. My good arm wrapped tightly around his neck and I snuggled up against his body, finding that I had to suddenly hold back tears. I'd been alone for a whole week, hurt and cold...to have someone holding me, to have _Jack finally_ holding me..._

_He buried his face against my hair and I heard him inhale and then sigh before he pulled me closer, his hand pressing against the small of my back. "I missed you too, Elizabeth, don't think that I didn't. And don't think too hard on it either." I felt him smile against my neck and gave a breathless little laugh, then pulled away, holding him out at arms length as I studied his face._

_"What happened?" I asked softly, biting my lower lip. His eyes wandered down to my mouth, and then back up before he sighed again. He must really have been stressed, but I couldn't blame him... The moment I had seen him I'd forgotten all about my anger towards him. How could I stay angry when I'd been without him so long?_

_"A minute, darlin', if ye please." he whispered, cupping my face very gently in his hands. I wet my lips, unable to look away from him as a powerful, wordless connection ran through us. In the next moment he leaned in, brushing his lips against my cheek as his palm slid down to my neck. My eyelids slipped shut, and then my fingers curled tightly into his shirt as his mouth found my own._

_Under the slightest of pressure I parted my lips for him, and then he was flicking his tongue out, tasting me almost hesitantly and yet everything about him screamed that he had taken command, that he knew what he was doing, that he was guiding the kiss and in control of himself just as _I_ was about to melt into a puddle on the floor. _

_Oh, how I love and hate that man._

_My arm slid slowly around his neck and I pulled him closer, finding safety and comfort in his arms. He smiled, and I heard the few trinkets that were hidden in his ponytail (he'd taken most of the baubles out, then tied his head back with an old strip of dirtied lace. I would have realized exactly who he was if I'd have taken a good look at him, but I hadn't...just a glimpse and I'd not realized. It was a good disguise for those who didn't live with him) before he applied pressure to the kiss, taking a bit more now that I hadn't hit him, or yelled at him, or something. Curling my fingers into the unbraided hair at the back of his neck, I returned the gesture for a moment or so, then pulled away before it got _too_ serious. My knees were already weak, my heart pounding hard in my chest, and I craved more of his kisses, more of his touch...but now was not the time. It was the worst, in fact. Anyone could come down and find us, realize who he _really _was._

_I stared at him and he at me in silence, but after a moment I had to withdraw from him, going to sit down on the little stool in the corner. "Right then, Mr. Spriggs, to telling then." I smiled. "That requested minute has been up for about three now."_

_He chuckled at that, then looked over his shoulder before he sighed. "Too dangerous. I shouldn't even be talking to you, or be in here. I have a plan, Lizzie, but ye'll have to wait until nightfall. I'm to keep watch, so I'll be right here, but I won't be able to talk very much. Anyone could come down any second. It's a bit unlikely once the afternoon comes around, by ye never know. Just keeping to precautions." He sighed. "I thought I lost ye once. I thought ye might be dead. Never again, not if I can do anything about it."_

_I nodded quietly, stretched my legs, and then rest my forehead against my palm. There was silence, and then I heard the door to the cell open before it was shut. There was a jingle of keys, but when I lifted my head I saw that he'd only been hanging them up, not locking me in. He turned and we met eyes for a long moment, but he said nothing, only grabbed a bottle of rum from a small table, moved the lantern closer to my cell, and then sat down in a chair and leaned back while shutting his eyes._

_I took the moment to study him. His hat was missing and his hair was pulled back into a messy, rugged looking ponytail. Bandanna was sideways on his head, khol was gone, beard unbraided, combed, and then trimmed. He looked older now, and I bit my lip, startled by that fact. Without the hat, the makeup, the clever tricks to make him look like a pirate...he was like any other normal looking sailor. Well, as normal as _he_ could ever get. I could see the age engraved in his face, see what time had done to him...and it scared me. I honestly wanted to get up and go hug him again, to hold him. He needed someone to be with him, and I knew that if I could, if I had such a choice, I _would_ stay with him. If I wasn't bound to help Will, if I'd let myself have the freedom to listen to what he'd said, then I'd be with Jack._

_If he would ever want to have me._

_"Get some sleep, Miss Swann." Startled I looked to Jack, but his eyes were still closed, rum bottle clutched protectively in one hand. "I'll wake ye if I have to."_

_Sighing, I moved down to lay in the hay after writing a bit in my journal, and then shut my eyes. I think I must have fallen asleep really fast, because I don't remember much about the time before Jack had to wake me up._

_Which I will write about soon. We, Jack and I, are a bit on the run at the moment. When I have time to write, I'll snag it, but that's not very often._

_Love,_

_Elizabeth

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_

A/N: If anyone makes any comment about how they think Jack is "out of character" in this chapter, I swear I'll shoot them. No joke. I think his behavoir was just right for this chapter. If you have nothing good to say about him, then _don't say anything._ I'm tired (the week has been hectic) and I just...don't need any of that right now. Thank you.


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: Wow, everyone, thank you _so much_ for all the amazing feedback! I don't think I've gotten so much in a while!! I really appreciate all the reviews, and I hope you enjoy this next chapter!!! It's a bit short this time around, but still.

**An Honest Critic: **Thank you for your opinion. I'm a bit surprised, though, that you think Elizabeth is out of character. Mainly because, throughout the whole story, people have thought that she was _in_ character. I also must point out that she's writing in a journal, a place where she could write whatever she wanted. It doesn't mean that she will act any differently, it just means she's putting down what she's feeling into a place where no one else would ever see (except maybe Jack). Anyways, I won't change her. I _do_ think she's is just fine, even if you think otherwise. And I _will_ keep writing. So I'm not perfect, that's fine, but that doesn't mean that, if I can't get her just the way you want her to be, I should stop writing. I would think that I should keep practicing, not just give up.

Disclaimer: I don't own.

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**Chapter 25:**

_June 25, 1689_

_Dear Journal,_

_Sorry I've not written for a while. I'll pick up where I left off, and then I'll fill you in on where I am now._

_Jack woke me up sometime in the middle of the night, then motioned for me to be quiet before he motioned for me to follow him, which I did. He took my hand and led me out of my cell, then pushed a bottle of rum into my hands and motioned for me to drink some. I was still a bit groggy but obeyed, bringing the bottle up to my lips and taking a sip. It was strong, and I realized why he'd given it to me as my head cleared and I found I could think a bit better. It helped to wake me up._

_He took it back, took a healthy swig, then set it down before he walked over to the stairs, looking up. From where I stood I could tell that it was raining, as moonlight flooded in from the stairs, glinting off the small, raindrops that wet his face. He listened for a moment, then waved for me to come towards him without even looking at him. I stepped towards him cautiously, then looked up as well, spotting the moon through the foggy hazy that had settled over the deck. "Quiet now, love, silent and careful." Jack whispered, his lips brushing against my ear. I glanced over and met his eyes as he pulled back, watching him nod at me. Then he proceeded up the stairs, peeking over to look around before he slipped up and disappeared from view._

_I followed quickly, being careful where I placed each step. One wrong move and I'd be on the water-soaked planks, my ankle twisted or some other injury that would further delay us. My shoulder already gave me trouble._

_Reaching deck, I slipped under the stairs that led up to the helm, my arm brushing against his as I came to stand next to him. He was warm and so I stayed close, feeling my hair whip around my face as icy rain pelted my face through the openings above us._

_"What do you think?" I whispered, looking out. A few crew members wandered around deck, but they looked miserably cold and annoyed. I heard him sigh, and then he passed me, going out into the open before he went over, grabbing the attention of one of the crew members. I pressed myself further to the wall to hide myself, and after a few minutes he came back, shaking his head._

_"Told 'im that ye were asleep. Says the storm won't get worse, it just is miserable weather. None of em' look too happy, but none will pay attention to the both of us if you fit in." With that he shed his coat, flinging it around my shoulders. I opened my mouth to protest, but he was making quick work, buttoning it up before he pulled my hair up, twisting it skillfully around his fingers and then stuffing it under his hat, which he settled snugly on my head. He tipped it down so that it hid my eyes as I worked to get my arms through the sleeves of his coat, then smirked and tapped under my chin so that I'd look to him. "Perfect."_

_"What about you?" I asked, looking him up and down. "Jack, you'll catch your death of cold without a jacket, in just a shirt and breeches. You're already getting wet."_

_He smiled. "Don't worry, Lizziebeth. Stay 'ere, an' keep to the shadows." Before I could say anything he was gone, slipping back the way we'd came. I shuffled further under the stairs, waiting, wanting so badly to help him...but with an arm that was stiff and sore there wasn't much I could do, plus the fact that we'd be caught if I drew attention to myself._

_I waited there for a few moments, keeping a look out, then turned when Jack reappeared beside me, dressed in a spare coat and hat he'd found below in the brig, or so he'd told me. Then he motioned for me to follow and keep my head down before he walked out, going to talk to one of the crew members. I walked behind him, coming close enough that I caught his last words._

_"...down below and get warm. Captain's orders, mate." The man studied Jack for a moment, then laughed, clapped him off the back, and scurried off below, rubbing his hands together as he went. I followed him with my eyes, and then when I looked back he had dispatched one more crew member. The captain was asleep, apparently, and his watch wasn't for another few hours, so we had some time to think up of a plan. Fortunately, I had a feeling Jack already had one._

_Arriving next to his side, I turned to glance up at the helm, but it was raining so hard now that I could only make the outline of the wheel and the first mate. "What now then?" I asked softly, taking in my surroundings. There were only four more crew members out on deck, but they weren't paying attention to us. They were hunched over, most of them, rubbing their hands together and shivering. I knew they were miserable too, and probably wanted desperately to go below...._

_"We slip over to a long boat and lower it, then get in and row away before anyone notices." Jack whispered back to me, and I blinked._

_"_That _is your grand plan of escape?" I asked, incredulous, and he nodded._

_"If ye got a better idea, please share. Don' worry about Will's thump-thump either. Resputi, the bastard, won't stab it because he knows it is leverage against you for the information he wants. About _me._ And I have a feeling about what it is _exactly _that he wants to know... We'll have to come get the chest later. Luckily for you, I have this...." and taking my hand, he pressed something cold and hard against my palm. I looked down, and a flare of warmth ran through me at seeing the key resting snug and safe in my hand. Carefully I slipped it into an inside pocket, then leaned over._

_"Remind me to thank you later for that, Jack." He looked over and met my eyes, then grinned._

_"Aye." With that he walked across the deck towards a long boat, looking out at the water before he quietly and effortlessly lowered it into the choppy waters. While he did that I got to my knees, then turned around and slipped down the stairs that had been carved into the side of the ship. It was very hard with one hand, and the rungs were slippery, but I did it, collapsing in the row boat exhausted, but completely thankful I hadn't fallen to my death in the icy cold waters. I'd have probably drown, or been saved by Jack only to be captured again..._

_Said pirate soon followed suit, landing in the boat and quickly cutting the ropes with a sharp knife that he'd slid out of his boot. I watched at one rope snapped, and then he began to work on the other._

_Suddenly, though, the boat lurched. There was yelling and a bell was being rung... I went pale._

_They had caught us, and right as everything had been going so well, too._

_Jack worked harder on the second rope, and the boat lurched again... I realized that they were trying to pull it up and knock us into the water. With no where to go we'd either drown or cling to the ship, where they'd catch us for sure. "Hold on love!"_

_The other rope suddenly snapped and we fell back into the water, water sloshing up over the sides and soaking us both. We began to float away from the ship as they continued to go on, the wind tugging at the sails and making them move faster. My fingers curled around the edge of the seat I was sitting on, fingers stiff and numb from the cold as the waves jostled us. Jack sat down, then found a paddle, helping to row us father away from the ship. They wouldn't have been able to catch us then, not in that weather, but I knew both of us understood that, even though we'd escaped, we still had a long night before us, a long night of being cold and miserable, rowing, and hoping that we'd not be wrecked against something and drowned._

_Sometime during that night I must have fallen asleep, because I don't remember very much from that night to early that next morning, though I do remember when the icy rain had stopped and when an extra warmth had covered my body..._

_I owe a lot to Jack. Without him, I would probably have frozen to death and many other things I won't enumerate right now._

_I'm beginning to lose track on how many times he has saved me now. Too many to count. Too many than is good for me, actually. I'm the Pirate King! I shouldn't be so prone to getting in trouble._

_I hate being wounded. Once I heal I'll prove to him that I can protect myself.... I'm sure he finds this all very funny, having to rescue his _distressing damsel_ all the time..._

_Ugh._

_Elizabeth Swann_


	26. Chapter 26

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! I've been busy, so very busy, so thanks to all who've stuck with me. I appreciate it very much. I hope you enjoy this chapter! A filler of sorts, I suppose. There will be a lot more action, angst, _anger_, and lust in the next one!

Disclaimer: Not mine.

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**Chapter 26:**

_June 26, 1689_

_Dear Journal,_

_I woke up this morning thinking that I'd be huddled, shivering, at the bottom of the long boat, but it was the warmth that told me otherwise. My eyes cracked open and from what I could see, and _feel_, I was laying on a bed, wrapped up in a cocoon of blankets. They were red and comfortable, so I snuggled deeper into them, then turned over and wiped the sleep from my eyes, too curious to let myself fall asleep again as I wanted to._

_Sitting up I looked around, then realized that I was in a bedroom of sorts. How? The last thing I'd remembered was that I was falling asleep in the boat Jack and I had escaped in! I hadn't thought we were close to land..._

_I got to my feet and padded over to the window, then pulled back the curtains and looked out to see a street. A bustling street with many people on it. Confused, I turned around and went towards the doors, then paused at the piece of paper I found on the floor. Bending down, I picked it up, then went back and sat down on the bed to read it._

Dear Lizzie,

You're in the room I've rented out for the night in Port Reinelle (I'll answer all your questions later). Get as much rest as ye can, savvy? We'll be on the run a bit, because no doubt Resputi will be comin' after us. Or me, at least, but you... Eh, love, ye're a bit too interesting for yer own good.

I'll be back soon, so _stay-where-you-are._ I mean it. I'll bring food when I come back.

So, if ye're thinking about wandering around, then get those thoughts out of your head straight away. I won't have you get into any trouble, _especially_ not when I'm not around to rescue you.

And don't get all uptight about what I just said, love. Honestly. Yer arm is a bit useless, isn't it? When you're better then you can do whatever you like, unless I don't approve of it. After all, _I'm_ in charge.

With that said, _stay put._

Captain Sparrow.

P.S. There is some fresh clothes for you on the chair by the desk. I thought that ye might like t' change into something more fresh and _clean._ You know, with your obsession about good _hygine._

_I scowled, then sighed before slipping the note into my pocket and turning to search out the clothes. He was right. A good, hot bath and clean clothes would really feel good, and was well needed. I didn't exactly smell like a rose or anything, having been cooped up down in a musty, dirty brig for a rather long while..._

_As if someone had read my thoughts there was a knock at the door. I went over and opened it, surprised when two maids came in with a wash basin and an old metal tub. They set them down, then went out, only to come back in a second later with a towel and a bar of soap._

_"What is this?" I asked, surprised._

_"Your bath, miss. We'll be right back with the water, yeah?" They curtsied and went out, and I was left staring after them in confusion._

_Once I figured that it had to be Jack's doing, and once the bath was full of steaming water and the two women let me be, I locked the door and then stripped of my dirty clothes and bandages. The banages were soaked with dried blood, so I threw them away, and then after a moment of consideration threw the clothes away too. Not that I needed them..._

_I walked over to the tub and tested the water, then after a moment got in and sank down, relaxing. The water was the perfect temperature, and felt so good, that after a while I think I drifted off._

_When I awoke the water was cooling, so I reached over and nabbed the bar of soap, then continued to wash the dirt and grime from my skin. There was dirt under my nails, dirt crusted on my arms and face, dirt in my hair... I tried not to think about it, it was a bit disgusting._

_I washed my hair as well, trying to improve it a little though the water was all dirty by then, before getting up and wrapping the towel around myself. My right arm tingled, but I couldn't really feel it...it was going numb. My shoulder was a bit discolored from where I was shot, and I remembered then that Jack had said he'd clean the wound when he could. I hoped he did it soon, though I was pretty sure it was too late, that it was already infected._

_Going over to the chair I took the clothes Jack had left out for me and carried them over to the bed. There was: a pair of breeches, a white blouse, a gold vest, and a leather jacket. I smiled slightly, then blinked when I came upon a dress. There was a note folded just into the collar and I pulled it out, unfolding it so that I could read it._

Just in case you wanted to revisit old memories.

_I snorted and lay the dress aside. My days of being a proper Governor's daughter were long gone. I was a pirate, and he knew that. I think he gave me the option of that dress just to annoy me._

_So instead I pulled on all the other clothes, glad to find that it was not stifling hot like I'd first thought, but that it would simply keep me at a comfortable temperature. My shoulder ached in protest at being rubbed against fabric as I tugged on the jacket, but I simply ignored it and the way tingles ran down my arm to my fingertips and then back up again._

_I stuffed both notes I'd gotten from Jack into my coat pockets, then picked up the dress and looked over it with a sigh. No doubt he'd stolen what I was wearing, but the dress really _was_ beautiful. I'd have put it on right away if I'd been back in Port Royal, and if my father were still alive, and if I really loved dresses and corsets and all that fancy stuff, but I was a different person. And I didn't want that. So I laid it gingerly back on the bed, then paced the room. I was itching to get out and find Jack, but he'd specifically told me to stay put...._

_Which is actually where I am now. Stuck in an inn, waiting for him to come back. It's been two, maybe three hours... What if _he_ is the one in trouble this time, not me? What if he needs my help?_

_  
And why the hell should I listen to him? He's not my boss, and besides. I'm a pirate. Well. I'm not _just_ a pirate, am I? I'm the Pirate King! I can do whatever I please, can I not? I certainly can! And if he thinks that I'll just sit in here like a good little girl and do as I'm told, then he's wrong. Because he very well may need my help, for the first time in a long time, or is that ever? Anyways, I wouldn't pass up the opportunity to prove him wrong, to prove that I'm not so helpless as he thinks I am._

_With that said, I've made up my mind. I'm going to go find him. And if he yells at me for not listening, well, at least I know that he's safe and I'm with him. Honestly, what was he thinking, telling me to stay in a room and just...wait? I've never been one to love waiting, unfortunate for him._

_Wish me luck. Or rather, wish that he's not fuming when I find him and does something stupid. Like... I don't know _what, _but I'm sure he'd do _something._ Not that he scares me. He doesn't. _Honestly. _He doesn't._

_Except when he gets really mad._

_Which he might end up becoming..._

_Hm._

_Elizabeth Swann_


	27. Chapter 27

A/N: Thank you for the reviews everyone! Here is that longer chapter I promised you all.

Disclaimer: Does it honestly need saying?

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**Chapter 27:**

_June 26, 1689_

_Dear Journal,_

_The moment I stepped foot out of the warm comforts of the inn I realized I'd have a harder time finding Jack than I'd originally thought. Still, the fresh air was quite nice, and I stood there for a moment to enjoy the breeze that whispered past my face, playing with my hair._

_The sun was hidden behind the clouds now, leaving shadows to darken alleys and the doorsteps of the shops that lined each side of the street. The longer the sun was hidden, the cooler the wind got (though it was not unbearable), and I was happy for the jacket Jack had supplied me with._

_The reason for my realization was the fact that the street was long. If I looked to the right I could see the docks a bit of a distance away. That was my first guess to where he would be, but it was so obvious.... If I looked to my left, I saw street. A long, dirty stretch of road that went a ways, and then finally turned and was lost to view, hidden by buildings and some houses. What was more, the threat of rain was obviously apparent, most people were either ducking inside of heading home. The road was becoming deserted._

_Pursing my lips, I glanced around, and then on a gut instinct headed right towards the docks. I stayed close to the buildings as I walked, trying not to be easily seen and therefore attract unwanted attention. Someone could be out looking for the two of us, and I really didn't want to get into any trouble. After all, I had no weapon._

_When I reached the docks I looked around, seeing no one. It had begun to drizzle, at that point, but as I was under the shelter of the buildings I didn't get wet nor chilled._

_It struck me as odd that the docks were deserted, except for a few merchant ships, and turning to look behind me was shocked to find that there was no one in sight. I was the only one out._

_Turning, I headed back to the nearest shop, already beginning to regret going out. Jack had been right, I wasn't exactly safe..._especially_ without a weapon!_

_I reached for the handle to the shop and pressed against it, but the door was locked. I looked up and saw the shop keeper flip the sign from open to closed, then notice me but only shrug and mouth 'sorry' before he hurried away from the door._

_Beginning to feel a bit nervous I tried three more shops with the same results. I actually got into one, but the lady who was in there said she was sorry, that it wasn't safe, and booted me out before locking up._

_Jitterish now, I bolted across the street and through the rain towards the inn, wondering if Jack was already there waiting for me. Yet, he wasn't. It was pouring and I was soaked, and he wasn't back._

_It was then I knew I had a decision to make. Stay and wait and hope that he was okay, or brave the rain and cold to go find him, give him a good slap for making me worry, and then pull him back to the inn even if he protest the whole way there._

_It was a silly decision to make, because I already knew the answer before I even thought it through._

_Soon enough I was back outside. The winds weren't gentle anymore, they were tugging and whistling and whipping through the streets, cold as ice. It was a storm that I'd not anticipated, nor Jack, I imagined. Gritting my teeth, I looked around, and then ran to the left, calling his name even though the wind swallowed up my calls before the last word even left my lips._

_Where _was_ he?! Why the hell would he want to worry me like this?_

_Tears pricked my eyes and after a half an hour or searching I gave up, dropping onto a bench under the protection of a building, freezing cold and miserable. I didn't know where he was, I simply couldn't find it. Was it perhaps that he was looking for _me?_ Maybe he'd gone into the inn while I was away, and had gone out to look for me! If so, I knew I should go back to the inn....but I was a long ways off from there, and I was cold...and tired. So tired._

_Leaning my head back against the wall I shut my eyes, tugging my coat tightly around myself with both hands, even though such strain made my right shoulder hurt like hell and more. Still, I didn't care, I could handle it._

_I don't know how long I sat there, or if I'd drifted off to sleep at all, but suddenly I found myself being jerked up off the bench by my hair. I cried out in pain and quickly opened my eyes, looking up to find myself face to face with a gruff looking sailor. His hair was rugged and dirty, dark brown hair flecked with gray and white. His was unshaven, grimy, and smelled like alcohol and rancid meat. What scared me the most though was his eyes. Blazing blue eyes, cold amusement and satisfaction able to be found there. I was puzzled. How could his eyes burn bright like the sun, and yet be as cold as ice?_

_His face, however, was very serious. He looked me over, seemed to have a spark of recognition and greed flit through his expression, and then nodded._

_"If you want to live to see tomorrow, you'll come right with me. Captain will be happy, an' I'll get me fair share of money for findin' ye. Now, be a good girl and obey, or there will be some _serious_ consequences." He'd leaned his, his breath hot across my face, and I held my breath, feeling sick._

_Pirates. _That_ was why everyone in town had escaped indoors! They were afraid of pirates...and not just any pirates, but those whom were after Jack and I. We'd been found, and quite easily too. At least me._

_I inwardly cursed my bad luck._

_I was stuck. I had no weapon, no one to help me, no way to shout for help...who would come running anyways? The town? They were all cowards, useless to even defend their own selves let alone someone else._

_So really, at that moment, all I was able to do was follow him, and hope that nothing bad would come of being captured again._

_Then again, who was I trying to fool?_

_"Oi, mate. Touching her gets _you _some serious, an' rather fatal, consequences." growled a voice that broke through my frantic musings. I looked over to see Jack standing just behind us, eyes black with contempt, a pistol held tightly in his hand that was trained at the pirate's head. The look on his face was so cold, so angry....I was afraid to even wonder whom that look was meant for._

_The haggard pirate looked over his shoulder, saw the end of the barrel of Jack's pistol, then grimaced and quickly let me go. He made to run, but slipped and fell in the mud. The sound of a pistol shot cracked through the air, and I turned my head away, not wanting to see the bleeding wound of the bullet that had drilled its way into the man's skull. I already felt dizzy and sickened, I didn't need more of that._

_There was silence for a long while, and feeling unsettled I looked over to find Jack simply staring at me, turning the pistol over and over in his hands, drenched from the endless rain that poured in sheets from the sky. His Khol was running and his hair was matted to his face, but it made him look more scary than ever._

_Finally he seemed to decide on something and slid his pistol back into its holster, then came over to me, stopping a few inches from where I stood with my back to the building's wall._

_"What about 'stay inside' don't you understand, Elizabeth?" he asked in a quiet, dark tone that sent shivers down my spine. I was silent, unable to trust my voice at the moment. "What about 'wait for me' didn't you get?" I wet my lips, taking another step back to get some distance between us. Unfortunately my back hit the wall, and even_ more_ unfortunately he followed me, shielding me from both the rain and any hope of escape. "Are you so daft as to not listen to my commands? I wasn't saying them just to spite you." When I still didn't answer he seemed to have had enough and grabbed my face in one hand, forcing me to look into his eyes. The rage there was so strong that I gasped, shaken. I'd not realized he'd get so mad at me!_

_It was then I suddenly remembered that I was the Pirate King, and he had no right to treat me like this. I yanked my face away from his grasp, causing him to step back, expression blazing._

_"You had _no_ right to tell me to stay somewhere, Jack. I listened, at first. I _waited._ But you never showed! You were gone, and the hours passed, and I _worried._ I thought you'd been caught, or might need my assistance, and so I came to find you."_

_"I don't need anyone's help."_

_That hurt. I turned my head away from him._

_"What if one day you find yourself in a position where you're unarmed and unable to defend yourself? Where you luck has finally run out? What then, Jack? You will regret those words."_

_He laughed, but it wasn't pleasant. "My luck with never run out, and I will never find myself in that position. Well, wait a moment. Yes I have, once." I looked at him, and he was looking at me, eyes the same as they were before. "When you murdered me, when you sent me to the grave. When you damned me to months of delirium and heat." I grit my teeth, fighting away tears of pain. I had thought he'd forgiven me on that! But I suppose that anger can bring back remorse._

_"You deserved that, and you know it." The words escaped my mouth before I could stop them. His eyes widened, and then he sneered at me._

_"Did I, darlin'? Did I deserve death and pain....nightmares?" He walked towards me, his steps measured, lips curling into a feral grin. I'd gone too far, I realized, but that didn't stop me from going even farther._

_"Yes. You deserved all of that. It was to save the crew, because all of it had been your fault. You deserved to die." Lies, all of them. Horrible lies._

_His face went cold, completely cold, but the grin was still on his face._

_"Who are you to determine who should live and who should die, Elizabeth? You're no King, not if you think you can determine who's lives are worthy and who's are worthless." I bit my lip, and his eyes followed the movement, and then the next thing I knew he'd caught me by the shoulders, pushing me back against the wall. "You think you can determine life and death. All I was determining was how to keep you safe." His husky, low words made my heart sink, here I'd though he was trying to be all arrogant and run off without me just for the heck of it! Or that he thought I wouldn't be able to handle myself. And, he'd been right._

_Then suddenly his lips were on mine, silencing my thoughts._

_He was demanding, his lips rough and chapped, weathered from the sea. They tasted like salt and sunshine, the epitome of freedom. I moved my hands up to his shoulders, but he caught me by the wrists and pinned the futher against the wall, obviously not wanting me to have any upper hand over this kiss. I didn't mind, didn't stop to wonder what would happen after he pulled away - and I probably should have - only let him kiss me, let the magic of his skilled mouth leave me to melt back into the wall, breathless and giddy._

_Jack pulled away a few seconds later, studied my flushed face, and then pulled away. Desire was bright in his eyes, but so was anger...I wasn't about to get off so easily._

_"As I said love, I don't need anyone's help. And it seems, neither do you. Peas in a pod, ey?" With that he pulled a pack of things off his back, opened the bag, and then pulled out a sword. He tossed it to my feet, as well as a hat and pistol, and then shut it, holding it in his hand. I looked at him, then bent down and took the things, threading the cutlass and pistol into my belt before I settled the hat on my head, glad to have the rain out of my eyes._

_"It's time we parted. If you think my commands so _horrible_ and _restraining, _might as well go off on your lonesome. You don't need my help, it seems, and I certainly don't need yours." He nodded his head. "I can get my ship back on my own." I blinked, the realization suddenly hitting me. He was leaving me! No! No, that had _never_ been in my intentions! I opened my mouth to speak, but he was already walking away, not once looking back._

_"Jack!" I called desperately, but he ignored me, only shifting the burden in his hand before he walked further down the road, the fog that had rolled in beginning to swallow him up._

_Unable to lose him, _unwilling _to lose him, I followed. It was the only thing I could do. I couldn't lose him, not now, not ever..._

_Elizabeth Swann_


	28. Chapter 28

A/N: Thanks for the reviews, everyone! Sorry about this chapter! It's long, and I think Jack might be a bit off. I can't tell. If he is, I apologize. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Um, no.

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**Chapter 28:**

_Dear Journal,_

_First of all, I have decided that dates are rather unimportant. After all, with everything going on it's just a bit hard to keep track of all the days and everything. Besides, it was really there to make the top of each page look fancy. So, I won't be putting any more dates up. I have more important things to write anyways._

_Back to where I left off when I was last able to write in the inn, Jack had given me a hat, pistol, and sword....and then parted from me, claiming that we didn't need each other anymore. That I didn't believe, and still don't believe. He shouldn't be alone. No one should ever be alone. And with that, I made my decision._

_No. I couldn't let him go._

_Not only was he one of the most important people in my life, I loved that stupid, stubborn ass, and I knew that I could be of some help to him. After all, he was after the _Pearl._ He needed someone with him to help him out. There would be things that he couldn't do alone along the way, that he'd need extra hands for. And what then, when he found that there was no one to help him? What would he do then?_

_So maybe he could get his ship back all by himself, sure. After all, he was a pretty remarkable man, but I didn't care. He needed someone with him, or maybe it was just that I needed someone with _me._ It didn't matter which, I'd made up my mind. I was the Pirate King, he couldn't control me or tell me what to do, and so I was going to go after him. Knock some sense into that thick skull of his._

_"Jack! This is madness! Stop it and come back here! Right now is no time to mess around!" I yelled, running after him with my my hand pressed against my hat to keep it from flying off. "I really must protest to this!" I made my way through the fog and gloom, lowering my hand to grip the hilt of my sword. There were more pirates out there who might want to kill us, and I knew that it would be rather unwise to let my guard down. _Especially_ since it was dark and rainy, and someone could sneak up on me from behind. "Honestly, you cannot go after the _Pearl_ by yourself!" _

_I _knew_ he could do amazing things, sure, but stop Barbossa, Resputi, and their crews with just himself and his pistol? Yes, even though I knew it somehow would be possible to him, I was a bit skeptical. I had every _right _to be skeptical! I wasn't the silly Governor's daughter anymore, I was a pirate, and I'd seen a lot. He hadn't been able to stop Barbossa before, except catching him off guard because of a trick he'd had up his sleeve, so what made him think he'd be able to do so _now?

_I saw Jack pause in walking, but he didn't turn to look at me, only stood there and stared out to sea. His head tilted as if he were listening for something, which I guessed to be the approach of others, and then he spun on me before I could reach him, a scowl on his face. His eyes were dark and glistened like a trapped animal's, harsh and bitter. Not angry, though, which surprised me. Not anymore. And the harshness, I knew it wasn't aimed at me. "Hush, love. Ye have t' be more quiet." He grabbed me and covered my mouth with one hand when I opened it to answer him. "Don't be stupid, Elizabeth. There are men out looking for us, and your yelling will tip them off as to where we are." He gave me one, slow, calculating look and then pulled his hand away, taking my wrist instead to pull me along. I followed silent, glaring at the back of his head, but I didn't say anything. Whatever he said, I wasn't stupid, I was just upset._

_With him._

_And all because he was being stubborn! After all, was I so terrible to want to go after him? He'd gone off and left me with a note, just a _note! _That was all! I had been worried, and after many hours of waiting, I had finally taken matters into my own hands! How was that bad? How could he be mad at me for that? Except, maybe, for the fact that I was wondering around in the rain while everyone else was inside, drawing attention to myself and getting into trouble.... _

_Ugh._

_He led me down the street, keeping careful watch of what was before us, and then turned, dragging me into an alley way. It was slightly sheltered, so it helped to keep us out of the cold rain. That didn't matter, however, the damage had already been done. We were both soaked from head to toe, our clothes clinging wetly to our skin. It felt uncomfortable. I didn't like it. In fact, all I wanted to do now was go back to the inn and take another bath. _

_When I voiced my opinion Jack sent me a look that made me shut my mouth. He wasn't in the mood to listen to me, it seemed, which annoyed me a little. "Look here, love. Resputi's men are after us. The first place they will look is the inn. No, we can't go back. We have to run. Thanks to you, we have to go even _sooner _than I had planned. That man never came back. They'll find his body. They'll know what happened...and they'll look even closer than ever. Savvy? Now, not a word." He covered my lips with his finger. "Once we are safe I'll deal with you properly. And no, I won't be doing anything you want me to do. If you're going to be with me, Elizabeth, you need to follow _my_ rules. _My _instructions. Not yours. I don't care if you are Pirate King. I wouldn't care if you were a goddess either. No matter what, you will listen to me. Savvy?" _

_I sent him the dirtiest glare I could muster, a bit unnerved, but muttered, "Savvy." _

_Oh yes, I'd get him back for this later. I would _so _get him back for this. How dare he act as if nothing I said mattered to him? I had plenty of good ideas, and yet he didn't see that! Either he didn't see or he just ignored it when he did. Why did he think that only _he_ had good ideas? Why did he think that I was just in the way, like a thorn in his side? Did he really detest me as much as he let on? _

_Yet, how could he? His words echoed in my head._

'And when you're better, love, I'll take your breath away....and more.'

_He wants me, I just know it. But more than that, I think he likes my company....that is when he's pretending that he doesn't. Why, though? Why pretend? It's not for my benefit, is it? He's not trying to tell me that he doesn't care for me, is he? Because I know he does. I know he cares. Even if he'd never outright and say it, his actions tell me that he does. When I was shot, I saw the horror on his face. When he found out how Resputi had treated me, he'd gotten upset and promised to bandage me up right. He bought, or stole, new clothes for me. He got me weapons. And above all of that, he'd let me stayed a part of the crew, even when he didn't have to. Hell, he even, _even_ gave me this journal to write in! _

_So... why would he do all of that if he didn't care? I couldn't think of a reason, to be honest. Except for the fact that he must like to mess with my mind...._

_Perhaps I would never know. Jack Sparrow was a mystery, and no matter how good I'd gotten at being able to read him he still was able to hide himself from me, or throw me off with something new and totally unexpected._

_It was frustrating._

_He encircled my wrist with his fingers, breaking my bitter thoughts as he dragged me down the alley. I stumbled and hurried to catch up, mud beginning to splatter all over my boots. I could feel my eyes dimming, and I shivered, hoping that we'd get out of the rain and cold as soon as possible._

_Jack stopped after a few seconds and glanced behind up and before us, then turned and pressed the handle of a door that led into one of the now closed shops. It was locked, but he didn't continue to walk, only fumbled in his coat, then pulled out something and worked with a steady hand (was he not cold?) on the lock until the door swung open. I hoped to see what he had used, but he put it back quickly, shot a quick glance my way, and then pulled me into the warmth of the shop._

_Once I was in he turned and shut it, then locked it before he glanced around. The store was dark, mainly because we were in the back storage area, not in the front where all the windows were. Apparently the owners didn't live in the shop, as I didn't see any stairs that led somewhere...that was good. How would we explain ourselves if someone caught us?_

_"Here. Sit down, and be quiet." he told him in a rough voice, pushing me back and down onto a crate. I fell onto it, then glared up at him before I pulled off my hat, setting it beside me on a cluttered desk. I noticed an oil lamp sitting there and I turned it on, grateful for the light that helped to illuminate the room. It had been too dark before._

_Carefully I shook out my hair, then rubbed my hands together, for once unable to feel the pain in my shoulder. My whole body was numb and quivering with cold, maybe that was why. "Stay here, Elizabeth." Jack told me after having draped his coat around my shoulders. He was pitying me. How nice. For a second I thought of throwing it back at him, but it was warm, so I decided against it. "I'm going to go see if I can't find us blankets and something to eat."_

_No mind if it was stealing, we were pirates. It was what we did._

_He came back a few minutes later with two woolen blankets in his hands, but no food. I looked at him curiously, and he sighed._

_It was a clothing shop, he explained. We could change our clothes for new ones here, but there was nothing to eat. That was okay, I wasn't so hungry as much as I was freezing. I shrugged off his coat without a word and gave it to him, then shook off mine before I took one of the blankets and tugged it around my shoulders._

_I watched as he sloppily folded up the coats and placed them near the door, then took off his boots. Only in a shirt and breeches, he plodded over, then crouched down before he and pulled off my boots....my mouth went dry. He glanced up at me, but I immediately looked away, still hurt by his harsh words from earlier. He made no movement to apologize and I made no move to say anything; he wasn't the kind of man whom would apologize anyways. I wasn't about to hold my breath, not for him._

_Finally he spoke after putting my boots and his near the door as well, not wanting to make a huge mess for others to find. "I need to look at your shoulder, Elizabeth."_

Lizzie!_ Why wouldn't he call me Lizzie?_

_In a fit of rebellion I said nothing, instead only got up, went over to our coats, and pulled out my journal, going to place it next to my hat so that it wouldn't get wet. It had gotten a little damp, but not enough so that it would ruin the pages or anything. Still, I didn't want it ruined. It meant a lot to me. It was the only thing I can confide in. _

_His hand on my arm made me turn to find him looking at me, his breathing hot against my face and his eyes searching. He repeated the statement, but didn't do anything, obviously waiting for my agreement._

_I sighed._

_"No." I said simply, going back to my crate and plopping down on it again._

_"Why not?" he persisted, coming to tower over me. I glared up at him, and then pulled the blanket tighter around myself, snuggling my face into its warmth. Next thing I knew his hand cupped my chin and propped it, forcing my eyes to meet his. He was crouching in front of me again, looking serious now. I blinked at him, looked away, but he brought my face back, waiting for something. When I realized he wanted me to speak, as he wasn't going to repeat himself for a third time, I gave up holding out on him. It didn't seem to matter if I did or didn't anyways._

_"I was so afraid, Jack. I thought you were in danger or something. Trapped in that room, I was thinking the worst. I waited for you. I knew you might come back soon and so I forced myself not to go. You...you never came back, though. Is it so terrible that I went out to look for you? I thought..." I exhaled raggedly. "Well, never mind what I thought. It doesn't matter."_

_There was silence for a moment, and then he shook his head at me. "If it matters to you it matters to me."_

_"That's not true!" I shot back, beginning to get angry. "You got mad at me when I tried to explain! You _left_ me! Actually _left_ me. I didn't...I didn't think you could ever..." I shuddered and fell silent, ducking my head to try and loosen his grip. It didn't work. I wished he would just let me go, I wanted to think in peace._

_Jack opened his mouth, and then shut it for a moment before he sighed. "I got mad because..." He hesitated, then tried a different approach. "I told you to stay where you were because I knew there were people who were searching for us. More than that, though, I knew that there was a good chance you might get hurt if I had taken you along with me. An' I don't want that. I put a lot of time into saving you from Resputi, anyways, I din' want that to go to waste." He brushed his thumb across my jaw, and my breath hitched slightly. "I want you safe Elizabeth. I won't have you getting hurt again, or dying, while you're with me. I jus' won't."_

_All my previous anger at him melted away with those words and I was left staring at him, my hands fisted into the blanket around me to keep from doing something my body desperately wanted to do. I shook my head._

_"Lizzie, Jack. Not Elizabeth. Don't call me Elizabeth." I told him softly, then sighed. "I won't apologize for coming to find you, Jack. I stand my what I said. However, I understand your anger, and....it's okay." I probably would have gotten mad too, if I had specifically told someone something but they hadn't listened to me. I couldn't help but add, "Just, please, don't do it again. Leave me, I mean. You can yell at me all you want, but don't walk away from me."_

_A slight smirk played about his lips. "I wasn't really going to leave you, El-...Lizzie." He chuckled softly and reached up to take his hat of, shaking it over the floor to get the water off it. "That would have ruined the purpose of getting mad at you. I was just doing it for effect an' all that. To get my point across that I meant business." He glanced up at me. "An' I do, but I won't ever leave you somewhere so dangerous. I told you, I want you safe. If we ever decided to part ways, I'd make sure you were somewhere warm an'....not dangerous. Savvy?"_

_I understood completely, but I hoped he'd never have to follow through on that. I didn't want to leave him. In fact, parting from him was the furthest thing on my mind, and not just at the moment, but all the time. How could I ever leave the man I love?_

_He let me go and I looked around, then sighed before nodding to him. He looked confused. "My shoulder. You may look at it." I told him, and he grinned as he remembered what the whole talk had originally been about. Jack got to his feet and went to rummage around, then came back with some scissors, two clean strips of cloth, some alcohol, and some water. He placed them on the crate next to me, then gently pulled the blanket from my shoulders, laying it to the side before he stared at my shirt. I realized that he'd have to take it off and I blushed profoundly._

_"I'm going to have to take it off." he said after a moment, meeting my eyes. "Or you can, and then wrap the blanket around you." He sighed. "I won't look." I knew he wanted to though and the blanket wouldn't hide much... My insides suddenly felt as if they had turned into mush at the thought of him actually looking at me when I was like that. He'd lean forward and kiss me, maybe, push me down to sprawl across the crates, trace his fingers down my sides..._

_"Oh God." I choked, dropping my head to rest against my free hand._

_"There's no other way, love."_

_I sighed. "No, I know. It's not that." I lifted my head. "It's...well, nothing. It's nothing."_

_He looked as if he didn't believe me. From the heat that flooded my cheeks, I knew I didn't believe myself. With a shiver I pulled my arms through the sleeves, and then glanced at him. He met my eyes, and then got up and nodded to me before he walked into the other room. I heard a rustle of fabric and so I slid the shirt off myself, then tossed it to the floor before I grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around myself, tucking it under my arms. My shoulders were bare, and I was trembling with slight cold, but it was better than having nothing on at all._

_When he came back in he was holding two fresh pairs of clothing in his arms. He set them down on a chair, then came over to me. I could feel the heat of his eyes as he looked my up and down slowly, and I had to shut my own, suppressing a shiver._

_Sitting down beside me, he reached over and took my arm, unwrapping the sloppy, makeshift bandage to look at the wound. I heard his sharp intake of breath and looked over at him before looking away again, unnerved by the fire mingling with worry in his gaze._

_He stayed silent, his fingers coming up to brush against the skin around the wound gently. His light touch made my stomach flip, and I trembled, wondering if he was deliberately trying to tease me or not. A soft chuckle reached my ears, confirming my suspicions._

_Yes, he was._

_"Stay very still." he told me after a moment, reaching for what I assumed to be the bottle of alcohol. I didn't want to look. "This will sting, but I want you to try and stay still so that I don't waste any." I nodded, and then hissed when he poured it. The alcohol didn't sting, it _burned._ My jerk reaction was to pull myself away from him, but his hand on my arm stopped me, keeping me close instead._

_When he was done he reached for a strip of cloth and gently dabbed at the wound, then wiped away the liquid that had run down my arm. Next he wet it with some of the water, then washed my skin carefully, taking his time. My fingers twitched and I drew in a slow breath, trying as hard as I could to stay calm and not do anything rash._

_Finally he bandaged me up, wrapping the linen cloth around the wound and under my arm a few times. His hands were strong but he was careful, and it sort of reminded me of the time I'd had my hand slit, and Will had bandaged me up. This was the same thing, only their touch was so much different. Jack was very slow, making absolutely sure that he wouldn't hurt me or irritate my shoulder._

_Tying the strip off, he cut the rest with the scissors, and then took everything to go put it away. I sat there, trembling, my mind making a decision quite without my approval._

_I wanted Jack. His touch made me burn. His gaze made me melt. His voice made me forget everything else. I_ loved_ him._

_Screw Will. Screw Jack's little idea of doing what was right the first time we'd almost been together. I wanted him, and I wanted him to make love to me, and if he refused I'd damn well take matters into my own hands. I just couldn't wait anymore. His hands, the whole time he'd taken care of me, it had done funny things to my insides._

_Getting shakily to my feet, I tugged the blanket closer around myself, then walked over to the doorway that led into the front of the shop. I leaned against my good shoulder and waited, because when he got back I wasn't going to keep myself from jumping on him. Normally I wouldn't even have been thinking about this, but something had changed. We were alone, we were safe, and we had the time..._

_and I just wanted him._


	29. Chapter 29

A/N: Thank you all for the wonderful reviews! Here is the chapter you've been waiting for! Enjoy!

_**Warning: This chapter is rated M.**__ If you don't like that, you can skip to the next chapter and not read this one. This isn't that important to the plot.  
_

Disclaimer: No, sorry.

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**Chapter 29:**

_Dear Journal,_

_I'll pick up directly where I left off. Sorry I had to cut off there, but my hand was getting a cramp and anyways, I was exhausted. I think I actually fell asleep for a little while as Jack kept watch. He wants to leave as soon as it is safe. We're in danger for as long as we stay here. Any minute someone could barge in, or the people who own the shop could come in, find us fugitives, and give us over to the law. Not such a good thing right now, for us._

_So...where was I? Ah, right. Waiting for Jack._

_I admit I was a bit nervous. After all, I'd never been with anyone like that, but I wanted him so badly...it overwhelmed me._

_Hearing soft footsteps - bare feet padding along the wooden floor - I looked up to see Jack coming towards me. His eyes flicked over me as he noticed that I was still wrapped in the blanket, when I should probably have gotten dressed. "Elizabeth?" he questioned, the heat of his gaze making my heart leap into my throat. There had been that moment of doubt before, but now that he was looking at me....there was no turning back. Not ever. This was it. "Ye're not going t' get dressed?"_

_"No." I whispered, stepping towards him. He blinked, and the silence that followed aloud me to hear how his breathing had become uneven. He was affected by how I looked...it was only then that I realized how great his self control had to be, and that he would never physically hurt me. He wasn't able to. "No. There would be no point." I smiled slightly, coming to stand right in front of him._

_"Eli-" Quickly I put my finger to his lips to shush him, and then leaned up and kissed him._

_His hands came up and took hold of my shoulders, gripping them tightly. For a moment I thought that he might push me away, but he merely pulled me close to him, attacking my mouth with a desire that couldn't be quenched._

_Reaching my arms up, I wrapped them around his neck, pressing my mouth harder to his as he began to lead me backwards. Before I knew it he spun me around and pressed me up against the wall, trapping me. I shivered and fisted my hands into his dreadlocks, and then leaned back, pulling his head closer to mine. He ran his tongue along my lower lip, and then parted my mouth, deepening the kiss._

_He explored my mouth hungrily, his tongue dipping under mine, running along my teeth, gliding along the roof of my mouth... I inhaled sharply, and by the time he pulled away I was weak in the knees and light-headed; he had made sure that no place would go untouched. Looking up at him, our eyes met, and at the unspoken question in his eyes I nodded. Yes. I wanted this, I wanted _him._ Never had I been more sure of anything in my entire life._

_Ducking his head, he kissed my lips again, then pulled back and looked me over. The blankets had slipped slightly, and when his body left mine they fell, but I quickly caught them, feeling heat flood my face. He frowned, then gently took my hands, pulling them slowly outward until the blankets fluttered to the floor and I was bare before him. I inhaled deeply and shut my eyes, then looked at him when he cupped my chin and tilted my head back._

_"Don't be nervous." he told me quietly, his voice deep and husky. I felt my body prickle from the sound of his voice, and shifted myself, pressing my legs together. "I want you, Lizzie. I want you so much." He leaned in and kissed me, then pulled back, letting his gaze dip down and run over me. "You're beautiful." he said after a moment, glancing back up with a roguish grin. "Beautiful, and good enough to eat."_

_The heat in his words made hot desire rush through me, leaving me light-headed once again. I ached, my whole body ached, and I so badly wanted to rid of it. At that moment, every fiber of my being told me that only _he_ could get rid of it, and I clung to that thought tightly and without hesitation. "Please." I whimpered, twisting my hands in his grasp. He searched my face, smirked, and then in one, quick moment pushed me back against the wall, pinned my wrists above my head, and devoured my mouth with his own._

_I moaned softly and gave into him, letting him delve between my lips again when he wanted to. In fact, I didn't even _let_ him, he took what he wanted and without question. His knee parted my legs, sliding up to put pressure against the place between my thighs. Another, dizzying wave of heat rolled through me then, and I felt my face flush with pleasure. _

_"Jack!" I gasped against his lips, almost begging him. I felt him trap my wrists with one hand, and then he slid his other hand down, running the pads of his fingers against the skin of my side. He stroked from hip to shoulder and then back, repeating the action over and over until I felt I might go mad. "Oh! Jack, please!"_

_He chuckled and dropped his head from my lips to my neck, just as he took pity and swept his hand up to cup my breast. I arched into him and he pushed back against me, trapping me between the cold, wood wall and his hot, firm body. Which, I realized, was still fully clothed._

_Jack seemed to not care about that at all, and instead nibbled gently on my neck before sliding his tongue over the teeth marks he'd left indented in my skin. I whispered to him and he pressed his smirk to my collar bone, then peppered kisses along my throat and stopped to inhale deeply at my pulse. His teeth prodded there after a moment, his lips left a burning kiss, and then he took my flesh into his mouth, gently nibbling and sucking until I arched into him again, shutting my eyes tight and moaning his name._

_"Aye, Elizabeth?" he asked, releasing me and swooping up to take my earlobe into his mouth._

_"I need you. Please, I need you. Just please." I hated that I'd dissolved from being strong to begging, and _him_ no less, but I couldn't help it. He was doing things to me, wicked, skillful things with his mouth and fingers that left me breathless and needy._

_"Need me how?" his voice purred in my ear, sending a rush of blood through me to pool in my stomach, to settle between my thighs. "Like this?" He bit the skin below my ear gently and tugged on it, making me cry out. "Or like this?" Jack trailed soft kisses along my jaw, and then kissed me firmly, and for a second, on the mouth. "Or perhaps even like this?" His head ducked down, and then latched onto the breast he wasn't caressing with his hand. I threw my head back and whimpered his name, pleading for him to stop tormenting me so. He grinned, and then came back up. "Or maybe like this?" he wondered softly, and his hand slid down and between my legs, fingers lightly pushing and searching._

_His fingers brushed against something and I stiffened. Oh, that had felt good! I let out a breath, and then he pushed there again and I bucked my hips against his hand, lips parted and sucking in gulps of fresh air. He was doing something, and I didn't know what, but I never wanted him to stop. _Ever!

_"Ooh." I whispered, rolling my head from side to side against the wall._

_"Does that feel good, love?" I heard him ask, and then he buried his nose into my hair, continuing to stroke and rub me with his fingers. I bit my lip and shut my eyes, feeling something growing deep inside me, tightening and tightening and never letting up. He slid his fingers down as he whispered into my hair, though what I wasn't able to make out, and then I felt him slip a finger inside me. I gasped and whimpered, and then he pulled back, rubbing for a moment before he did it again._

_Three times that happened, and then suddenly I locked up and cried out his name, shaking and trembling beneath him. "That's a good girl." he groaned against my neck, sliding his nose along my skin and inhaling deeply. "It's okay, Lizzie, it's okay." He continued to reassure me and I continued to gasp, all my senses on override. The ache was gone now, but I wanted more. I wanted him now, not just his fingers._

_Jack pulled away and let me go, catching me in his arms when I melted without his support. Cradling me against his chest, he stooped down and grabbed the blankets, then went and threw them on the floor before laying me down. I started up at him, a bit drowsy and very satisfied, then watched as he tugged off his belt and sashes, then lifted his shirt up and over his head, throwing it to the side._

_Hungrily I looked over him, taking in all his scars and tattoos, all the things that defined just exactly whom he was. He was beautiful and rightly so, a pirate and a gentleman. My friend, my enemy, and now soon, my lover. I followed him with my eyes as he stood, watching anxiously as he undid the ties to his breeches and then tugged them off, throwing them over to the pile of clothes beside up. He knelt down and grabbed his coat, then helped to put it under me for more padding._

_"Jack." I whispered as he crawled over me, naked skin sliding against naked skin. I shuddered and wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders, tugging him close. It felt so good to finally be like this with him, to see him bare before me and with nothing hiding him. Cupping his cheek, I brushed my thumb across his kiss swollen lips, feeling my heart lurch in my chest. I said the only thing I could say. "I love you."_

_He smiled. "And so you should." he told him, then leaned down and kissed me. I ran my hands down his back, feeling the scars that littered his skin as I tried to dodge the disappointment that I knew I would soon feel. I knew he wasn't one to say that he loved someone, I'd known a long time ago that I'd never hear him say it, but it still hurt. Was it wrong for me to want to hear him say it back?_

_No. I didn't think so, but that wouldn't make him say it. I slid my legs up and rest my feet against the floor, cradling his hips as I pressed a few kisses to his shoulder. He asked me if I was ready and I looked up at him for a moment. Was I? He told me it would hurt, he told me there would be pain._

_"I trust you."_

_He nodded, dropped a kiss to my lips, and then in one move he pushed inside me._

_The pain I felt was blinding. It felt like someone had ripped me apart. The burn was uncomfortable, my muscles locked up and ached from it, and I felt tears well up in my eyes only to slide down the sides of my face._

_There was one nice thing about the whole situation, though. Jack had stopped. He'd pushed into me, and then stilled, cradling my face and kissing me as he tried to help me past my pained discomfort._

_Finally I relaxed, taking in a few deep breaths before I looked to him through blurred vision. "Keep going." I whispered._

_"You sure?"_

_"Yeah. It's okay. It's tolerable."_

_"It doesn't feel like this the whole time, 'Lizabeth. I'll make sure of that." He caught my lips between his, and then rocked his hips forward. There was a twinge of pain, but then he did it again, and again, and soon enough it felt better. My fingernails dug into his shoulders and I rest my head back against my makeshift pillow, gasping as he thrust into me over and over. I heard the sounds he was making, the grunts and sighs that floated into my ears and took over my senses as he found his own pleasure through my body._

_I felt special, somehow, knowing that I was the one whom was making him sound that way. That I was the one whom made him bury his face against my neck, gasping and breathing my name against my skin. I arched my body up into his, seeking flesh against flesh contact, then moaned when I felt his whole body shudder against mine._

_He rocked against me, and I rocked back against him, losing myself in a world of pleasure, love, the smell of rum and spices, and _him._ My arms held him tight, and his arms cradled me from the harshness of the floor, and we made love against two blankets and a coat._

_I had never experienced something so amazing before in my entire life, and I hoped to God I would never forget such a perfect moment._

_Soon enough Jack quickened his pace, growling my name as he got a little rougher. I cried out and held him tightly, just as desperate as he was. Then his hand was between us, and he rubbed at me with his fingers just as he had before. He didn't have to for long, for that, coupled with me feeling of him within me, was enough to send me flying over the edge, crying his name to the ceiling. He followed with a groan of my name, and then collapsed against me, whispering my name as I whispered his._

_After a while he rolled off me and gathered me in his arms, holding me to his chest. His breathing audibly slowed, and then he kissed the top of my head, rocking me slightly. Despite myself, and rather comfortable and drowsy, I whispered that I loved him again before I dropped off to sleep._

_In his arms._

_Home._


End file.
